It's All About Activity

In years past I had bosses who told me it was all about "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" and then working hard and generating activity. First of all, what the hell are bootstraps? Do I look like friggin Teddy Roosevelt? Who rides a horse anymore you idiot? Secondly, it isn't all about your activity. It's about the right activity, and what you do with that particular activity.

It just so happened this boss had no sales experience AT ALL. That's a smart move by management. Let's hire an uber nerd to manage your activity and this will help you make your numbers. Why would we hire an experienced manager who knows when you're working, when you're not? Why would we promote a person who can actually help you manage your time and get you to work smarter not harder? That would actually make sense that's why. In my experience, despite their best intentions, even upper management can make stupid decisions that seem to have no foundation in reality.

So this boss had spent most of his formative years earning his MBA (8 years- Apparently he thought it was not prudent to finish his degree quickly). In addition, he was working full time as a manager at Spencer Gifts, which was regarded as a positive by management. It seems to me there is a big difference between selling fake vomit and penis pasta as opposed to a real sales job where you're out on the street everyday pounding the pavement. But apparently, management views it differently. Or maybe they just don't care. Just want to fill a vacancy no matter what the consequences. I've noticed in all the companies I work for, filling a spot is really what people do when they hire. And they hire people they like, people that are like them. Short managers hire short employees. Rude managers hire rude people. Despite all of the science involved in the hiring process, poor hiring decisions are made daily.

So this inexperienced manager comes in to "right the ship". As if our sales team was sinking. We were 95% to plan and just had a bad first 6 months of the year. But here comes the MBA to save the day. He has charts, graphs, and statistics on what we should be able to forecast by the end of the year. According to his calculations if we do 25 cold calls per day together with 20 appointments per week, we should close at 110% to plan. Assuming our closing ratio is 19.73 percent which is what it is currently. Really? Really? 19.73 is our closing ratio? Which half of a client did we not close?

He rides with me for the first time, and I want to hate him but he's a very nice guy. Wife, family, kids, same as most of us. Amiable enough, but nerdy and a numbers guy which no offense, doesn't work in the sales arena. Hey, I majored in econometrics I know. I was a numbers guy too but people don't respond to data, they respond to OTHER PEOPLE! I take him to a really big prospect who I have been working on for a year to see if he can help. My immediate concern with him on the call is that he will be awkward with the customer and secondly that he will not know the sales process. Here's how the call went:

"Good morning Carol. Thanks for meeting with me again. I just wanted to introduce to my boss, he's just here to help if you have any questions. I know this our 3rd time meeting, so I hopefully after today we'll have made some progress and start working together."

"If you give me better pricing I don't see why not?", Carol answered and laughed. She was definitely a numbers person, but very amiable. Nice lady.

Ray held out his hand for her to shake, "Uh hi my name is Ray, I'm Murray's new boss. Please to meet you." he says, shakes hands, and then looks at the ground. To say the situation is awkward is an understatement.

"Pleased to meet you Ray. Well I hope you can help us negotiate some of this pricing we're looking at from you guys. Murry tells me you guys aren't budging?"

"Don't know if I can do anything right now with the pricing. It looks pretty good from our corporate, but I'll use the Jedi mind trick on them to see if we can make it happen.", he said, looked up from his shoes and smiled. He had that weird smile, like a taxidermist or serial killer; nervous and creepy.

I suppressed the inclination to say to whom, "Who the hell makes a Star Wars reference in the middle of a sales call?" Now the contact is looking at me strangely so I try to take control of the call.

"Ha ha ha... I know you were looking at a reduction in price to help cut costs, and I'm sure we can review the pricing. But we are really selling a superior product here in terms of clinical outcomes. It shows a 35% reduction in hospital length of stay in the most recent study by Weintraub", I said and handed her the clinical results.

"Yeah and it comes with a free light sabre", Ray piped in trying to add another weird joke to the situation.

"Thank you Obi One.", I said and laughed again," But with a reduction in the length of stay this will help reduce your overall costs as opposed to just looking at our pricing and reimbursement. Does that make sense?"

"You mean if we use this product you'll guarantee a reduction in our length of stay by 35%?" our contact said and looked at me in disbelief.

