Dear Sales Diary:Know Your Stuff!

Yesterday I received the "test" from a doctor who wanted to make sure I knew what the hell I was talking about. It was a joint call, and so I met another rep, and when I walked in the door, the doctor immediately confronted me:

"Okay, I have this patient right here and her condition is this, this, and this. What would you prescribe?", he said. (Indulge me I don't want to get into the details of the patient's condition. Heck, HIPPA might come down on me.)

I looked at him for a few seconds. He was an older doctor, his hair slicked back, with an old lab coat on. He must've been at least 60, with giant white caps on his teeth. Picture Dracula but without fangs and large, horse-like teeth. It was an imposing site. I looked at him, then his patient, then at him again.

"How should I know you're the doctor.", I responded, which made his assistant laugh. However, the doctor wasn't laughing. He really was testing my knowledge of both the patient and my products.

So I asked him a series of questions about the patient's age, her history, the conditions he had treated her for before, and gathered all the information I could about the patient.

" I think you should do this, this, and this. If the other treatments aren't working."

He seemed satisfied with the answer and so did the patient who was staring right at me. "Good answer", he said.

I looked at the patient and at the doctor and said, "Thank you doctor. I'll be in the other room with my next patient. If you'll excuse me.", and acted as if I was going to leave.

At that joke he did laugh. Lesson learned. Whether it's a doctor, mechanic, restaurant owner, truck driver, or anyone you're selling: Know Your Stuff. Otherwise, you won't earn respect and you'll never make the sale.

-M

Teamwork

It occurs to me with all this talk lately on the radio and television regarding LeBron James and the "Super Team" they've assembled in Miami, that teamwork is an essential piece of that puzzle for any team to win a "championship". Without teamwork you can have all the talent in the world but if you can't work together than nothing gets accomplished.

I remember years ago when I was a sales manager and I teamed up with another sales manager on an account that had multiple locations in each of our regions. The corporate office was in my territory but a majority of the business was in his, and I had a good relationship with the decision maker. So naturally if we "tag-teamed" the account there would be no stopping us. Right? Uh right...things don't always work out the way they should.

First of all picture a short man, named Fred, with an attitude, and you'll see where I'm going with this one. A short man, with a little bit of a temper and a HUGE EGO. I was willing to work with "Wicked Webster", as long as we made the sale; who cares. I felt it best if we meet to plan out the call and he agreed. We met at a coffee shop near his house, naturally.

"I think I should lead the call since I know the decision maker and have a relationship", I said as we sipped our mocha smocha latte something, something...

"I don't agree." he retorted, "Most of the accounts are in my territory and so I should lead the call."

"Fred, no offense but that doesn't make sense. Our contact doesn't know you at all so I think we should ease into it and build some rapport before you start leading the call. Why don't I start the call and we can work it together."

"Okay you can start the call, but I prefer to do most of the talking."

" Why?", I asked, somewhat offended.

" I wanna give us the best chance to win.", he responded not listening to a word I said.

" Win what? Is this a race? This is a big account and I want us to "win" too. Just let me introduce you and don't think I'm not going to speak after I introduce you to Jim."

"Jim? That's your contact's name Jim? Okay got it. I'll take it from there.", as if he didn't need to talk anymore now that he got the contact's name.

" Okay, here's what's going to happen Fred. I will introduce you, we will build some rapport just to verify his buying motives and then we'll work on establishing a good relationship so we can move forward."

"I agree. Just let me do the talking and we'll be fine.", he said and adjusted his tie, checking out the girls coming in the door and smiling. The girls gave him an odd look, and shuffled past as if they were afraid he would tug at their skirts.

" I will do some talking for sure, but I will let you have the spotlight if you like. But if I see it going south I'm steppin in. Got it?"

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen.", again he smiled at more girls coming in the door and received the same reaction. As if they were wondering who the short, perverted man in the suit was up to with his odd smile.

