The Inhuman Side Of Human Resources: 6 Reasons You Were Fired Before You Were Hired

Just to provide some background on my expertise, I did not study Human Resources in college, nor did I study it in graduate school. The reason I didn't study it, is because there was no major for HR when I was in college, and I really had no idea what HR people did.  I know that at the time, my sister was an HR Generalist and she liked her job because she liked people.  However, nowadays HR is really about managing risks, not helping employees. I did work as a manager, branch manager, and general manager for some pretty notable companies over the years including Wells Fargo Financial, Cintas, Unifirst, and KCI.  At each juncture of my career I have lead people, and subsequently experienced a plethora of human resources issues.  Most of my expertise in HR comes from hands on experience and not from a book. I hired and fired a lot of employees and not once did I take pleasure in letting someone know they didn't get the job.  Those were some of the most uncomfortable phone calls I ever made, because basically I was telling the person on the other line,

"I don't think you're good enough to work with us."

As the years progressed, and my management experience grew, I began to notice that the human part of Human Resources was being reduced to an afterthought.  We would screen a lot of people for one position through a series of tests, and then administer more tests to further wean those candidates down to a select few, and then finally make a hiring decision between the top 2 candidates.  It was a lot of work, but we wanted to be certain we were hiring the right person.  Invariably, we would still make errors but we tried to minimize our mistakes by reducing the risks.  We called it HR 2.0, but it should really have been called HR 0.0 because no matter how much analysis we did or tests we administered, we only retained 70% of the sales people we hired. 

As I mentioned, Human Resources today is about managing risks rather than managing people. Unfortunately a great deal of HR has become more and more scientific.  In order to reduce the risk of hiring the "wrong" person, tests after tests are developed and implemented to eliminate any "unworthy" candidates. Almost as if HR managers are now applying the same ideas used in Sabermetrics to hiring employees. The problem in baseball as well as HR, is that there are no full proof systems.  Science is exact, while people are not.

If you send in a resume, or apply online, and you don't get a call or email response, here are just a few reasons why you "fired" before you were hired:

• You Have No Experience - For young people starting out in the work force this is the typical response they receive from HR when they are turned down. But here's the conundrum, you can't get experience unless some one hires you!  How the hell does that work?  It's seems entirely unfair to be punished for something you have no control over.  However if you keep applying yourself, eventually you'll find someone to hire you who doesn't care about your experience.  In fact, those are probably the best people to work with, the ones who are opened minded.
• You Have The Wrong Experience - Recently I have a friend who worked for Medtronic and sold insulin pumps, and when she applied to another company they told her she didn't have the right kind of diabetes sales experience!  She was shocked.  She knew all the key endocrinologists in her area, and had a wealth of contacts but they sent her a letter stating her experience was more in medical devices and not pharmaceutical sales, so she wasn't a good fit for the job.  She had a great deal of experience but to the company it was the "wrong" experience.  How can any experience in the field your in be "wrong"?
• You're Resume Was Screened By Software - Last week, I had a friend call me to share her experience with UCLA and a job for  which she seemed perfectly suited.  They were looking for a dietitian with renal experience and this was her expertise.  She applied online, took a long test for over an hour, and once she turned in the application, they turned her down within 15 minutes stating she wouldn't be a good fit for the position.  She asked me, "How the hell can they say I'm not a good fit when I'm a dietitian who specializes in treating renal patients?  And how do they turn me down in 15 minutes without even an interview?"  My answer, "The idiots have a resume parsing service that is too specific and screens out too many candidates, even some who are ideally suited for the position."  Poor move on UCLA's part because they missed out on a great candidate.
• The Hiring Manager Is Intellectually Impaired - Unfortunately this is pretty common.  A lot of managers get to their positions through dumb luck or most likely from people they know.  I have met people in managerial positions who absolutely shock me that they are leading people.  In all sincerity, it's scary!  Morons are out there making decisions which affect people's lives and they have no clue what they are doing.  These people will have no idea what to look for in a resume and subsequently they will skip over great candidates because they're intellectually impaired and this affects their judgment.
• You Failed The Personality/Assessment Test - I can't even believe these tests still exist and that they are gaining wide support as a tool to eliminate unwanted candidates.  I have taken 10 of these tests and every time I took one, I deceived the test.  I knew they wanted me to be an over the top "hunter", who craved the thrill of the kill/sale, and who would be so charged up I would run through walls.  As a result I answered every test question as if I was an ego maniacal jerk.  It worked and I was hired or promoted every single time.  If you don't answer the questions the way you believe they should be answered then you won't be hired.  If you are an ego maniacal jerk then I feel sorry for you.
• You're Too Old or Too Young - This just makes me sad.  I know that they can't ask you how old you are in an interview, but they can discern your age, from the dates on your resume. Many people are disqualified because of age before they ever make it to an interview.  That is simply wrong.  Some of my best employees have been either straight out of college or some whom people considered "over the hill".  When I took over a sales team in Los Angeles there was a rep there in his late 50's who was struggling.  I was told to fire him, but I didn't.  I worked with him and figured out that he was wasting too much time trying to sell to people who didn't say "no" to him, but never said "yes".  I told him to sell to people who wanted our service, and not to force it on them. He did and went to President's Club three years in a row.  The sad thing is that many of these companies won't hire young pups or old dogs, and they won't even give them an interview. 