"No, I didn't say that. I said that it has shown to reduce length of stay by 35% in some clinical studies. I don't want there to be any misconception on our part. It's a 35% clinical reduction. Nothing is truly guaranteed. "

"Use the force. It's guaranteed.", Ray said again. I thought I saw him holding an action figure but that could've been my imagination. I shot him an angry look and he stopped smiling and looked down at the ground.

"Keep in mind you've been using our products for a while in free trials and your patient's outcomes have definitely improved. Check with your doctors and nurses."

" We have and we're not sure the cost savings is realistic or justified. You've done a great job of convincing everyone that the product does work and so "kudos" to you, but were fairly happy with our current vendor", she said.

"We can appreciate your loyalty. It makes sense, but you've seen all the clinical evidence right? It beats all of our competitors hands down in performance under clinical trials and it's working with your patients right now. Why would you stay with a product that doesn't work as effectively? Especially if you can reduce the length of stay", I stated very matter of factly as if there was no doubt.

"Unless you can give us a 10% reduction in the cost to justify the usage we are going to consider other options. Sorry."

"I would love to reduce the pricing, but the quality of our products is worth that tiny bit more of an investment on your part since you'll be saving in the long run by reducing your patient's length of stay. "

"Let me see the pricing again. ", she said with a smirk on her face and I handed her our pricing list for the 3rd time in 3 months. She took it, looked it over, and said nothing. She started to type some numbers on her calculator, wrote on the proposal, scribbled a few more numbers and still said nothing. I was silent, waiting for her to speak first and give me a buying sign. We were both quiet for a time, and she opened her mouth to speak but instead Ray broke the silence

"Listen Carol, this could go on all day, but we need to go. We have another appointment in a few minutes. Do you want to get back to us when you've made a decision?"

Carol was startled, "What? Where do you have to be right now?", she seemed offended.

"We have a 2 o'clock appointment. Why don't you just get back to us. Thanks.", he said it with no inflection in his voice. As if he were a robot. I could see that Carol was visibly upset and she thought he was being rude.

"Okay. I'll get back to you, but right now I'm leaning towards staying with our current company."

"That's fine", he said. "Let's go Murry. We don't wanna be late."

"What? Uh okay. I guess we'll get back to you Carol. Thanks for meeting with us. I'll be in touch."

"Okay. I guess I'll review this and talk to you later. Thanks for coming in."

We shook hands and I walked out of there bemused by my new bosses behavior. What the hell was he thinking? We were so close to making a deal and he just gets up and walks out?

"That was awesome!", he said, obviously invigorated by the call. "I've always wanted to do that! Turn the tables on a customer by getting up and walking out."

"I think we blew it in there Ray. She was close to making a decision and no offense you pushed her in the wrong direction.", I was trying to quell my anger with him.

"No way dude. That was just like Tin Men! You make them want it by getting up and walking out. You make them think they're missing out on something. It was textbook sales technique."

At this point, I couldn't help but be angry.

"Ray. Just so you know, "Tin Men" is not recommended reading for Sales 101. Neither is "Used Cars", "Boiler Room", or any other movies you may have seen about sales. You need to practice your rapport building, needs analysis and closing techniques. This isn't the movies, it's REAL sales.

"No way. You watch. She'll call you back. I guarantee it. And she'll wanna do business with us! It just like in the movie. They were pissed at first but they camme back and bought the siding."

"Ray. Sales is not like in the movies. It's not that easy!"

"Sure it is. It's about activity and talking to people. If you can relate to people they you can sell. And the more people you get a hold of the more sales you make!"

"Ray that's if people like you and trust you. If they don't; you're screwed."

" She liked me. I can tell. She definitely likes you"

I was visibly pissed off at this simple analysis of my job and sales in general. If it was that friggin easy, then everyone would do it! Ray's simple analysis of the situation was offensive to me and sales people as a whole.

"You wanna know what movie I was thinking of when you were in there talking to Carol and telling her we'd get back with her?", I asked him.

"No. What movie?"

"'I Am Sam'. Cause what you did in there was retarded."

SELL ME THIS COFFEE!

Do you see the wonderful image of this young man smiling as he prepares your coffee? If you're a coffee drinker, and I am, that's is a wonderful sight in the morning...a smiling, happy, employee, ready to serve you a piping hot cup of coffee.

