" Hey Boss: Mean It, When You Say It! "

Copyright: alphaspirit / 123RF Stock Photo

In the corporate environment, I have been to the top of the sales mountain quite often.  In addition, I've been recognized as a top manager as well.  Yet I don't know how many times, I was forced to stand on a stage and take a picture with someone who could care less about who I was or why I was standing beside them.  There was no sincerity in their voice, and no genuine feelings in their handshake or their smile. Once the CEO even call me by a different name, than the one displayed on the prompter in front of him.  Every handshake and smile felt fake.  Now, that could be me being extra sensitive or perhaps them being very poor actors. As a leader, one thing I tried to avoid was sounding like a phony.  Everyone can see through that BS.

Once when I was sales rep of the year, or rookie of the year, or something like that, I took the stage and the VP turned, shook my hand and said to me, "Thank you for sharing this moment with us."

Naturally, I was a bit confused by his remark. I didn't ask them to bring me on stage. My response was:
"Uh okay. Sure. You're welcome?" And then I smiled and took the picture with him and the other suit on stage. I think it was the CEO or somebody important.

Afterward, my boss came up to me and said, "Hey Doug didn't like the way you dissed him on stage."
I responded both dazed and confused, "What do you mean...dissed him?"

"Well you didn't thank him after he said thank you for sharing this moment."

" I said you're welcome, but you're absolutely right I didn't thank him.  For what?  He didn't mean it.  All he had to do was say thank you, take the picture and that was it."

"Well it was rude.  What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I didn't think I was being rude.  I didn't know what to say. Besides he sounded fake and insincere.  I didn't call him out, it was just an odd thing for him to say. I didn't know what to say in response."

"Why is that odd?"

"He said thank you for SHARING this moment with us."

"Again, why is that odd. You three were sharing a moment?"

"First of all, that sounds like a scene from some bad romantic comedy, and secondly I never asked him to share the moment. I'm not sure I wanted to SHARE the moment or even have the moment. They should just recognize us and send us on my way. I don't want to stand their and take a picture that I'll never get a copy of."

"What? What romantic comedy? Wait, the picture on stage? I'm sure you'll get a copy of the picture I'm one hundred percent certain you'll get a copy of that picture."

" Really? I've been to President's Club 3 times and I've never seen a picture of me on stage.  Have you?"

He stood there and looked perplex, as if he was trying to recall some distant memory of when he was a rep and he had won an award.

"Now that I think about it.  I don't think I have. That's so weird."

"See what I mean?  What do they do with all those pictures? Where do they go?"

"Huh? Who cares about the pictures.  Just apologize for being rude. He wants you to come and talk to him later...At the after party."

"Oh that'll be good for my career.  I'll be drinking and I'm certain I will say something stupid."

"Well that's on you, not on him."

"No it's on him.  I won't be talking to him after he's also been drinking...that will just make things even more awkward and weird."

"Well he just wants you to explain yourself."

"I don't need to explain myself after he's had three Moscow Mules.  He'll barely be able to stand up. And then he'll try to put me in my place and the whole thing will be blown out of proportion."

"You'd better talk to him. He feels slighted."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow.  After all those drinks he won't even remember what happened. I'm going to celebrate with our team and then go to bed."

"I think that's a bad idea."

"Do you want to know what I think is a bad idea? Reprimanding me for something I said on stage that meant nothing when I just won President's Club for the 4th time. Shouldn't we be celebrating?"

"Oh yeah.  Congratulations.  Now enjoy it and don't forget to explain yourself."

" Gee thanks?", I said and then just started laughing.  It all seemed so silly that I was having to discuss something that happened on stage an hour ago, because the ego of the VP couldn't let it go.
My boss gave me a pat on the back of my suit coat.

"Don't be a dick. Make sure you apologize.", he said and then began to turn and walk off.

"Sure. Sure.  First chance I get.", I said, being just as insincere as the VP had been on stage.  Instead I went over to our team, had a drink with all of them and then headed back to my room.  I didn't want any drama so I thought it best to wait til the morning, and then speak to Doug.

When I woke up, I went down for breakfast and looked around for him, but he was no where to be found.  I checked each table, and after the break my boss came over to me. I assumed he wanted to check on whether or not I had spoken to Doug.

"Hey I couldn't find Doug last night so I didn't get a chance to speak to him.", I said.

"Oh yeah don't worry about it.  Doug got fired last night for groping more than a few of the female reps."

