It's All About Activity

In years past I had bosses who told me it was all about "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" and then working hard and generating activity. First of all, what the hell are bootstraps? Do I look like friggin Teddy Roosevelt? Who rides a horse anymore you idiot? Secondly, it isn't all about your activity. It's about the right activity, and what you do with that particular activity.

It just so happened this boss had no sales experience AT ALL. That's a smart move by management. Let's hire an uber nerd to manage your activity and this will help you make your numbers. Why would we hire an experienced manager who knows when you're working, when you're not? Why would we promote a person who can actually help you manage your time and get you to work smarter not harder? That would actually make sense that's why. In my experience, despite their best intentions, even upper management can make stupid decisions that seem to have no foundation in reality.

So this boss had spent most of his formative years earning his MBA (8 years- Apparently he thought it was not prudent to finish his degree quickly). In addition, he was working full time as a manager at Spencer Gifts, which was regarded as a positive by management. It seems to me there is a big difference between selling fake vomit and penis pasta as opposed to a real sales job where you're out on the street everyday pounding the pavement. But apparently, management views it differently. Or maybe they just don't care. Just want to fill a vacancy no matter what the consequences. I've noticed in all the companies I work for, filling a spot is really what people do when they hire. And they hire people they like, people that are like them. Short managers hire short employees. Rude managers hire rude people. Despite all of the science involved in the hiring process, poor hiring decisions are made daily.

So this inexperienced manager comes in to "right the ship". As if our sales team was sinking. We were 95% to plan and just had a bad first 6 months of the year. But here comes the MBA to save the day. He has charts, graphs, and statistics on what we should be able to forecast by the end of the year. According to his calculations if we do 25 cold calls per day together with 20 appointments per week, we should close at 110% to plan. Assuming our closing ratio is 19.73 percent which is what it is currently. Really? Really? 19.73 is our closing ratio? Which half of a client did we not close?

He rides with me for the first time, and I want to hate him but he's a very nice guy. Wife, family, kids, same as most of us. Amiable enough, but nerdy and a numbers guy which no offense, doesn't work in the sales arena. Hey, I majored in econometrics I know. I was a numbers guy too but people don't respond to data, they respond to OTHER PEOPLE! I take him to a really big prospect who I have been working on for a year to see if he can help. My immediate concern with him on the call is that he will be awkward with the customer and secondly that he will not know the sales process. Here's how the call went:

"Good morning Carol. Thanks for meeting with me again. I just wanted to introduce to my boss, he's just here to help if you have any questions. I know this our 3rd time meeting, so I hopefully after today we'll have made some progress and start working together."

"If you give me better pricing I don't see why not?", Carol answered and laughed. She was definitely a numbers person, but very amiable. Nice lady.

Ray held out his hand for her to shake, "Uh hi my name is Ray, I'm Murray's new boss. Please to meet you." he says, shakes hands, and then looks at the ground. To say the situation is awkward is an understatement.

"Pleased to meet you Ray. Well I hope you can help us negotiate some of this pricing we're looking at from you guys. Murry tells me you guys aren't budging?"

"Don't know if I can do anything right now with the pricing. It looks pretty good from our corporate, but I'll use the Jedi mind trick on them to see if we can make it happen.", he said, looked up from his shoes and smiled. He had that weird smile, like a taxidermist or serial killer; nervous and creepy.

I suppressed the inclination to say to whom, "Who the hell makes a Star Wars reference in the middle of a sales call?" Now the contact is looking at me strangely so I try to take control of the call.

"Ha ha ha... I know you were looking at a reduction in price to help cut costs, and I'm sure we can review the pricing. But we are really selling a superior product here in terms of clinical outcomes. It shows a 35% reduction in hospital length of stay in the most recent study by Weintraub", I said and handed her the clinical results.

"Yeah and it comes with a free light sabre", Ray piped in trying to add another weird joke to the situation.

"Thank you Obi One.", I said and laughed again," But with a reduction in the length of stay this will help reduce your overall costs as opposed to just looking at our pricing and reimbursement. Does that make sense?"

"You mean if we use this product you'll guarantee a reduction in our length of stay by 35%?" our contact said and looked at me in disbelief.

"No, I didn't say that. I said that it has shown to reduce length of stay by 35% in some clinical studies. I don't want there to be any misconception on our part. It's a 35% clinical reduction. Nothing is truly guaranteed. "

"Use the force. It's guaranteed.", Ray said again. I thought I saw him holding an action figure but that could've been my imagination. I shot him an angry look and he stopped smiling and looked down at the ground.

"Keep in mind you've been using our products for a while in free trials and your patient's outcomes have definitely improved. Check with your doctors and nurses."

" We have and we're not sure the cost savings is realistic or justified. You've done a great job of convincing everyone that the product does work and so "kudos" to you, but were fairly happy with our current vendor", she said.

"We can appreciate your loyalty. It makes sense, but you've seen all the clinical evidence right? It beats all of our competitors hands down in performance under clinical trials and it's working with your patients right now. Why would you stay with a product that doesn't work as effectively? Especially if you can reduce the length of stay", I stated very matter of factly as if there was no doubt.

"Unless you can give us a 10% reduction in the cost to justify the usage we are going to consider other options. Sorry."

"I would love to reduce the pricing, but the quality of our products is worth that tiny bit more of an investment on your part since you'll be saving in the long run by reducing your patient's length of stay. "

"Let me see the pricing again. ", she said with a smirk on her face and I handed her our pricing list for the 3rd time in 3 months. She took it, looked it over, and said nothing. She started to type some numbers on her calculator, wrote on the proposal, scribbled a few more numbers and still said nothing. I was silent, waiting for her to speak first and give me a buying sign. We were both quiet for a time, and she opened her mouth to speak but instead Ray broke the silence

"Listen Carol, this could go on all day, but we need to go. We have another appointment in a few minutes. Do you want to get back to us when you've made a decision?"

Carol was startled, "What? Where do you have to be right now?", she seemed offended.

"We have a 2 o'clock appointment. Why don't you just get back to us. Thanks.", he said it with no inflection in his voice. As if he were a robot. I could see that Carol was visibly upset and she thought he was being rude.

"Okay. I'll get back to you, but right now I'm leaning towards staying with our current company."

"That's fine", he said. "Let's go Murry. We don't wanna be late."

"What? Uh okay. I guess we'll get back to you Carol. Thanks for meeting with us. I'll be in touch."

"Okay. I guess I'll review this and talk to you later. Thanks for coming in."

We shook hands and I walked out of there bemused by my new bosses behavior. What the hell was he thinking? We were so close to making a deal and he just gets up and walks out?