Unfortunately there are a great many of you out there struggling to be hired, and the recruiting process has become entirely too automated.  I don't think that hiring managers even look at a resume unless it's been screened, tested, stained with coffee, and run through a data mill for processing.  It's unfortunate because companies are missing out on great candidates.  Here's a tip to get past all that...find a great recruiter.

Good luck in your job search!

-M

I'm Sorry I Wasn't Listening: 5 Signs Our Attention Spans Are Waning

Since I have begun to contribute to Yahoo, or at least I have written articles which are being ignored by Yahoo.  I was forced to read the submission guidelines for Yahoo contributors.  They state very clearly:

"Online attention spans are short. For most topics, the ideal article length is 350 to 500 words."

In an effort to meet with the guidelines I will now be counting every word I compose in order to meet these standards so that more people may be exposed to the darkside of sales.  I suppose if I were an angry bartender more people would read my post but I'm just a sarcastic sales person so no one cares.  Clearly I am being too wordy even right now and as I noted in my last article we have the attention span of small children eating pixie sticks, so I must be brief.  Listed below are 5 signs that everyone's attention span is waning.  Please consider that this applies to all generations, not just the new millennials. We are all losing are ability to focus.

1. Books Are Written Like Movies - In order for young authors to be heard, they are taking advantage of new mediums and a younger audience.  Let's face it, there is no great American novelist out there, and if there is, no one is reading her work.  Books are being written almost exclusively like movies, with development, conflict, big action scenes and great endings.  The only thing missing is the CGI effects.  No one will ever write another "Ulysses" and if they did, I wouldn't read it, because that damn book was long and confusing.
2. Newspapers Are Dinosaurs - No one would argue the fact that newspapers, and good journalism are on there way out of the public consciousness.  Why?  We don't want to bother turning a page when we could just swipe our fingers, and we certainly don't want to wade through big words like "reconciliation" or "disenfranchised".  Even e newspapers aren't popular because no one wants to focus on an article for more than a minute.  Instead, we get all our news in snippets online, and even then we never delve into the articles. 
3. Technology, Technology, Technology - I can remember when the iPod first was introduced, and we were so excited about the idea of carrying our music with us.  Heck, now we can watch movies, listen to music, and video chat on our phones.  We are so distracted by technology there's no need to talk to each other, instead we text.  We even text in the car because we might become bored for a few minutes, and actually have to think for ourselves.  But we don't really communicate we commiserate.
4. Information Overload - We are bombarded with information on a daily basis, and it is getting more and more difficult to disseminate all of the useless information.  In fact, it seems easier not to think and just focus on positive things.  For example, should you read about the crisis in Gaza, or look at those adorable pictures of dog's with bee stings.  The easier choice is the doggies.
5. More Choices, Choices, Choices - 25 years ago there were only 4 television networks, and Fox was a new player in the market.  Now we have over 300 channels to choose from and over 500 options including on demand, sports etc. In addition we have video games that are incredibly realistic and thousands and thousand of apps to distract us from the daily grind.  It's impossible for our brains to absorb all of the information therefore we watch what we can at an alarming rate, and we filter out a lot of media choices.  We have to,  or we'd go crazy trying to absorb it all....Wait what was I writing about?