"Whatever dude.", I had given up on trying to convince him my input mattered. So far the teamwork part wasn't going so well.

We rode together to the call and just as planned, I introduced Fred to our contact Jim, "Thanks for meeting with us today Jim, this is the other manager who would be handling your account, Fred. Fred's been with us for a long time, has a wealth of experience for us to draw upon, and would be a great person to partner with to help you increase your business."

Fred stepped in, "Thanks for the great introduction, I'll take over from here.", and then he never stepped out.

For nearly an hour he bored the customer with all the great things he had done for the company, and all the wonderful things he was going to do for Jim and his company. He asked Jim about the pictures on his wall, what sport's teams he rooted for, everything except what he wanted. I interjected a few times only to have Fred make a joke like, "Yeah right, like that's gonna help them!"
After we left, I felt underwhelmed by the call, Fred on the other hand was elated.

"Man! That went great. I covered everything! And did you see how I had his attention. He only looked at his watch 3 times. That's gotta be a record. Most of the time they check their watch regularly. Wasn't I great?!"

"Fred, were we on the same call? I don't think we're going to get that account. You didn't let me say anything. I know Jim, I've known him for ten years. I think he was looking for you to find out what HE WANTED, not what we do. '

"You're so negative. It's a good thing I didn't let you talk. You might of blown it for us. Thank God I was there to save it."

Just then my cell phone rang and I answered. It was Jim.

"Heh, you left your bag here, just thought I'd let you know. Are you gonna come back and get it."

" Oh I'm sorry Jim, yeah I'll come back and get it right away."

" Listen why don't you come back and you and I will talk about the account. Don't bring your friend."

" Okay. Why? Is something wrong?"

" No there's nothing wrong. He's just an asshole that's all."

I couldn't help myself; I started laughing and so did Jim.

" Okay Jim, I'll go pick up my car and come back later today like around 4 is that okay?"

" Yeah no problem. And I'm serious. Do not bring that guy back in here. He's a dick!"

" Sure, sure, no problem. Thanks Jim, see you at 4."

" See ya.", Jim said and I hung up the phone.

The entire time I was on my cellphone I could feel Fred breathing down my neck trying to hear every word. He was driving and I had to cover the phone to keep him from eavesdropping.
When I hung up my teammate was on me immediately, "Was that Jim? Oh wow, I knew I did great! Sounded like he wants us to come back. Does he?". Fred was nearly jumping out of his seat and not focusing on the road.

" Yes that was Jim. And yes he wants ME to come back. I left my bag there."

" Oh god you are such an idiot. Why did you do that? Good thing I was there or we would never get the account."

" He wants me to come back at 4 and he wants me to come alone."

" What? Why?", Fred turned as he driving with a shocked look.

" He doesn't want you there.", I said staring straight ahead, not looking at him.

" Why?", again he seemed terribly confused.

" His exact words?", I asked.

" Yes what did he say?"

" His exact words?", I asked him again, afraid to give him the answer.

" Yes!", and as he said this he nearly jumped out of the driver's seat.

" Don't bring your friend, he's a dick.", I answered and looked straight ahead, feeling a bit absolved, but also bad for Fred.

Fred didn't say anything for a while and just kept his eye on the road looking ahead. For once he was quiet and this lasted a few minutes. He just sat there staring at the road. I was about to say something when Fred spoke up.

"He really said "he's a dick"? Those words exactly?"
"Yep."
He nodded his head. Sat driving for a few minutes and then said:

" That's weird people don't usually say that about me until the second call."

I nearly fell out of my seat laughing and so did Fred. Now that's what I call teamwork.

-M

Dear Sales Diary - Always Be Prepared

Today, like everyday I was on my way to work, and I saw a one armed man cleaning windshields for money. This industrious gentleman is always at the same corner, where everyone gets on the freeway and when cars stop he will solicit his services for a small fee. Whenever I have a chance to stop, I give him some change and he spot cleans my windshield.