"That was awesome!", he said, obviously invigorated by the call. "I've always wanted to do that! Turn the tables on a customer by getting up and walking out."

"I think we blew it in there Ray. She was close to making a decision and no offense you pushed her in the wrong direction.", I was trying to quell my anger with him.

"No way dude. That was just like Tin Men! You make them want it by getting up and walking out. You make them think they're missing out on something. It was textbook sales technique."

At this point, I couldn't help but be angry.

"Ray. Just so you know, "Tin Men" is not recommended reading for Sales 101. Neither is "Used Cars", "Boiler Room", or any other movies you may have seen about sales. You need to practice your rapport building, needs analysis and closing techniques. This isn't the movies, it's REAL sales.

"No way. You watch. She'll call you back. I guarantee it. And she'll wanna do business with us! It just like in the movie. They were pissed at first but they camme back and bought the siding."

"Ray. Sales is not like in the movies. It's not that easy!"

"Sure it is. It's about activity and talking to people. If you can relate to people they you can sell. And the more people you get a hold of the more sales you make!"

"Ray that's if people like you and trust you. If they don't; you're screwed."

" She liked me. I can tell. She definitely likes you"

I was visibly pissed off at this simple analysis of my job and sales in general. If it was that friggin easy, then everyone would do it! Ray's simple analysis of the situation was offensive to me and sales people as a whole.

"You wanna know what movie I was thinking of when you were in there talking to Carol and telling her we'd get back with her?", I asked him.

"No. What movie?"

"'I Am Sam'. Cause what you did in there was retarded."

SELL ME THIS COFFEE!

Do you see the wonderful image of this young man smiling as he prepares your coffee? If you're a coffee drinker, and I am, that's is a wonderful sight in the morning...a smiling, happy, employee, ready to serve you a piping hot cup of coffee.

I don't buy coffee at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, or Peet's normally in the morning. I'm too cheap for the good stuff and lately with the way the economy has been fluctuating, I'll take the Fusion Coffee at 7-11 and serve it to myself. However, there are occasions when I do feel like a latte, cinnamon dolce latte, or just an americano and when I go to a coffee shop I'd like the person behind the counter to smile and greet me warmly. Just like a good cup of coffee.

Friday of last week, I went to my local coffee shop because most of the time the people are very friendly and the service is great! It's definitely a hipster joint with all the servers wearing offensive T-shirts, tattoos covering each arm, and probably a spec script in their backpacks. They're all very friendly and the environment is wonderful. I always look a bit out of place, because I wear a shirt and tie daily for my job, but no one ever gives me a hard time. It's very chill and very cool.

However on this particular morning there was a new employee who'd I'd never seen before. He seemed like an amiable young man, small in stature, Asian in descent, straight black hair, a slight lisp when he spoke, and if not gay; then at least on his way. Which personally I don't give a damn if someone is gay or not. I just want my coffee in the morning. He smiled at me as I approached the counter and I thought okay he seems nice.

"Can I take your order sir?", he said without a smile, and I could already sense some disdain in his voice.

"Can I just get a cup of coffee black, to go?", I answered and smiled, hoping he would reciprocate.

"What I'm sorry, did you say you just wanted a cup of coffee black?", and he said this with a slight attitude as if I'd insulted the place for ordering a plain cup of coffee.

" Yes, just a plain cup of coffee, black, to go.", I responded plainly like the coffee.

"Sir, look at all the wonderful coffees we have here, why would you just order a plain cup of coffee?", he said and the lisp became more pronounced as if he were on America's Next Top Model judging beautiful young girls. He looked at me as if I were an idiot for just getting a plain cup of coffee and I could swear he was pouting his lips as he spoke.

" I just like it plain. Sorry. I don't really want a latte or mochaccino today. Just plain coffee."

"You seem like that kind of guy. Just plain. Okay one plain cup of coffee coming up for the boring guy.", he said and walked over to the coffee dispenser and looked at me with disgust as he was pouring the coffee. He brought it back and handed it to me. "That'll be $1.95 Mr. Plain Black Coffee". He said loudly and with such contempt, that even the person next to me in line was slightly startled by his tone.

" Thanks for the coffee. Oh! And the attitude. Can I get my service next time without all the whipped cream and sprinkles?", and I let out a chuckle after I said it.

" What?", he said and he stopped what he was doing and put his hands on his hips. "What do you mean by that? Are you saying I'm gay?" And he said this loud enough to draw people's attention. As if he were looking for a fight.

I actually started to laugh, "What the hell does that have to do with coffee?"

"Whipped cream and sprinkles? What does that mean? Does that mean I'm gay?", he said it even louder this time.

By this time all the patrons in the place were looking at us. Me in my shirt and tie and him in his pink T-Shirt which read, "DON'T MAKE ME BITCH SLAP YOU!". It looked like a showdown over Proposition 8.

"I don't care if you are gay, just don't give me an attitude because I ordered a plain coffee. That's all", I said in a calm but loud tone.

" Oh because I'm gay, now I have an attitude?!", he shouts at me from behind the counter. The place is not very big and everyone has now stopped what they're doing and are looking at us. I could tell that my attire was not helping me gain support for my cause in this more liberal environment, so I quickly decided an exit was the best strategy. I took my coffee and turned to head towards the door, but not without a parting shot.

"You don't have an attitude because you're gay, you have an attitude because you're a little a#$hole. Thanks for the coffee." I said and held up my cup as I stepped near the doorway to leave.

" Screw you!  You tight assed, closed minded, gay hater.", he again yelled from behind the counter.

" You wish!", I said then snapped my fingers, burst out laughing, and headed out the door with my coffee. I walked down the street, not looking back, and then looked in my cup to make sure he hadn't added anything "extra". I knew at that moment, I wouldn't be visiting that coffee shop anytime soon. Too bad, I loved the place.

I was slightly embarrassed by my behavior, but I hate when people give me a hard time when they're trying to sell me something I don't want. As if I'm an idiot for choosing what I expressly wanted. Now if he had suggested something different, or had asked what I was feeling like that morning; instead of insinuating I was boring like my coffee, I might have ordered something different.

Gay or straight, plain or cinnamon dolce latte, we're all the same and we all want it "our way". Oh and serve it to us with a smile.....not a attitude!

-M

The Interview from Hell

As a Sales Manager, Service Manager, or just a manager, you come across people that you should definitely not hire, but who might be better off behind bars. And I don't mean the kind that serve alcohol. I mean prison bars. About 8 years ago, I interviewed one such person. I feel that after the experience I was not only better for it, I was lucky to be alive!