"What?  Are you freaking kidding me?"

"Nope! Apparently he was pretty drunk and grabbing asses all night.  Well he grabbed the wrong ass and it turned out to be the head of HR. "

I just started to laugh. "I feel bad for those reps, but I'm glad it wasn't my ass he was grabbing."

He laughed as well, "No kidding.  Some guys just think with the wrong head."

"That's true.  Well he got what he deserved if you ask me. You still want me to apologize to him?"

"F you!", he said, and I believed he was definitely being sincere.

-SFTD

"A" Personality Stands For....Aggressive, Achiever, or A##hole?

Copyright: jayfish / 123RF Stock Photo

I can remember vividly every time someone has told me "I am your proto-typical A type personality."

Instinctively I think, "Oh you're an asshole and you're letting me know you're an asshole." Which might be a bit harsh in judgment but when people tell me up front they're an A personality type, I tend to cringe...

I've worked with a lot of assholes.  In fact, I've probably worked with more assholes than a Costco size pack of toilet paper.  The problem is that these people don't know they are assholes.  I always felt it was my "duty" to point this out to them, which more often than not, led to frequent shouting matches, hurt feelings, and me ending up in a lot of trouble.  Once I learned how to be a little more diplomatic with my approach to "calling them out", I had much more success in making converts of them and turning them into mere asses instead of assholes.

One thing that I've noticed about these "A" type of people is that they have a slew of opinions.  Opinions about how people should dress, how people should act, how people should talk, and even how many kids their employees should have.  Yes I've had a manager tell me a woman had too many kids to perform her job to his standards. They have so many opinions it's hard for them to keep them straight.  I had a general manager who literally thought that anytime there was an attractive single woman on the staff they were sleeping with someone on the team.  Really?  As if they had to sleep with someone to spurn their career forward?  He was an idiot.  At one point he thought everyone on my team was sleeping with one of my reps and the reasoning behind his bias...was his own libido!

I remember an instance where his over active imagination got the best of him and me.  We were having our weekly one on one in the conference room and he started in on me about one of my female reps.

"Someone on your team has to be screwing that Natalie. If I wasn't married I'd bang her.", he said to me.

"Mark. No one is 'bangin' her.  She's engaged and she's made it very clear she's engaged.", was my response.

"You're saving her for yourself. Eh? You're bangin her.  I know you're bangin her.  I'd bang her."

"Can you please stop using the word bangin.  What are we ten years old?  I am not involved at all with her and you need to stop thinking all the reps are out to sleep with her.  She's made it very clear that she's here to do her job and nothing else. And please stop talking about her like she's not a person."

"Oh listen to Mr. Sensitive! You've got the hots for your rep.  Don't you?"

"Actually no I don't. And even if I did, I wouldn't share it with everyone. Which is kinda what you're doing right now." 

"There's nobody here but the two of us, and you're soft.  You won't tell anybody.  I know you, and I know you're hitting that." , and as he said this, the woman in question, Natalie,  walked by the conference room and we could see her through the large glass windows which allowed a full view of the office. She was wearing a short skirt, blouse, and modestly high heels. I could literally feel Mark's eyes popping out of his head.

"No I'm not.  Now can we please just focus on the numbers so I can get out of this awkward situation.", naturally he ignored what I had just said.

"I can't get over how hot she is.  Where did you find her?A modeling agency?"

"USC. Really?  Is this meeting going to be all about Natalie?"

"Is she hitting her quota?"

"Yep.  She's right there. 99% right now. She'll make it by the end of the year."

"Good.  Very good.  Oh I bet she's hitting it. Maybe I should have a one on one with her, just to let her know who's in charge around here."

"Uh. Why?  She know's you're the GM.  How many other reps have you had a one on one with?"

"Just Mike. Oh... and Todd. But they've both gone to President's Club a few times so I had to meet with them.  But I think I can make some time for Natalie."

"Dude, you're kind of being gross right now.  I think you need to put your libido in check. "

"I'm not doing anything except offering to help mentor your sales rep. Just trying to show her some aspects of our culture.  You got a problem with that?"

And as he said this he smiled and I could see it was kind of a veiled threat.  This is where the A type personality came crawling out.  To me it was simply a front for a little man with a lot of insecurities.

"Remember, I'm in charge here not you.  And really, I kind of inherited you, I didn't hire you, so don't think you're in any position to do anything at this point.  You're on your way up here, don't blow it over a silly one on one with your rep." He looked me straight in the eye as he said this, as if he wanted me to back down.