However, this morning I saw him a long way off and so I grabbed some change from my console and prepared to slow down in order to give him the coins. Yet, as I got closer, the traffic light changed to green and people were beeping their horns at me to continue on throught the intersection. It seemed I was backing up the flow of traffic and so I panicked. I stepped on the gas, threw the change at my one armed friend and yelled, "Catch!". Of course he didn't because the other arm was holding a squeegee. And I didn't realize what a bad idea that was until after I was on the freeway. First of all, don't throw things at a one armed man that's rude. Secondly, don't throw things at a one armed man who's holding something, because that's just mean.

And then I thought "Well he should have been prepared in case that happens. Like with a pail or tin to catch money."

It wasn't really his fault but you should always be prepared when someone throws money your way!

-M

Dear Sales Diary - Ask Good Questions

This morning I was at Coffee Bean getting a coffee and the person behind the counter took my order for an Americano and then asked me not one but two ridiculous questions.

The first question was, "Would you like whipped cream with your Americano?"
My response was not meant to be rude but I'm sure came across that way, "You're kidding right? I've never been asked if I want whipped cream in my Americano. Black Forest yes. Frappucino yes. Whipped cream in an Americano? No I don't need it. Thanks."
"Sorry we have to ask is all."
" Okay no big deal."
And then came the next ridiculous question, "Would you like that here or to go?"
"Does it matter? Aren't literally all the drinks to go? I've never been asked that either?"
"We have to ask that is all."
"I'm confused. Why would you when you're just handing out drinks. You don't have trays back there do you?"
"No sir. We don't", I could see he must have taken a lot of crap for this question. If they were asking that one daily, I bet he had to hear about it all day.
"You know what. Let's live a little. I'll take mine to go. How's that."
"Thank you."
The clerk rang up my total and his questions reminded me of a sales call I went on 5 years ago. They were useless questions and didn't even elicit a good response. The situation went like this:

We were selling uniforms at the time and we went to the corporate offices of Big O Tires. It was an initial call with the warehouse manager and we met him in the warehouse and walked through the entire place to get to his office in the back. We passed stacks and stacks of tires. Tires were everywhere, and when we get to his office and sit down with him to discuss business, what was the first question out of the sales rep's mouth?

"What do you guys do here?" The warehouse manager's response was classic, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

I'm surprised the rep didn't ask him "here or to go?"

Stupid questions elicit even worse responses. Make each one count.

-M

Dear Sales Dairy- Is a Bullet worth a Bonus?

On my way to an appointment this morning, I noticed a group of flashing lights ahead in a pretty scary neighborhood of Los Angeles. I didn't think anything of it at first because when you see a police car in LA it generally means someone is pulled over to the side of the road and they're being issued a ticket. LA is a car city and has been for a long time, with thousands of tickets being issued daily. Naturally, I thought as I approached I would see a sad motorist with his/her head down and the officer scolding them for speeding, or running a stop sign, while writing out a big fat ticket. This is what I thought I would see.

However, what I really wanted to see was a full blown accident with maybe a burning car, or signs of visible carnage. Like everyone who's ever passed an accident scene, you're hoping to see the visible remains of some poor unfortunate soul(s). His/Her body in pieces on the roadside, blood still spewing for from and newly opened wound, or maybe as you pass their severed arm hits your windshield and you take it as a souvenir. Or even better yet, the car they are in is on fire, and you see there arm jutting from the window, burnt and charred as they struggled to get out of the burning vehicle! Or better still the severed head of a victim is lying in the street just waiting to be taken home by a stray dog or coyote!

However on this typical morning, I was certain all I would see was a person pulled over on the shoulder and a ticket being written by a traffic cop. However, what I saw was not what I had expected...