I was working as a Service Manager and I had a fleet of drivers who reported to me. However, these were not only drivers, but sales representatives as well. So they had to serve the customer and sell additional products in the process. This called for a unique individual who could be both humble enough to serve the customer but also have enough courage to ask them for a sale. In layman's terms they had to be able to take a lot of crap from people and still get them to buy our stuff. So sales experience was a priority.

Enter into the situation, Jimmy Johnson, and no it isn't the NASCAR driver. Jimmy, was probably close to 50 years old, an amiable enough person,(first appearances are deceiving) who came to me "looking for a change of pace". He thought he could drive a van well enough, he had a clean driving record, and so why not give it a shot. Jimmy appeared fit enough, and he spoke low and slow, with a midwestern accent, probably from Texas or Oklahoma, and he seemed like a nice enough fellow to start. He came into my office in a collared shirt, without a tie, which was already a bad sign. He shook my hand heartily or angrily, I can't remember which, and took a seat in front of me. The interview went something like this:

"So Jimmy, I have your application here, do you have a resume?"

"No I don't. Do ya need that?", I assumed Jimmy didn't have a computer.

"Well, it would certainly help. But it's not a requirement. Most jobs you apply for nowadays they ask for a resume, so as a piece of advice you might wanna write one up."

" Sorry about that. I didn't know."

" Like I said. It's not a requirement. I'm more interested in the person than a piece of paper. So why don't you tell me about yourself.", the typically stupid first question on our interview guides.

" What do ya wanna know?", he said and looked offended.

" You know, the usual stuff. Where you're working now, where did you work before, what are you looking for in a job.  Stuff like that." I said calmly and affably.

I always tried to make applicants feel at ease during an interview, this way you could get to know the "real" person your interviewing. Keeping in mind you're about to spend thousands of dollars training and working with this person so you'd better be damn sure of your hire. You want to ensure that they're dependable, hard working, amiable, and that they're at least sane?

"Oh, I work at Pep Boys. Customer Service...behind the counter."

"Do you like it?"

"It's okay. Why?", again he seemed offended that I would ask him this question.  He seemed easily offended by everything...like my breathing.

" Just a question. What did you do before that?", I said and I could see Jimmy was a little nervous and fidgety in his seat. "Jimmy, these are just standard questions. It's not an interrogation, but we have to know where you work, what you do, what you did before? Otherwise there's no way for me to tell what kind of worker or a person you are."

" Oh! I'm a really hard worker.", he said and sat up taller in his chair.

" Uh huh. Most of the people I interview say they're a really hard worker. What sets you apart from some of the other people applying for this job?"

"Sets me apart? I dunno...What? Don't you believe I'm a hard worker?", and again he seemed upset by all the questions as to his character.

" I do. I do. But there are other hard workers applying as well for this job.  But why should we hire you as opposed to them?"

"Cause I'll work harder than them is why.", he said and smiled, proud of his answer. As he smiled I noticed he was missing a tooth on the left hand side of his mouth. It didn't seem to bother him though. I chuckled at his answer. Jimmy didn't appear to be the brightest bulb in the bunch but I didn't want to cut him short and offend him, so I changed my line of questioning.

" Okay Jimmy. I get your point. You're a hard worker.", I said and smiled at him and he smiled again, the missing space where a tooth was supposed to be, staring at me. "Let's try some different questions. You work at Pep Boys right now. Is that correct?"

"Yes sir. 5 years now.", he said proudly.

" How do you like your job?"

" Well I like it okay, but I wanna change jobs now?"

" And why do you wanna change jobs?"

" I got a little girl and she's gonna have a little girl, and so I need to make more money to support them. That's why I got the idea to come here."

" So you wanna change jobs to support your daughter and grandchild? Is that right?"

" Yep. You gotta support your kids no matter what. It's a father's duty."

I admired his commitment. I smiled, "That's admirable Jimmy, I'm glad you feel that way. Too many men nowadays don't follow that same line of thinking. Good for you."

"Thank you sir.", he said and smiled again, but a big broad smile this time, and a little bit creepy. He was starting to relax.  It almost looked like he wanted to put his feet up on the desk.

" Jimmy, do you work with customers regularly at Pep Boys?"

" Well yes sir. I'm behind the counter like I said, in the Parts Department. I know a lot about cars and car parts. I think that's why they gave me the job."

" How do you like working with customers? Is it enjoyable to you?"

" It's okay. Sometimes they can be really nice, and then other times they can be a down right pain in the butt!", he said and chuckled. I laughed with him.

" I see. Is there anything that motivates you in your job? Say dealing with customers?"

" Motivates?", he looked at me confused. As if I'd asked him to solve the world problems with one answer. 

" Gets you excited to work? Makes your day go better?"

" Oh I like car parts and cars. That gets me excited. I especially like it when I find a part a fella's been looking for for a long time. And I'm able to help him. That happened the other day. A fella was looking for a part for the AC on a 74 Corolla and we just happened to have one. It was weird, but this part had been on the shelf for years and we just happened to have it. Yeah that kinda stuff uh m-o-ti-va-tes me. Stuff like that." And as you can tell by the way I wrote it he pronounced motivate very slowly and correctly.

I took that as a pretty respectable answer. And that's a standard question in interviews, "What motivates you?" If an applicant is reasonably intelligent they can figure that one out, and how to answer it. The only problem here was that I wasn't certain of Jimmy's level of intelligence, but he answered it admirably. So I moved on to the standard follow up question.

"Okay Jimmy. Good answer. Now can you tell me what demotivates you?"

" Demotivates me sir?", he had that confused look again.

" Yeah what do you not like in your job, in your life. What just upsets you or gets you riled up?"

" Oh. Never been asked that before. Course haven't had an interview in 5 years. And never one quite like this. ", he said and then laughed. He seemed at ease, and I laughed with him.

" Hmmm...Well sir I don't like it when people push my buttons."

" Push your buttons? What do you mean by that Jimmy?"

" Well sir, when they rile me up. They do something that makes me really mad."

" Okay...Can you think of a time recently when somebody pushed your buttons?"

Jimmy's face tightened for a minute and he wrinkled his nose as if he was thinking hard. Which for him, I'm sure took all of his cognitive powers. He did this for an uncomfortable period of time before I interrupted his thought process.

"It doesn't have to be work related. It can be personal. Just think of a time recently that someone pushed your buttons."

He went back to thinking again and then he looked up at me as if he'd discovered a cure for cancer,
 " I got it!" he said and smiled.