I don't buy coffee at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, or Peet's normally in the morning. I'm too cheap for the good stuff and lately with the way the economy has been fluctuating, I'll take the Fusion Coffee at 7-11 and serve it to myself. However, there are occasions when I do feel like a latte, cinnamon dolce latte, or just an americano and when I go to a coffee shop I'd like the person behind the counter to smile and greet me warmly. Just like a good cup of coffee.

Friday of last week, I went to my local coffee shop because most of the time the people are very friendly and the service is great! It's definitely a hipster joint with all the servers wearing offensive T-shirts, tattoos covering each arm, and probably a spec script in their backpacks. They're all very friendly and the environment is wonderful. I always look a bit out of place, because I wear a shirt and tie daily for my job, but no one ever gives me a hard time. It's very chill and very cool.

However on this particular morning there was a new employee who'd I'd never seen before. He seemed like an amiable young man, small in stature, Asian in descent, straight black hair, a slight lisp when he spoke, and if not gay; then at least on his way. Which personally I don't give a damn if someone is gay or not. I just want my coffee in the morning. He smiled at me as I approached the counter and I thought okay he seems nice.

"Can I take your order sir?", he said without a smile, and I could already sense some disdain in his voice.

"Can I just get a cup of coffee black, to go?", I answered and smiled, hoping he would reciprocate.

"What I'm sorry, did you say you just wanted a cup of coffee black?", and he said this with a slight attitude as if I'd insulted the place for ordering a plain cup of coffee.

" Yes, just a plain cup of coffee, black, to go.", I responded plainly like the coffee.

"Sir, look at all the wonderful coffees we have here, why would you just order a plain cup of coffee?", he said and the lisp became more pronounced as if he were on America's Next Top Model judging beautiful young girls. He looked at me as if I were an idiot for just getting a plain cup of coffee and I could swear he was pouting his lips as he spoke.

" I just like it plain. Sorry. I don't really want a latte or mochaccino today. Just plain coffee."

"You seem like that kind of guy. Just plain. Okay one plain cup of coffee coming up for the boring guy.", he said and walked over to the coffee dispenser and looked at me with disgust as he was pouring the coffee. He brought it back and handed it to me. "That'll be $1.95 Mr. Plain Black Coffee". He said loudly and with such contempt, that even the person next to me in line was slightly startled by his tone.

" Thanks for the coffee. Oh! And the attitude. Can I get my service next time without all the whipped cream and sprinkles?", and I let out a chuckle after I said it.

" What?", he said and he stopped what he was doing and put his hands on his hips. "What do you mean by that? Are you saying I'm gay?" And he said this loud enough to draw people's attention. As if he were looking for a fight.

I actually started to laugh, "What the hell does that have to do with coffee?"

"Whipped cream and sprinkles? What does that mean? Does that mean I'm gay?", he said it even louder this time.

By this time all the patrons in the place were looking at us. Me in my shirt and tie and him in his pink T-Shirt which read, "DON'T MAKE ME BITCH SLAP YOU!". It looked like a showdown over Proposition 8.

"I don't care if you are gay, just don't give me an attitude because I ordered a plain coffee. That's all", I said in a calm but loud tone.

" Oh because I'm gay, now I have an attitude?!", he shouts at me from behind the counter. The place is not very big and everyone has now stopped what they're doing and are looking at us. I could tell that my attire was not helping me gain support for my cause in this more liberal environment, so I quickly decided an exit was the best strategy. I took my coffee and turned to head towards the door, but not without a parting shot.

"You don't have an attitude because you're gay, you have an attitude because you're a little a#$hole. Thanks for the coffee." I said and held up my cup as I stepped near the doorway to leave.

" Screw you!  You tight assed, closed minded, gay hater.", he again yelled from behind the counter.

" You wish!", I said then snapped my fingers, burst out laughing, and headed out the door with my coffee. I walked down the street, not looking back, and then looked in my cup to make sure he hadn't added anything "extra". I knew at that moment, I wouldn't be visiting that coffee shop anytime soon. Too bad, I loved the place.

I was slightly embarrassed by my behavior, but I hate when people give me a hard time when they're trying to sell me something I don't want. As if I'm an idiot for choosing what I expressly wanted. Now if he had suggested something different, or had asked what I was feeling like that morning; instead of insinuating I was boring like my coffee, I might have ordered something different.