As there are more and more people populating this earth, we are becoming one big human race, all communicating, all commiserating, and hopefully we can keep our attention long enough to listen to each other. Damn I went over the allotted number of words! Hope you made it to the end.

Have a great day!

-M

How To Keep From Punching Your Boss : 7 Different Management Styles

First of all, have you noticed that everything written nowadays is a short list, because our attention spans have been reduced to those of a toddler, after eating a bowl of sugar.  We are inundated with information, and while many people will say they are "multi-tasking" they are really just doing the same thing they do with the TV remote...changing channels. There are so many different lists nowadays it's hard to keep up, therefore in an effort to further muddle your brain with misinformation, here is a list of management styles that have been used throughout the years to both nurture and torture employees.  This list is to try and help you identify which type of boss you work with, and through understanding keep you from stabbing them with your pen, punching them in the face, or kicking them in the back. 

Please note: Sales From the Darkside endorses a non violent approach to social and economic reform, like Ghandi, but with a definitive lack of character...or hunger strikes.

• The Newbie - Hurray someone just got promoted and now they're your new boss!  And by "new", I mean straight out of a management training course.  They have all kinds of theories on how things should be run, and they might even be a recent MBA graduate, which means they have no idea what the hell they are doing. Even better, they usually don't have any work experience so they will clog your brain with ideas on how to improve your performance.  Keep in mind they are only pitching ideas, and a lot of the stuff they are talking about was developed by a professor who never left his office to work in the business world, except perhaps to consult with gullible CEO's.  Fortunately for you, they are new, so you can mold them into a decent manager.  Here is a list of things to do when you have a Newbie boss:
•  Listen to all his/her stupid ideas, because they won't stop talking about them.  Even if the theories are impractical, it will make them feel as if their 100K student loan debt was worth something.
• Implement what you think is the most practical and best strategy to achieve your results....without their consent.  Most of the time they are going to rely on you anyway to achieve their goals so it is better to ask for forgiveness, than ask for permission.
• Don't ignore them, or dismiss them as stupid, because they aren't.  They are just misguided.  They need someone like you to help lead them down the right path, and besides, a sure way to get upper management upset with you, is to make fun of new managers.  Use them as an opportunity to advance your career and if they get promoted, they may owe it all to you.
• The Nazi - Do I really need to explain this one?  Quite a few managers fall into this category.  They let their egos get the best of them and then they end up shouting orders at you all day, and riding your back until you want to quit.  Unfortunately, upper management likes these types of managers because they usually get results.  They use fear and intimidation to manager people. Many of them would sell their soul to get ahead, and have very little loyalty to employees.  If they have hobbies they're usually related to military activities like paint ball or Civil War re-enactments.  When you meet their children, look for markings of any kind that indicate they may be working in a forced labor camp overseas. And if the poor kids plead to you for help, it's best to ignore their cries or you'll be fired.  Here is the best way to approach this type of manager:
• Question nothing.  You must assume that they know what they're doing or they wouldn't be in the position, and if you have question please ask for permission to speak first. SIR!
• Punctuality is the key to this manager's heart.  Don't ever be late to a meeting, phone call, luncheon, or even to the bathroom with this manager. Otherwise, they're liable to embarrass you in front of other employees.
• Follow orders and I mean to the letter.  I've worked with a lot of these militant types of managers, and like Pinochet they will have your head if you don't know how to follow orders.  If you do everything they ask, they can't reprimand or fire you. And never, never, ever deviate from their "plans", unless it means your death is imminent. Then RUN to HR and blame them for everything!