"Well? Do you want to tell me about it?"

" There was this fella. Well, I mentioned my baby girl before, but there was this fella she was seeing, named Pedro and he used to push my buttons."

"Really, what did he do?"

" Well sir, he got my little girl pregnant. That's what he did. And that really upset me. But that's not the half of it. One night my little girl came to me crying saying she didn't know what to do, that she was lost. And that this Pedro fella was mean to her and not helping with the baby at all. So then she tried to move in with him, but that didn't work out neither. She was real upset, real upset. And then one night she came home with all her bags and told me he was an awful fella and that he was mean to her and threaten to beat her and that she didn't wanna see him no more."

At this point I was intrigued with the story and just nodded and let him continue.

"So I said to her what do you mean honey? You don't want to see him no more? You're gonna have a baby together. Isn't that what you want honey.  That baby's got ta have a daddy. And she said 'No daddy, I'd rather die then let him near my baby. I can raise the baby. But I don't ever want to see Pedro again. Never, never, ever!' Well I looked at her and then I realized exactly what she meant by never ever seeing him again."

" What do you mean you knew exactly what she meant?", now I was the one who looked confused.

" Well, I'm a Vietnam Vet, and when someone says they don't want to see someone no more that means, they REALLY don't want to see them no more. That's how we took care of things in the bush. If you didn't wanna see someone one again, you handled it."

" Handled it? Really?", I noticed that I was the one who was now nervous, "Oh my god what did you do?"

" Well, I broke into this fella Pedro's house, and I waited in the dark with my huntin knife for him to come home.", his voice became very quiet, almost a whisper as if he thought people outside the office might hear him. I was hoping they would hear him too, and that they would call the police.

"What?!", I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like a dream. I was literally on the edge of my seat!

" That's right. I waited in the dark with my knife, and for sure I was gonna kill him. And while I was waiting there I thought...this ain't gonna help my baby girl. Killing this fella. I can't take care of her in jail. This ain't the right thing to do."

"So what did you do?", I said at the end of my chair, waiting to hear the outcome and then immediately call the proper authorities.

" Well just then he comes in the door, and I grabbed him and pushed him up against the wall. I put the knife under his throat like this." And he showed me how he did it, by placing his hand under his throat. As he told the story, his voice rose with anticipation.

"And I said, 'Listen up Pedro! You got 2 choices right now. You can leave home to Tijuana tonight, or you can go home tomorrow in a body bag! What's it gonna be?!'", and as he said this he almost shouted the words, "body bag" and "what's it gonna be".

"Oh my god, what happened?", I almost shouted interrupting him but unable to contain myself. I was feeling for a little buzzer under my desk to summon someone to come and get this guy out of my office, but there was no such buzzer.  I was screwed.

He answered now in a calm almost serenely creepy voice, " He went back to Tijuana and my little girl never saw him again. And that's what I mean by people pushing my buttons.", and then he sat back in his chair, somewhat proud of his story.  And he again delivered that creepy smile.

At this point, I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't think straight so I went to the interview guide which was in front of me and looked for a standard question to ask.
"Do you have any hobbies?", I said.

" I don't have too many friends ya know.", he answered.

I nearly fell out of my chair because in my head I thought, "Maybe because you're a psycho!". I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing and faked a cough.

"Excuse me a second Jimmy, just need to get some water.", I said and headed for the door.

"Okay I'll be here when you get back.", he said.

Again I covered my mouth because my initial thought was "I hope not you wacko!" I opened the door, and closed it to make sure he wasn't getting out. I ran into the break room, closed the door and just started laughing. Two of the other managers were in there, and they looked at me oddly.

"Okay guys, if I don't come out of the office in the next 10 minutes call the police. I got a friggin psycho in my office.", I said and started laughing again.

" What are you talking about?", one of the managers asked and he was smiling because I was still laughing.

" I'm serious. This guy's a nut. I'll tell you later. But seriously if you hear anything odd like a chair being thrown or a desk tipping over, bust in. Or if I don't come out soon, bust in. I'll tell you about it later. I gotta get in there before he goes postal on me."

"Alright. But you better tell us all about it when you're done!"

" Oh don't worry I will."

I headed back to the office in less than 5 minutes. I walked inside and didn't even sit down. I stood behind my desk and offered my hand for Jimmy to shake. He stood up and then shook it.

" Sorry about that Jimmy. It must've been my allergies. Well, anyway that's pretty much all the questions I have right now. We're interviewing a lot of people so I gotta go. Do you have any questions for me?"

He look confused again, " Uh yeah. That's it? So do I get the job or what?"

" Well, like I said we are interviewing a lot of people and so we'll call you back if you qualify for the next round of interviews."

" Oh wait, don't gimme that. I heard that before. Don't tell me you're gonna call me if you're not. I don't like that.", and he gave me that look that he had while he was telling his story. As if I had just touched his "button", but hadn't pushed it.  Now, I was starting to get a little bit nervous.  I knew I'd better give him a straight answer. I didn't want to set him off.

" Okay then I'll tell you now. You're not a good fit for the job.", I said and waited for either a sane reply or a knife at my throat.

" What do you mean fit?", definitely confused now and a little irritable.

" It's a service and SALES position and frankly you don't have enough sales experience. Sorry. But thanks for coming in.", I said and offered my hand again.

He shook my hand and said, " I appreciate your honesty. Thanks."

" And I appreciated yours.", I said and led him out of my office. I went back in and locked the door behind me. The receptionist buzzed my phone and I answered.

"You're 2 o'clock is here. Should I have him fill out an application?"

" Sure that should take a few minutes and that'll give me more than enough time."

"Enough time for what? Lunch?", she asked.

"No. Enough time to buy a bullet proof vest!"




-M

What was that?!

For years I sold or serviced mats, mops, cleaning supplies, anything to do with cleanliness, and my company always prided itself on it's wonderful processes and procedures.

"We aren't always the cheapest, but we're the best!", we would tell customers.

"We may be a little bit more expensive, but hey, you get what you pay for!", was one of our favorite slogans.

"Our cleaning process is the best in the business. You're mats are put through a thorough sterilization, cleaning, and inspection process before they're delivered to you by our professional service representatives. So they come back clean,on time, at the right time, every time." was another marketing slogan.

What that really meant was. "we wash your stuff, hope we get all the crap off of it that YOU LEFT ON IT, roll it up and send one of our drivers out to you if he hasn't been involved in an accident because he was talking on his cell phone, or stoned, while operating our vehicle."