Gay or straight, plain or cinnamon dolce latte, we're all the same and we all want it "our way". Oh and serve it to us with a smile.....not a attitude!

-M

The Interview from Hell

As a Sales Manager, Service Manager, or just a manager, you come across people that you should definitely not hire, but who might be better off behind bars. And I don't mean the kind that serve alcohol. I mean prison bars. About 8 years ago, I interviewed one such person. I feel that after the experience I was not only better for it, I was lucky to be alive!

I was working as a Service Manager and I had a fleet of drivers who reported to me. However, these were not only drivers, but sales representatives as well. So they had to serve the customer and sell additional products in the process. This called for a unique individual who could be both humble enough to serve the customer but also have enough courage to ask them for a sale. In layman's terms they had to be able to take a lot of crap from people and still get them to buy our stuff. So sales experience was a priority.

Enter into the situation, Jimmy Johnson, and no it isn't the NASCAR driver. Jimmy, was probably close to 50 years old, an amiable enough person,(first appearances are deceiving) who came to me "looking for a change of pace". He thought he could drive a van well enough, he had a clean driving record, and so why not give it a shot. Jimmy appeared fit enough, and he spoke low and slow, with a midwestern accent, probably from Texas or Oklahoma, and he seemed like a nice enough fellow to start. He came into my office in a collared shirt, without a tie, which was already a bad sign. He shook my hand heartily or angrily, I can't remember which, and took a seat in front of me. The interview went something like this:

"So Jimmy, I have your application here, do you have a resume?"

"No I don't. Do ya need that?", I assumed Jimmy didn't have a computer.

"Well, it would certainly help. But it's not a requirement. Most jobs you apply for nowadays they ask for a resume, so as a piece of advice you might wanna write one up."

" Sorry about that. I didn't know."

" Like I said. It's not a requirement. I'm more interested in the person than a piece of paper. So why don't you tell me about yourself.", the typically stupid first question on our interview guides.

" What do ya wanna know?", he said and looked offended.

" You know, the usual stuff. Where you're working now, where did you work before, what are you looking for in a job.  Stuff like that." I said calmly and affably.

I always tried to make applicants feel at ease during an interview, this way you could get to know the "real" person your interviewing. Keeping in mind you're about to spend thousands of dollars training and working with this person so you'd better be damn sure of your hire. You want to ensure that they're dependable, hard working, amiable, and that they're at least sane?

"Oh, I work at Pep Boys. Customer Service...behind the counter."

"Do you like it?"

"It's okay. Why?", again he seemed offended that I would ask him this question.  He seemed easily offended by everything...like my breathing.

" Just a question. What did you do before that?", I said and I could see Jimmy was a little nervous and fidgety in his seat. "Jimmy, these are just standard questions. It's not an interrogation, but we have to know where you work, what you do, what you did before? Otherwise there's no way for me to tell what kind of worker or a person you are."

" Oh! I'm a really hard worker.", he said and sat up taller in his chair.

" Uh huh. Most of the people I interview say they're a really hard worker. What sets you apart from some of the other people applying for this job?"

"Sets me apart? I dunno...What? Don't you believe I'm a hard worker?", and again he seemed upset by all the questions as to his character.

" I do. I do. But there are other hard workers applying as well for this job.  But why should we hire you as opposed to them?"

"Cause I'll work harder than them is why.", he said and smiled, proud of his answer. As he smiled I noticed he was missing a tooth on the left hand side of his mouth. It didn't seem to bother him though. I chuckled at his answer. Jimmy didn't appear to be the brightest bulb in the bunch but I didn't want to cut him short and offend him, so I changed my line of questioning.

" Okay Jimmy. I get your point. You're a hard worker.", I said and smiled at him and he smiled again, the missing space where a tooth was supposed to be, staring at me. "Let's try some different questions. You work at Pep Boys right now. Is that correct?"

"Yes sir. 5 years now.", he said proudly.

" How do you like your job?"

" Well I like it okay, but I wanna change jobs now?"

" And why do you wanna change jobs?"

" I got a little girl and she's gonna have a little girl, and so I need to make more money to support them. That's why I got the idea to come here."

" So you wanna change jobs to support your daughter and grandchild? Is that right?"