As I approached the flashing red and blue lights, I noticed they were in the middle of the street. And as I came even closer, I noticed it was several police (8)cars blockading the road to prevent entry and exit. Effectively thay had shut down 1st Avenue in Los Angeles. The closer I came to the scene, the more I noticed that the cars were position to blockade a store and an adjoining house. In addition, all of the police were out of their cars WITH THEIR GUNS DRAWN, in the direction of the business and house. I thought to myself, "Okay please don't start shooting, please don't start shooting. And if you do shoot, shoot at someone else. Not me" The situation seemed intense, and the tension was raised higher because all of the idiots in front of me were driving slowly to assess the situation. Are people retarded? Don't they realize they're not watching tv and they could be caught in the middle of a crossfire between gang members and the LAPD? Obviously not, because they were acting like tourists. I want to shout, "Move you f#$%king morons. Do you wanna be shot?!", but all that came out was an audible shriek like a girl watching a horror movie.

What a horrible person I am? The whole time this is going on, I'm not the least bit concerned about the safety of the police or other people in the area. All I really care about is my own butt, and how am I going to get outta here and a save it. I slowly approach a stop sign no more than 30 feet from the street blockade. I watch the police to see if they are planning to attack or are moving in on the people barricaded in the house & building. Really? As if I'd know what the hell to do if they did start shooting. I'd pee my pants for sure, then after that I don't know what I'd do.

My was is blocked so I start to turn right to avoid the melee which is about to ensue. And as I'm turning, I see two police officers advance towards the buildings. I'm slowly moving through the intersection, and the entire time I'm thinking,

" Okay stay low. Keep your head down. And don't take a bullet just for a bonus you idiot! Wait why am I staying low? Is it stop, drop, and stay low, or is it stop, drop and roll. It's stop, drop, and roll. Wait this isn't a fire? It's a shoot out. Stay low so the bullets don't hit you. Now drive you idiot! Drive!"

I step on the gas and move quickly out of the intersection. So quickly in fact some of the officers are looking at me in my rearview as I drive off. I wonder if they suspect me of being in one of the gangs and if they'll chase me down. (The Tie Gang?) I stay low hoping they won't notice and I'm thankful no shots are fired in my direction either by the perptrators or the police. As I drive away, I almost put my hand up to wave goodbye to the entire situation but I've seen plenty of movies where when someone does that, their fingers get blown off. I keep my hands down and just drive. I'm happy to be alive, happy to be on my way, and happy to have all 4 fingers (thumb included).

There's more to life than just money. There's life.

-M

Dear Sales Diary-Lighten Up Will Ya?!

I woke up this morning so excited about a big presentation I was working on last night. It is a Target Account I'd been visiting for months. I had done all the research on the company, talked to many of the key decision makers, and pin pointed all of their needs in the presentation. I printed all the information, bound each copy, checked my LCD projector, organized everything on the kitchen table and I was ready to roll!

I was a little pressed for time, so I hopped in the shower and when I came out of the bathroom, the kitchen was a disaster! My puppy was laying in her bed chewing on one of the binders, the rest of them were scattered all over the floor and the LCD projector was hanging by its cord from the table. I picked everything up, saved the rest of the presentations, put the puppy out and headed out to the account. I had no time to print another copy and would make it to the account just in time. When I got there, fortunately the projector still worked and one person, Debra, didn't show up for the meeting.

I started with, "Thanks for allowing me to present to you this morning. I just wanted to mention, I'm kinda thankful Debra isn't here because my dog ate her presentation. Literally, I left the presentations on the kitchen table and she somehow knocked them all down on the floor and chewed one. so fortunately Debra didn't show this morning. Otherwise I'd have to give her a presentation full of teeth marks!"

That got a big laugh from everyone and the meeting went well from the get go! It's good to throw in a little humor from time to time to lighten the mood. We're all people so if you have joke or a comment that's funny: USE IT. Be warned though, some people think they are funny and they're really not. So test the joke on a colleague or a friend. "Laughter is the best medicine"...for a sale.

- M

PS: And unlike me, keep it clean. Meetings are not the forum for dirty jokes!