"I just want to make sure she stays on after your meeting."

"What is that supposed to mean?  I'm not going to do anything but mentor her.", and as he said this he had a creepy look in his eye and he gave me that odd smile.

"I would recommend you have the one on one right here in the conference room.  That would probably be best.  Show her that you hold all the cards.", I said, but I actually wanted to make sure their meeting was conducted in full view of everyone in the office.

"Good idea.  Show her who's in charge of her career.  Who has the power.", and as he said this he rubbed his hands together as if he was cold and seated by a camp fire.  It was odd.

"Yeah that's all about you buddy. You're in charge Mark.  We all know that."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Nope. I'm just stating the obvious.  You're in charge.  I'll send her in after we finish here."

"You do that.  For sure.  Let's wrap this up quickly so I can prepare for my little one on one with Natalie."

"Okay." I said with no inflection in my voice at all, as if I were bored with the whole conversation. I had moved on to business.

For the next 30 minutes we reviewed our sales numbers, projections, and forecasts.  We had tracked each rep's progress over the last 6 months, and measured their activity.  I provided field reports and ride along reports and each time we touched on Natalie's progress, my boss would get this glassy look in his eyes.  He paid attention for a time, but every time Natalie would walk by the office or I would mention her name he would lose his focus.  Finally, our meeting ended and I had someone page Natalie to report to the conference room.

I thought long and hard about letting her take the meeting, but I also knew that it would be in full view of the rest of the people in the office.  As Natalie walked into the conference room she tousled her hair and smiled at both of us.  At that moment, I knew who was in charge and it wasn't Mark.  That tousle of hair left him with his tongue hanging out, and at that point she could have got him to do anything she wanted, but she wasn't that type of person.  She was driven and she was career oriented.  She was all about her career, and I certainly recognized that first time I recruited her at USC. She was focused.

I introduced her, "Mark you remember Natalie."

"I sure do!", and he tried to give her a hug but she stuck out her hand for him to shake, which he did so sheepishly.

"Natalie, a lot of what we do here is predicated on Mark's leadership...so he wanted to meet with you just to see how you're doing and to discuss your future." 

She simply smiled and nodded her head. "That would be great."

"Yeah and I just wanted to give you an idea of how you'll fit in and how I can help you with your career.", added Mark.

"Well I'll leave you two.", I said and started gathering my reports.

"I can take it from here.", Mark said  and pointed for Natalie to sit, as if it were her duty.  I watched as he pulled up a chair right next to her instead of across from here, which I immediately thought would be trouble...for both of them.  I waved a hand in the air and left.

As I was walking to my office, I wondered how long it would take for him to screw that situation up.  He was relatively new to the GM role, and his inexperience was obvious.  His "A" type personality was about to get him in trouble.  I got to my office, sat down, and turned on a timer that we had been using for presentations.  I set it for 35 minutes.  I was a bit nervous, and at 33 minutes our head of HR, Grace, came running into my office.  She looked a bit flustered, and I already knew what had happened.

"We have a situation.  Can you come to my office?"

"Yep. Let me guess Mark and Natalie? "

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I saw that kettle boiling for the last month.  What happened?"

"She kicked him in the balls."

"She what? Wait can you say balls?"

"What do you want me to say? Groin? She's in my office now."

"Did anyone see what happened?"

"We all saw what happened.  The conference room is in full view of the office. He kept putting his hand on her thigh.  3 girls in the office saw it all go down. "

"Did you call the Jim?"

"Yep.  He's on his way here now.  I guess we'll both be here all night."

"I told Mark to not be an idiot."

"Well that's the problem.  Mark's not an idiot, he's an asshole."

"That's true."

" He'll soon be an unemployed asshole if it's up to me. "

"That is also true."

"And you're an asshole for letting this happen."

"Why am I an asshole?  I didn't tell him to put his hand on her thigh."

"Well, we'll see if your responsible for any of this when we talk to Natalie. You'd better hope she's alright."

Fortunately for me, she was fine.  A bit flustered, but still not completely traumatized by the event.  She said it had happened before at different jobs and she knew how to handle someone like Mark. So after a suspension, and an investigation Mark was fired. It turns out he had tried this before, but people were afraid to come forward.  For my part, I was found culpable but not responsible.  I guess there are different forms of assholes, and I was just one of them.  Lesson learned...

SFTD