So it was important to check every sales sample before we left the warehouse because we never new what kind of shit was going to be on a towel, mat, mop, or even soap dispenser. All the warehouses I worked in, were either located in the inner city, in a bad neighborhood, or out in the middle of nowhere, where no one wanted to commute, and dental hygiene was not a priority for many of the employees. In either case, the chance for a production slip up was always a possibility. Don't get me wrong, my partners in production were great but sometimes things would "slip through the cracks".

As a manager, I would go with reps on what we termed "Target Account" calls because I had more experience most of the time, and usually big company buyers want the respect of having some stupid manager with the rep. Half the time these purchasing people were trained to be jerks, so if the rep brought a jerk of his/her own along (ME), then it balanced out the power in the sales call. Jerk = Jerk, and you have equilibrium.

In this particular case my rep Kenny, needed me to go with him to call on a large, local super market chain. It was approximately 20 stores in Southern California and represented a great deal of money for us if we got it. Kenny was extremely nervous about the account, since he had never presented or even talked to an account of this size before. The process for Target Accounts was always longer and involved many meetings, so I told him:

"Don't sweat it. Just make sure you have all your samples ready. This will just be a meet and greet. Ya know, question and answer session? We need to find out what they really want in a service. The hard part comes later." , I told him and boy was I right about that.

"Cool. Cool. I'm just a little nervous is all.", he said as we grabbed our stuff and got into his car, "Not used to accounts this big."

"You'll do fine. Did you check and make sure all our samples are good?"

"Yep. We're good", he said and I was confident he knew what he was talking about. Bad move on my part.

We went to the account, and I was under the impression we were meeting with a junior buyer, or a purchasing associate, but it turned out we were meeting with the Head of Purchasing, Dave, and his assistant, Tammy. I wasn't sure if Kenny was prepared for this type of call. Or if I was even prepared, so we did a quick pre-call plan in the car on the way to the meeting to ensure our success.

The corporate offices were located in a seedy little section of LA off of Santa Monica Boulevard. It was the original store and the family had decided to keep it's headquarters there for sentimental value. Not a great idea, since the store was now covered on one side with graffiti, and the neighborhood was crawling with drug addicts. Mostly "tweekers", or people who do crystal meth, speed, etc. The type of druggies you see scratching themselves all the time in front of convenience stores in the California Desert, asking for change. I assumed this particular store's biggest selling items were Coke and candy bars, staples of a drug addled diet. I tried not to touch anything as we walked through the main entrance and towards the offices which were in the back.

Surprisingly the inside of the store were really nice, and it was very, very clean. I could see why people would want to shop for groceries here, and was happy when an administrative assistant spotted us and led us up some stairs to the company's corporate offices. She led us down a hallway and into a conference room with a long beautiful mahogany table, nice chairs, and a beautiful High Definition television positioned perfectly on the far wall. As we waited, Kenny and I salivated at the sight of the HD TV which must have been at least 60 inches.

"Be nice to watch the Super Bowl on that thing.", Kenny said, and I just grunted approval. Men are weird about electronics, it's the same for women and make up. There's an almost primal connection for both sexes to these particular types of consumer goods.

The Head of Purchasing, Dave, came out and greeted us with his assistant Tammy, who was an incredibly pretty blonde girl, with enormous breasts, which she displayed prominently in a low cut, tight fitting, blouse. She was tall, and beautiful, an obvious tool for Dave to use to distract reps and get a better deal for his company. Kenny just stared at her chest and didn't even acknowledge her face or Dave's extended hand, while I on the other hand tried to stay focused. It was difficult but I took a seat near Dave while Kenny was transfixed and said very little.

Dave began the call by explaining he and Tammy had very little time, and that he'd like to see what we were offering with our pricing immediately. This was a ploy to get us to spill our guts, but I handled the request with a few questions to find out what they needed first. Meanwhile, I think Kenny was in sensory overload, first by Tammy's beauty and secondly the size of the HD television; because he was nearly catatonic. For the first 15 minutes of the call he said nothing.

As I continued with the call, asking questions of Dave, and waiting for his guarded responses. (Again, purchasing people are trained to be this way) I sensed Kenny slowly coming out of his reverie and averting his eyes from Tammy's chest. In fact, at one point he even asked a question, "What chest...I mean what best describes a company you would do business with?"

"I guess a company that offers us something unique.", was Dave's answer.

Suddenly, as if Dave had slapped him, Kenny stood up quickly and said, "I think we have just what you need. Let me show you." He walked quickly over to our samples and grabbed a rolled up mat. He was smiling and walking, as he looked at both Dave and Tammy, obviously beaming now with confidence. He really looked like the "cat that ate the canary".

"We offer unique logo mats. Mats where we can even put a picture of your store on the mats and they won't wash off. The colors and image are woven into the fabric, so it stays that way for the life of the mat!", he spoke with such enthusiasm, he could hardly contain himself. He held the mat in one hand and worked at rolling the rubber band off of it in order the spread it out on the floor or even on the table. Keep in mind only the rubber back of the mat was exposed and so the logo was not visible to anyone, including myself. Our company rolled them this way to protect the logo and carpeting from wearing out early.

Kenny set the rolled up mat on the table, and with one hand he held the end, while with the other hand he slowly rolled the mat out on the conference table in order to expose the beautiful logo. Or what he thought was a beautiful logo. As he slowly rolled the mat out on the table, a detailed picture of a car was slowly being revealed to all of us. But as he got to the end of the mat all of the sudden a little brown mouse popped out from the unrolled portion and leaped onto the mat! It scurried across the table and onto the floor so fast none of us had time to react. We all jumped back in surprised and frightened.

"What the hell was that?!", Dave shouted and jumped back.

"A mouse, it was a mouse!", his assistant Tammy shouted and jumped up from her chair looking for the mouse as she leaped up and down screaming, " A mouse, a mouse!", she was so hysterical her breasts nearly popped out of her blouse.

Kenny and I were equally surprised and needed to act quickly to resolve the situation, but he seemed transfixed by the site of Tammy jumping up and down, and did not move from his chair. In fact, I was the only one who reacted. I leaped up from my chair and held my arms out, as if I was guarding the mouse in a basketball game.

"Where did it go?", I shouted and stepped back slowly from the table.

"It's under the table.", Dave answered. "You can't let that thing into the store, we'll be sighted by the Health Department." He also stepped slowly away from the table.

"What do you want me to do Dave?"

"Catch it you idiot. Before Tammy has a heart attack, and before it gets into the store!", he yelled, while his assistant continued to jump up and down screaming. Her performance kept Kenny transfixed. He never moved, just watched her jumping and jiggling.