• The Peacock - This type of manager is often called the Persuasive or Expressive type.  What that really means is they are going to try and convince you how great they are and why you should do everything they ask.  Usually, they will try to get your "buy in" on all of their ideas and projects and this is fine, unless you realize they have no idea what the hell they're doing. If they are incompetent then you and everyone who works for that manager are about to be in for a lot of work.  The Peacock will try to get everyone on their team to like him/her because it's important for them to appreciated or even worshiped.  Their desk or office will usually be filled with large pictures of them in varying stages of fun or with famous people, like a president or movie star.  Of course they will have pictures of their family but they'll be much smaller, like 2 x 2" hidden in their purse/wallet.  This manager can't have anything on his/her desk that takes away from the focus being on him/her. Listed below are some of the best ways to handle a Peacock:
• Compliment them on their clothes, their accessories, and the way they look.  That's why they are peacocks, because they want to be noticed.  This is the easiest and simplest way to earn "points" with them, but do not suck up to them too much less you lose your soul. 
• Reassure them that what they're doing it the right thing to do.  This is just what they want to hear.  They lack the confidence to make decisions, so reassurance from their employees is extremely important. 
• Put on your psychologist hat because these people have a tendency to be crazy.  Often they will come in and tell you about all the problems they are having with other employees and vice versa.  Everyone on your team will know everything about you and how they boss feels about you because this person cannot shut their mouth.  If you and the boss had any shared secrets, guess what? You don't.  Be prepared to have pictures of you pulled off of social media and posted to company meeting presentations and newsletters.  Like I said, these people can be cray-cray.  But if you become their confidant,you can ride that crazy train up the corporate ladder.
• The Pointer - This management style is sometimes called the Seagull, where he/she flies in, makes a lot of noise, and takes a crap on everything you're doing.  They have a tendency to point out everything that's wrong with your work and nothing that you're doing right. If something goes wrong and this manager needs someone to blame...tag you're it!
• Document everything!  Why?  Because if things go sour and the department suffers, you want to cover your own ass. Any interactions you have with them, or discussions on your performance be sure to write down the hour and dates of all conversations.   As I mentioned, this style of manager is not the captain who will go down with a sinking ship. They're a rat that will find the nearest lifeboat and who will blame everything on their employees.  Don't end up like Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic", stuck in the ice cold water and hoping someone will pull you out.
• Divert their attention.  If there is anything you can do to get them to focus of something besides what you're doing, then do it.  It's not that you're ashamed of your work, it's just you don't want them to focus only on you and ignore everyone else.  Let's face it, if they're looking for mistakes you're bound to make one just from the pressure. Nobody can work well with a manager looking over their shoulder all the time.
• Have a witness present whenever you speak with them.  I know it's difficult, but if someone else is around to hear your private conversations with this manager, than they can corroborate your memory of the events.  Otherwise, if the Pointer wants to fire you, they can just make things up and there is no one around to support the defense of your work.  It may never come down to you being fired but it's best if you have someone on your side if the proverbial, "sh#t hits the fan".
• The Micro Manager - This style of manager is pretty self explanatory.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, hates this manager.  Even micro managers themselves, despise this type of manager.  It's this sick self loathing that makes them such miserable people, and they will seek to transplant their misery squarely onto your back.  This person will have a Process Map for everything, including how to properly wipe your butt during work hours.  He/she will drive employees nuts, tracking their time on break, their time in the field, their time in the car, their time on the toilet, their time with their wife/husband....I could go on forever.  Your life with be miserable and it will be timed as well, so read on and discover a few tips to handle Mr./Ms./Mrs. OCD.
• Beat them to the punch.  Develop your own process maps for everything and this will impress the heck out of this style of manager.  I don't care if it's a process map for making a sandwich, show it to them, and they will appreciate you taking initiative.
• Listen to their problems.  These characters have a hard time getting beyond their spreadsheets and seeing actual people.  Thus their social skills are pretty poor, but it's because they really have no one to talk to besides their collection of glass figurines or Marvel super hero action figures. They are dying for friends but afraid to get close because they may have to fire you.  Don't let them keep you out and make a point to get to know them and for them to know you.  If they know you're a real person with feelings and not just a number, they will be more prone to help you when you need it.