" Yep. You gotta support your kids no matter what. It's a father's duty."

I admired his commitment. I smiled, "That's admirable Jimmy, I'm glad you feel that way. Too many men nowadays don't follow that same line of thinking. Good for you."

"Thank you sir.", he said and smiled again, but a big broad smile this time, and a little bit creepy. He was starting to relax.  It almost looked like he wanted to put his feet up on the desk.

" Jimmy, do you work with customers regularly at Pep Boys?"

" Well yes sir. I'm behind the counter like I said, in the Parts Department. I know a lot about cars and car parts. I think that's why they gave me the job."

" How do you like working with customers? Is it enjoyable to you?"

" It's okay. Sometimes they can be really nice, and then other times they can be a down right pain in the butt!", he said and chuckled. I laughed with him.

" I see. Is there anything that motivates you in your job? Say dealing with customers?"

" Motivates?", he looked at me confused. As if I'd asked him to solve the world problems with one answer. 

" Gets you excited to work? Makes your day go better?"

" Oh I like car parts and cars. That gets me excited. I especially like it when I find a part a fella's been looking for for a long time. And I'm able to help him. That happened the other day. A fella was looking for a part for the AC on a 74 Corolla and we just happened to have one. It was weird, but this part had been on the shelf for years and we just happened to have it. Yeah that kinda stuff uh m-o-ti-va-tes me. Stuff like that." And as you can tell by the way I wrote it he pronounced motivate very slowly and correctly.

I took that as a pretty respectable answer. And that's a standard question in interviews, "What motivates you?" If an applicant is reasonably intelligent they can figure that one out, and how to answer it. The only problem here was that I wasn't certain of Jimmy's level of intelligence, but he answered it admirably. So I moved on to the standard follow up question.

"Okay Jimmy. Good answer. Now can you tell me what demotivates you?"

" Demotivates me sir?", he had that confused look again.

" Yeah what do you not like in your job, in your life. What just upsets you or gets you riled up?"

" Oh. Never been asked that before. Course haven't had an interview in 5 years. And never one quite like this. ", he said and then laughed. He seemed at ease, and I laughed with him.

" Hmmm...Well sir I don't like it when people push my buttons."

" Push your buttons? What do you mean by that Jimmy?"

" Well sir, when they rile me up. They do something that makes me really mad."

" Okay...Can you think of a time recently when somebody pushed your buttons?"

Jimmy's face tightened for a minute and he wrinkled his nose as if he was thinking hard. Which for him, I'm sure took all of his cognitive powers. He did this for an uncomfortable period of time before I interrupted his thought process.

"It doesn't have to be work related. It can be personal. Just think of a time recently that someone pushed your buttons."

He went back to thinking again and then he looked up at me as if he'd discovered a cure for cancer,
 " I got it!" he said and smiled.

"Well? Do you want to tell me about it?"

" There was this fella. Well, I mentioned my baby girl before, but there was this fella she was seeing, named Pedro and he used to push my buttons."

"Really, what did he do?"

" Well sir, he got my little girl pregnant. That's what he did. And that really upset me. But that's not the half of it. One night my little girl came to me crying saying she didn't know what to do, that she was lost. And that this Pedro fella was mean to her and not helping with the baby at all. So then she tried to move in with him, but that didn't work out neither. She was real upset, real upset. And then one night she came home with all her bags and told me he was an awful fella and that he was mean to her and threaten to beat her and that she didn't wanna see him no more."

At this point I was intrigued with the story and just nodded and let him continue.

"So I said to her what do you mean honey? You don't want to see him no more? You're gonna have a baby together. Isn't that what you want honey.  That baby's got ta have a daddy. And she said 'No daddy, I'd rather die then let him near my baby. I can raise the baby. But I don't ever want to see Pedro again. Never, never, ever!' Well I looked at her and then I realized exactly what she meant by never ever seeing him again."

" What do you mean you knew exactly what she meant?", now I was the one who looked confused.

" Well, I'm a Vietnam Vet, and when someone says they don't want to see someone no more that means, they REALLY don't want to see them no more. That's how we took care of things in the bush. If you didn't wanna see someone one again, you handled it."

" Handled it? Really?", I noticed that I was the one who was now nervous, "Oh my god what did you do?"

