Why People Don't Like the Gym

For years I've been going to the gym, to relieve stress, and stay in shape. My family has a history of high blood pressure and to avoid the same physical issues, I try to work out at least every other day. However, I really don't like the whole gym experience. And after speaking to a bunch of friends and fellow sales reps, I now understand why P90X and other home workout DVDs are so popular. People don't really enjoy going to the gym. And here's a few reasons why:

1. The Smells - No matter what you do, the smell in a crowded gym can be utterly disgusting. Personally, I like the smell of stale sweat because it reminds me I am going to put in a good work out. However quite often it doesn't smell like stale sweat, it smells like stale vegetables, or in some gyms, I picture wheels of cheese sweating on treadmills. In addition, some of the worst aromas are those of the other patrons. Guys and girls wearing cologne or perfume to the gym? Really? This isn't a night club and it isn't the 1980's. I don't see Jamie Lee Curtis around trying to be "Perfect". Lose the cologne "Romeo".

And there's nothing like getting on a machine after a guy who hasn't bathed in a year uses it. It literally smells like an unchanged kitty litter box. (Why would I know what this smells like?) I literally have to disinfect the every part of it before I start my workout. Or sometimes I just don't use that machine at all.

One time, I started to get on a machine and it smelled like the person must've had an "accident", or farted after getting off the machine. "Thanks for the gift, fellow gym member" =)

2. The Muscle Heads - You see these guys at every gym, especially like a Golds Gym or private gym. And now they're even more popular because of shows like "The Jersey Shore". They're the meatheads who work out daily, drink protein shakes, and generally make a lot of noise while they're working out. They check themselves out in the mirror a lot, and always, always, always, drop the weight so every one can see how much they're lifting. They have loads of "bacne", their hair is blown out or their head is shaved, they have lots of bad tatoos (DC Logo on their arm), and sometimes they even have a little groupie girl with them who's just as "swoll", but she has more facial hair then any member of their clan.

One time at my gym I went to use a weight machine after one of these guys and he was grunting loudly because he was pushing a lot of weight. I didn't change the weight and did my reps quickly. After I got off he said, "Wow you press that much? We should work out sometime?"

I responded and loudly, "Sorry dude, I can't hear anything with these headphones on. Have a good workout."

I never want to be a contributing member of that club.

3. The Pick Up Guy - There are usually a few of these at every gym. And these dudes are the reason a lot of women hate going to the gym. For some reason no one ever gave these guys the memo that it's a gym not a bar. And since the women are sober there is no chance they even want to talk to you, let alone drop their digits in a your hand. But these men are persistent. I have two of these guys in my gym and one day I forgot my headphones so I was overheard one of these dudes making his "play" for a pretty girl while I was on the elliptical. The two of them were stretching in front of me in this open area near the machines.

Pick Up Guy - "Do you mind if I use that mat next to you?"
Pretty Girl - "No not at all"
Pick Up Guy - "I'm come here all the time. I never seen you here before?"
Pretty Girl - "Oh I just moved here from Texas."
Pick Up Guy - "Really? That's quite a move. Are you a model or an actress."
Pretty Girl - "Oh I just moved here to go to school."
Pick Up Guy - "Nice. It's just you're so beautiful I thought you had to be a model."
Pretty Girl - "Well thank you I'm not. But that's very nice of you to say."
Pick Up Guy - "Well I hope you like it here. I have once question to ask you, did it hurt. "
Pretty Girl - "Did what hurt? My workout?"
Pick Up Guy - "No. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven. Cause you look like an angel." (At this point I am laughing out loud)
Pretty Girl - "Hahaha. Uh yeah that's awkward...Uh I'm gonna go work out now."
Pick Up Guy - "Okay. See you around."

Now I know why women don't like the gym. All that testosterone floating around someone is bound to hit on you even if you're wearing headphones, an overcoat, and a ski mask. The Pick Up Guy will always find you and make his pass.

4. The Fit Cougar - These are usually recently divorced older ladies who probably met there ex-husband in a gym and are looking for fresh "meat". They are always wearing make up, not a lot, but enough to attract a Muscle Head, or the Pick Up Guy, to their watering hole. They are in really great shape, and generally are just there to meet their next date/victim. Sometimes this species even has a little playmate with them, a younger dude who is in good shape but probably social inept. He hooks up with Cougars because he can't get anyone else,and for a Cougar he's easy prey.

These ladies are single and ready to wrestle not mingle. And they are very protective of their territory. They hiss at the younger girls who get near their machines. And if you pass by them, they might just purr at you to attract your attention. I try to avoid them but the Pick Up Guy and Muscle Head love these ladies.

5. The Overly Enthusiastic Trainer - These people are in such good shape and so "pumped" it makes you ill. They push everyone really hard to be in the best shape of their lives and everybody in the gym has to hear it. The other day I was wearing my headphones and cranking a Nine Inch Nails song and I could still hear the trainer barking out the reps for a Fit Cougar. If I can hear someone over headphones that's just too loud. I wish these people would tone it down just a bit. They're training one person, or a class, not the whole gym.

This is all I have time for today. More in the next post. Have a good day selling!

-M