I moved slowly so I wouldn't disturb the mouse and noted that the conference room door was closed; I figured it had to be in the room. Tammy continued to scream until Dave shouted at her, "Tammy shut up. You're going to scare it!". She stopped jumping up and down and shouting. Kenny immediately came to his senses.

"Where is it?", he said and got up slowly from his chair.

"I don't see it anywhere I said. I think it might be under the table."

All four of us backed away from the table and looked underneath to try and spot the mouse. Since it was brown and the carpet was tan, this task was nearly impossible. We all moved slowly looking intently, even Tammy, who was shaking and visibly frightened.

"I see it.", said Kenny and he moved slowly towards a corner of the room, "It's in the corner. Nobody move."

" I see it too.", I said and then Dave confirmed it's position, "Me too.", he said. You could spot this little brown ball over in the corner. It's black eyes looking out as it moved back and forth trapped.

" I don't wanna look.", his assistant added and tried to look away but she couldn't.

" Tammy just stay still don't move. Kenny I'll try to get it to move towards you and you try to grab it.", I said.

"What the hell do I grab it with?", he answered.

"Throw the mat on top of it and then maybe we can get a jar or something to get it out of here."

"Good idea. Just cover it.", Dave added. "Then we can figure out what to do with it."

"Just don't kill it.", Tammy interjected. "It's just a little mouse."

"Okay. Okay. We'll try not to. I'm gonna move towards you Kenny grab the mat."

"Got it.", Kenny held the mat like a net, crouching, as if he was going to cast it over the mouse as it ran away.

I stepped towards the mouse and it bolted following, along the walls of the room. Kenny rushed after it while it moved around the room quickly. Hunch over while he moved, he was so focused on covering the mouse that he ran forward with the mat trying to cover it, and straight into Tammy's chest. He bounced off of her breasts, tried to grab them to prevent his fall and then he fell back onto the carpet with the logo mat flying into the air and Tammy screaming. The mouse, frightened by the noise made a mad dash for the door, and Dave seeing his only chance to stop the rodent from getting into the store grabbed a large, bound, report on the table and threw it on top of the mouse. It landed with a resounding thud on the floor.

"Got him!", he shouted, "I'm pretty sure I got him. He's under that blue binder." He stood over the binder, I was in the corner of the room, Kenny was on the ground, and Tammy was standing over him.

"Oh gross!", Tammy yelled.

"What did you want me to do. He would've got into the store.", Dave responded.

"Not that. Him. He grabbed my breasts", she said and pointed at Kenny who was still on the ground, but sitting up now.

"It was an accident.", he exclaimed and this time he was right. She was so tall he wasn't paying attention to her and he had run face first into her chest. I don't think he had intended to do so, but he didn't seem unhappy with the outcome.

"Yeah I don't think he was trying to do that Tammy. He was trying to catch the mouse.", I interjected. Dave nodded in agreement. Kenny go to his feet and sat in one of the empty chairs.

"Either way, he still grabbed my breasts. Uggh...I feel violated.", she looked at Dave.

"Sorry about that. It wasn't intentional. I was falling backwards and the mouse startled me.", Kenny reiterated his point. Tammy wasn't listening, she was glaring at Dave.

"Tammy I'm sure it wasn't intentional. But guys I think the meeting is over. We need to get this cleaned up, and frankly I think we're all too startled to continue. Leave your cards and I'll contact you later for a proposal."

"Sorry about all this.", I said, "We'll pick up all of our stuff, but I'd like to reschedule if possible."

"Sure.Sure. Call me Monday next week.", Dave said obviously still stunned. He smiled a little. " But just you, not him", he said and pointed at Kenny.

"That's fine.", he said, "I understand. But please understand all that was an accident. We don't normally have mice in our mats."

"Ha ha. I know. Let's just get past this and get back to work.", Dave said.

"Got it. Thanks." , I said. Kenny moved slowly out of his chair and towards his samples. Tammy moved away from him and towards the door.

"Dave, are we done here? I'm just gonna go to my office. That was the craziest thing I've ever seen. I was accosted by a rat, and a mouse was squashed in front of me.", she said, shot Kenny a dirty look, and headed out the door.

"Sure. We'll talk in a few minutes. I need to escort these guys out, before they leave else here like a cockroach or a rat."

"Very funny Dave.", she left and headed down the hallway.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine.", he said, "follow me guys."

Kenny and I grabbed our samples, shook Dave's hand, and said "thank you"; he led us out of the Conference Room, down the stairs, and back into the neighborhood of drug addled street urchins. I told him I would call him on Monday, knowing full well he would not take my call, and we loaded up Kenny's care with our sample products. Kenny got behind the wheel, and I jumped in the passenger side. Kenny slowly drove out of the parking lot and as we got on the freeway he looked over at me.

"Best sales call ever!", he said and started laughing.

"I agree!", I answered.

-M"

A Case of Mistaken Identity

One of my best friends called me on my day off, just to tell me this story. I was at breakfast and nearly died laughing. I don't know how it will play out in word form but I'm gonna give it a shot.

We have both been working for the same company for almost 2 years now and doing exceptionally well. However, our old boss was asked to leave almost 9 months ago and we both have maintained contact with him just because he was a great guy. And despite opinion, you can be a good person and a good boss. In fact, in my career too many unqualified managers have ruined and I mean destroyed the careers of some great people.

So my friend Mike, or in this case Michael, was working late one night and didn't finish his job until 2 am. After a long grueling night he just wanted to get some sleep. However at around 5:30 am his cell phone rang and it was our old boss:

"Mike, good morning it's Tom Robert's here. Sorry to get you up early this morning Mike, but I'm in Chicago at corporate headquarters,and I've got the Vice President of operations Neal here, along with 2 of our customer service reps. We wanted just wanted you to give us an idea of how it's going at your account ______ Hospital. How are you this morning Mike?"

"Uh...good, good. I guess. What was the question again Tom?", Mike answered wondering why Tom was calling him at 5:30 first of all, and secondly why was he with the Vice President of another company?!

Michael responded but the whole time he was thinking "this must be a joke or a job interview. I'll just play along. Why does he keep calling me Mike, he's always called me Michael?"

"Ha ha. I know it's early, are you awake Mike? We were wondering how are things with _______ Hospital? Neal is just concerned since we've had some issues with the account, and it's our largest account in the West. We'd just like to be clear on their concerns. Did we get the billing issues resolved?"

" Uh yeah sure I guess. I'm not really familiar with that account Tom, since it's not in my territory. Are you referring to another _______ Hospital?"