" Well, I broke into this fella Pedro's house, and I waited in the dark with my huntin knife for him to come home.", his voice became very quiet, almost a whisper as if he thought people outside the office might hear him. I was hoping they would hear him too, and that they would call the police.

"What?!", I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like a dream. I was literally on the edge of my seat!

" That's right. I waited in the dark with my knife, and for sure I was gonna kill him. And while I was waiting there I thought...this ain't gonna help my baby girl. Killing this fella. I can't take care of her in jail. This ain't the right thing to do."

"So what did you do?", I said at the end of my chair, waiting to hear the outcome and then immediately call the proper authorities.

" Well just then he comes in the door, and I grabbed him and pushed him up against the wall. I put the knife under his throat like this." And he showed me how he did it, by placing his hand under his throat. As he told the story, his voice rose with anticipation.

"And I said, 'Listen up Pedro! You got 2 choices right now. You can leave home to Tijuana tonight, or you can go home tomorrow in a body bag! What's it gonna be?!'", and as he said this he almost shouted the words, "body bag" and "what's it gonna be".

"Oh my god, what happened?", I almost shouted interrupting him but unable to contain myself. I was feeling for a little buzzer under my desk to summon someone to come and get this guy out of my office, but there was no such buzzer.  I was screwed.

He answered now in a calm almost serenely creepy voice, " He went back to Tijuana and my little girl never saw him again. And that's what I mean by people pushing my buttons.", and then he sat back in his chair, somewhat proud of his story.  And he again delivered that creepy smile.

At this point, I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't think straight so I went to the interview guide which was in front of me and looked for a standard question to ask.
"Do you have any hobbies?", I said.

" I don't have too many friends ya know.", he answered.

I nearly fell out of my chair because in my head I thought, "Maybe because you're a psycho!". I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing and faked a cough.

"Excuse me a second Jimmy, just need to get some water.", I said and headed for the door.

"Okay I'll be here when you get back.", he said.

Again I covered my mouth because my initial thought was "I hope not you wacko!" I opened the door, and closed it to make sure he wasn't getting out. I ran into the break room, closed the door and just started laughing. Two of the other managers were in there, and they looked at me oddly.

"Okay guys, if I don't come out of the office in the next 10 minutes call the police. I got a friggin psycho in my office.", I said and started laughing again.

" What are you talking about?", one of the managers asked and he was smiling because I was still laughing.

" I'm serious. This guy's a nut. I'll tell you later. But seriously if you hear anything odd like a chair being thrown or a desk tipping over, bust in. Or if I don't come out soon, bust in. I'll tell you about it later. I gotta get in there before he goes postal on me."

"Alright. But you better tell us all about it when you're done!"

" Oh don't worry I will."

I headed back to the office in less than 5 minutes. I walked inside and didn't even sit down. I stood behind my desk and offered my hand for Jimmy to shake. He stood up and then shook it.

" Sorry about that Jimmy. It must've been my allergies. Well, anyway that's pretty much all the questions I have right now. We're interviewing a lot of people so I gotta go. Do you have any questions for me?"

He look confused again, " Uh yeah. That's it? So do I get the job or what?"

" Well, like I said we are interviewing a lot of people and so we'll call you back if you qualify for the next round of interviews."

" Oh wait, don't gimme that. I heard that before. Don't tell me you're gonna call me if you're not. I don't like that.", and he gave me that look that he had while he was telling his story. As if I had just touched his "button", but hadn't pushed it.  Now, I was starting to get a little bit nervous.  I knew I'd better give him a straight answer. I didn't want to set him off.

" Okay then I'll tell you now. You're not a good fit for the job.", I said and waited for either a sane reply or a knife at my throat.

" What do you mean fit?", definitely confused now and a little irritable.

" It's a service and SALES position and frankly you don't have enough sales experience. Sorry. But thanks for coming in.", I said and offered my hand again.

He shook my hand and said, " I appreciate your honesty. Thanks."

" And I appreciated yours.", I said and led him out of my office. I went back in and locked the door behind me. The receptionist buzzed my phone and I answered.

"You're 2 o'clock is here. Should I have him fill out an application?"

" Sure that should take a few minutes and that'll give me more than enough time."

"Enough time for what? Lunch?", she asked.

"No. Enough time to buy a bullet proof vest!"




-M