• Argue logically if you have a point.  They understand efficiency and not empathy.  If you try to explain that you had to pick up your kid and that's why your late, they will perceive time management as a weakness. However if you explain that you picked up your kid because you went to meet with a contact at the same school and this was why you were late, they will see efficiency and respect you.  Think like a robot or a computer and you'll be fine.   
• The Clueless - Okay this is often the best manager to work for, and the worst.  At the same time!  I used to go crazy working for this management style because I had no respect for them.  Half their time is spent asking you, "Well, what do you think?"  Which means, "I haven't a clue what the heck I'm doing so I need you to decide for me."  I worked for a clueless manager who had 20 years of experience!  Yet he had no idea how to lead people.  It drove his employees nuts. The situation was great because I got to manage everything and really run things and the location did really well. However, it was also bad because he got all the credit.  I loved and hated this guy at the same time.  In the process, I learned the following:
• DIY, or Do It Yourself.  Do not waste time waiting for an answer from this style of manager because you'll be waiting a long time.  They can't make decisions because honestly they don't know what they are doing.  They rely solely on their employees and dumb luck to be successful.  Do your job and do it yourself because no help is coming.
• Take advantage of the opportunity. Since your working for what people would characterize as an absentee manager, you can become totally self sufficient. I learned a great deal by working for this type of manager because I literally was on my own, which meant I had a lot of freedom to try new things, and even though I failed a few times, he was so clueless, he didn't even sense anything was wrong.
• Work smarter not harder with this manager.  Yes it's an old cliché but it's so effective in this situation.  Don't let this type rely on you so much that you're working day and night, and even changing the toilet paper in the bathrooms. Rather direct them to delegate some of your work to other subordinates so you have more time to enjoy life.  If he/she overburdens you with work, it doesn't help your psyche or your career.   
• The Mentor - Unquestionably, the greatest style of manager to work for during your career.  I was blessed with a few of these types during my career and I learned a great deal and advanced quickly through each corporation in the process. In fact, I have kept the same day planner that was given to me by one of my mentors over 15 years ago! I still use it today.  It's old school but it helps me write things down I might forget.  This style of manager is supportive, knowledgeable and usually wildly successful.  Why?  Because they're interested in their employees well being and they want to see the succeed.  In turn, their employees are incredibly loyal and as a result the manager is very successful.  Hopefully, you will have a chance to work with someone like this at some point during your career.
• Absorb everything they are telling you because these people didn't get where they are by being stupid. Yes, they've made mistakes and they will tell you the pitfalls to avoid, and you should listen.  Too often, young people think they know everything straight out of college but believe me, they're green.  If you graduate and get a manager who's a mentor sit at her/his feet and listen, listen, listen.
• Emulate them as much as you can.  These managers didn't become successful without knowing a thing or to about how to lead.  Therefore if you emulate their style pretty soon you may become a manager yourself.  For 5 years I worked with a mentor and he taught me a great deal about how to deal with people, and how to make your employees wildly successful, and soon I was being promoted.  He took the time to help my career and I will forever be in his debt.
• Enjoy the ride, because you don't often get to work for such a great person.  Chances are, if they're successful then you'll soon be following them up the corporate ladder.  However, be wary there are other people riding on their coat tails as well, and it can be clustered at the top.  Your mentor will support everyone, even some scum who have convince them they are good people so you may follow them only so far and then you'll have to make your own way.  But it'll be a lot of fun working with this style of manager while it lasts. Have fun!

Every manager is different and many times people will employ these different styles or types at various times during their careers.  A manager may start as a Newbie and develop into a Mentor, or a Nazi could learn from their mistakes and become a Mentor as well.  It all depends upon the manager and their career path.  However, keep in mind it's up to you on how well you work with them and whether both of you will be successful. 

Have a great day!

-M