" Nope there's only one...Always the kidder, huh Mike? Seriously Mike, can you give Neal a run down on what's happening with the account please. We don't have a lot of time Mike and we just want to clear this up before we go into a meeting."

"Oh sorry Tom. The account's good, it's good... Uh things seem to be better now. I was worried for a while but things seem to be improving.", he answered thinking "he must have me confused with his new rep. He never calls me Mike it's always Michael." So he starts sending a text immediately which reads, "Tom, get off the phone you are calling the wrong Mike this is Michael, not Mike. Hang up the phone!" He waits a few seconds but no reply is returned.

" Oh well that's great Mike, absolutely great. How bout those billing issues we were having? Are those resolved now? I know we were having trouble with their payables for a while. Did they pay those back invoices?"

Michael didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to blow Tom's cover and embarrass him at his new job. He also didn't want to carry on with this conversation when he didn't know the answers to the questions and he was operating on 3 hours of sleep. So he did the logical thing. He hung up the phone on Tom!

He figured that Tom would get the text and not call back. 30 seconds later, his phone rings again!

"Mike. We must've got cut off there. Sorry about that. So Mike, we were talking about those billing issues and I was wondering, did they pay us are they resolved?"

"I guess so yeah Tom, I haven't heard anything more so I'm pretty sure they paid. I'll double check though. "

" Great. How about that ICU Director, everything okay with him now? I know he was unhappy for a little while."

" Oh he's fine now. I in-serviced the account and he's okay now.", Michael said, lying through his teeth to protect his old boss, and hoping the call would end.

" Wonderful Mike. Well that's all the questions I have Mike. Thanks."
" No problem Tom.", he says and sends off the same text again.

At this point Michael thinks he's off the hook and is about to hang up the phone, but he's interrupted just as he is about to say goodbye.

" Mike, this is Peggy, customer service rep for the account. How are you?"

" I'm good, good. Thanks Peggy.", Michael responds thinking, "please let this end soon!"

" Mike, I have a few questions. Number one. Were we able to recover that missing product for their emergency room?"

" Yes Peggy we were thanks. I'm glad you brought that up. It was kind of difficult to find. But the staff helped me.", now Michael was just "hamming it up".

" How about the Cardiology unit are they okay with our service?"

" Oh yeah, yeah, they were a problem for a while. But they love us now."

" Good, good. That's great news. Thanks Mike, I appreciate the feedback."

"Oh no problem Peggy. Thanks for all your hard work.", he says and again he is about to say goodbye when...

" Mike. Neal here. The VP (he emphasized the VP part) I just want to thank you and I'm sure Tom does as well for the great job you're doing. Keep up the good work and have a good day."

" Just glad to help Neal. Although I'm not used to getting up this early", Michael responded and the response was audible laughter on the other end of the phone line.

"Very funny Mike. Thanks again we'll talk later.", Tom said.
" Okay Tom. Have a good one.", Michael answere and hung up the phone. He was somewhat proud of himself for getting through the call, and extremely confused about what just happened.

He sent another text to Tom and the exchange went like this:

Michael: "Tom, this is Michael, I just go off the phone with you, but you were trying to call your rep, not me."
Tom: "Michael why are you texting me this early. Are you up?"
Michael: "Yes, I'm up. I'm trying to tell you that you called me by mistake. You were trying to call your rep for the new company but you called me."
Tom: "Michael I didn't call you this morning."
Michael: "Yes you did. BY MISTAKE! I was confused. I didn't want to blow it. I thought it was a job interview or something so I played along then I hung up the phone."
Tom: "Oh, thanks Michael, wow I almost blew it there. I appreciate it. Glad you hung up that could've been a disaster."
Michael: " I did hang up but then you called me right back, and so I had to play along."
Tom: "?. I called you back?"
Michael: "Yes. You called me twice."
Tom: "Michael. Please tell me that was not you on the phone when I called a second time."
Michael: "It was. That was why I was sending the texts."
Tom: "OMG!"

Take care of your employees and they'll take care of you. No matter where they're working!

-M

Surf's Up Dude!

When you hear "sales gurus" telling you that you can make as much as you want in this business or not because "it all depends upon you", that's not total BS. It really is true, you can make a lot of money in sales but doesn't that saying apply to any job in life. It is what you make it, and if you let other people push you one way or another, then you're screwed. Life is hard and in sales you need to roll with the punches.

As a Sales Manager a few years back, I had a sales person who was absolutely fantastic! Personable, looked great, presented great, and really was able to bond with people in a short period of time. One of those guys who can seduce any woman in the room and get every guy to like him right off the bat. Just the type of guy you'd want on your team. Except there was one problem: he couldn't get his ass out of bed in the morning! He would have made a fortune in commissions if he could just get his lazy butt out of bed.

He had a habit of taking a month off at a time, til I wrote him up for poor performance or he needed money and then he would just go out in the field and kill it! And I mean kill it! There was no mercy, he needed money he went and got it. And it seemed like he always needed that push from me every other month to keep him going. Well after about a year of threatening his job, I got tired of it. But what was I supposed to do...he kept selling. So I decided I would ride with him everyday til he developed the habit of getting up early and getting out in the field. I felt if I could change his habits, I could change the behavior. Ha ha , great theory!

So for about 4 days, I rode with him and things were better. He didn't even need me, he was that good. I think he sold 4 accounts in 4 days. A great week, and I was very proud of his efforts. We were riding back to the office after a great sale on a Thursday afternoon when he suddenly started coughing. So I'm thinking here it comes, "someone's gonna be sick tomorrow." And he keeps coughing in the car and I'm trying to ignore it because I know what he's going to say, but he says it anyway.

"I think I'm coming down with something. I can't shake this cough."

"Shawn...it's July. No one gets a cold in July. And you've been fine all week."

" I know. I know. It's weird but I feel light headed, and I'm having trouble breathing."

" Really? Seriously? You're getting sick. All after such a great week. That's too bad. Well just one more day tomorrow."

" I don't know man. I may have to call in sick. This is pretty bad.", and he coughed really hard after he said "bad" just to emphasize how bad it was.

" You're out of sick days. I can't pay you if you don't come in tomorrow.
Just come in for the first 2 appointments and then you'll be done by 1."
He knew I was not going to let him off that easy. I couldn't. We were making progress.

"Okay, I think I can get through it. Just 2 appointments right?", he said and then coughed again, "It's gonna be tough. I'll take something for it tonight and drink tea."

"Okay great. Bright and early that way we're done early", I said and he nodded his head and then coughed again. What a performance!

We got back to the office and he left immediately. I woke up the next morning and I knew he was not going to show up. I got to the office at 7:30 am and of course there was a voicemail message left at 5 am with coughing and weasing sounds mixed into the message. Shawn was a real pro.

"Uh, I don't think I'm gonna make it today. Sorry man. Really, really sick."

I knew it was going to happen, so I didn't get upset. I went on the calls myself, and sold one account but blew it on another. As I was heading to lunch, I turned on the radio to KROQ in Los Angeles. They were live on location in Huntington Beach covering the OP Pro surfing contest and they were speaking to a bunch of surfers and fans. I heard a few interviews and listen to some music in between when all of the sudden I heard Shawn's voice. On the radio!

"Wooohooo dude! I am so stoked for this competition. Kelly Slater is gonna dominate today. The waves are awesome, my beer is awesome, and look at this weather. Where else would you wanna be."

The interviewer asked him, " what's your name and where are you from?"

The idiot actually blurted out his name, "Shawn Johnson from Hermosa Beach by way of Oceanside. Wooo wooo!"

"Shawn, shouldn't you be working today?", the interviewer said.

" No way bro. How could I work today, with all this going on!", he yelled out loud so the crowd could hear and then you heard a loud "Woo woo" from the crowd.

" I hope your boss isn't listening", the interviewer said.

" No way bro, he doesn't listen to KROQ. He's kind of an uber nerd, probably listening to NPR right now.", he blurted out and the interviewer laughed.

" Well Shawn, I hope for your sake he didn't hear that."

Unfortunately for Shawn I did. What kind of idiot says his name on the radio when he's supposed to be at work? The kind of idiot who has all the potential in the world to be the best sales rep ever, and pisses it away because he's lazy. There are two bits of advice you can take from this story.

Number One - Get your ass out of bed every morning because there's money out there to be made.

Number Two - If your going to call in sick, make sure you don't broadcast it on the radio!

-M

Dude! Turn Off Your Cell Phone!

How many times in a meeting, or a sales presentation, or just in a movie theatre, have you heard someone's cell phone ringing? My answer, "far too many times." And the worse part is when the idiots who have the cell phone actually answer the call! How rude or stupid can you be?

A few years back I was working as a Sales Manager on a very large account with an experienced but fairly incapable rep. Let's just call him Cell Phone Jimmy. We had worked our way up the food chain and finally got to the actual decision maker. It was a long and involved process that took almost 5 months. But now it was our time to try and close the account with this one particularly high level executive.

We went into our meeting very well prepared. We had done a lot of homework on the account and received a lot of feedback from mid-level managers and employees. As the call starts, the initial rapport building part is going well, we're chatting back and forth, he seems to like our company, we both went to similar schools, and all seems fine. As we delve deeper into his needs, I hear a cell phone ringing, muffled but ringing. My first response is, "Oh shit, did I leave my cell phone on?!", so I am speaking and reaching down in my pocket to check if it's me, but all the time I'm focusing my eyes on the prospect and what he's saying. The phone keeps ringing and ringing, and as I fish in pocket and pull my phone out, I casually look at my watch on my right wrist and then turn over the phone with my left hand to see if it's on. Very smooth and casual like I do this crap all the time! My phone however is not on, and then the ringing stops. Thank god. I look over at the rep and he is clueless so I figure let's keep going. By the way Cell Phone Jimmy always looked clueless.

We start speaking again and the executive is telling us what he wants from our company and I'm trying to align what we provide with his needs in my head when I hear the ringing again. I know it's not me so it must be him, but he acts as if he's annoyed so now I know it's not his phone that's ringing. I try to talk over the sound of the phone and remain focused on our prospect when the phone stops ringing and I hear a faint , "Hello?". I look over and my partner is actually answering his phone! I'm thinking you have to be kidding me, so I nod at our prospect and smile.

"Must be an important call.", I say to the exec, and he doesn't smile back and responds, "Uh...it had better be.", to which I laugh thinking he's joking but he's not of course.

"Uh honey, no I know, I know, but I'm right in the middle of a call. I'll call you back, I'll call you back.", says the rep in hushed tones as if trying to keep us from hearing him. Uh hello? There's only 3 people in this office and 2 of them are not speaking on the phone. I think we might be able to hear your voice dude.

"Sorry", Jimmy says and smiles, "Can we continue?"

"Sure", says the prospect but he's not smiling back, and I'm thinking, "We're screwed". So we continue the call and we're starting to feel comfortable once more with the prospect when Jim's cell phone starts ringing AGAIN. My partner tries to ignore it. "Great move, how about turning it off you idiot." is my initial thought. The phone keeps ringing which is making us all uncomfortable, and I keep looking at the prospect and wondering how much longer before he cuts the call short, and has security escort us out.

"Jimmy, why don't you turn it off?", I say to my partner.

His response, "Oh my wife would kill me. What if it's an emergency?"

"Everything with my wife is an emergency, but probably best to turn it off.", the prospect chimes in and then laughs. I laugh along with him, and then Jimmy chuckles and says, "Okay, I'll turn it off. Again sorry about that."

"We all know what it's like being married.", says the prospect and we all laugh. I'm thinking great, "We dodged a bullet there". So we start back in with the call and it seems the little phone mishap took the stiffness out of the conversation. We're joking around, talking about the customers needs, he's being much more open about everything and we are really making progress. This goes on for about 20 minutes,and I am just about to launch in to the presentation of our products when, that friggin phone starts ringing again. By this time our prospect is out of patience and completely pissed off.

"Thanks for your time guys. There's the door. We'll be in touch.", he says.

"But it's just a mistake. He just forgot to turn it off. Maybe we can reschedule?"

"He should've turned it off before he came through that door!", the exec said very loudly and very clearly. "Thank you gentlemen.", he said and pointed at the door.

"But we never go to present our products.", I said imploring a second chance.

"Have his wife call me and explain them.", was his response and I almost started to laugh.

We both walked outside, nodded to the assistant as we left the office, and when we got outside I was ready to strangle Cell Phone Jimmy.

"Jimmy, what the fuck were you thinking? Why did you not turn it off when he asked?"

"I was thinking who is it worse to piss off? Him or my wife? I gotta live with her not him"

He had a point, but I wasn't gonna let him off that easy, "Okay, okay, I get it. So what was so important that she had to keep calling you?"

"I have to make sure to bring home a chicken to cook for dinner tonight since it's my turn to cook."

"Jimmy, you mean to tell me we lost one of our biggest accounts because of a chicken?!"

"I guess you could say that?"

"Well cocka fuckin doodle doo! Good job Jimmy."

-SFTD