I'm certain that those of you who drive may have seen someone saluting you, like the young woman in the picture above, but my question is, "Did you deserve it?" And guess what, I know what your answer will be..."Hello no! That bitch cut me off!"
As more and more people are on the roads, there are a lot of lousy drivers, or should I define them as "shitty" drivers. Because when they're on the road, they scare the shit out of me. As a sales rep, I am on the road all the time, and I have listed here a profile of some of the scariest people you and I encounter during the course of our day. Whether it be commuting to and from your job, or driving from appointment to appointment.
Larry The Lane Changer - I'm sure that if you're driving on the freeway, the thruway, or even in any major city you encounter Larry all the time. He seems to be under the impression that he can save at least 30 seconds off his day if he just keeps changing lanes all the time. He never signals his change, but instead he comes darting over from like two lanes and without a signal. Larry changes lanes more than Lady Gaga changes outfits during a show.
In a study conducted by the University of Toronto changing lanes on the highway saves a person up to a total of 4 minutes for a 80 minute drive with little traffic, and for people driving on a congested street or freeway they found no discernible evidence that the driver saved time. In fact, most of them lost time by changing lanes frequently. However they did find that these people are more likely to cause an accident through improper lane changes.
Cell Phone Cecilia - What year is it? Oh right 2013. So why the hell are there still idiots driving with a cell phone at their ear? Cell Phone Cecilia, or Cedric, is still rampant even in states where it is illegal to drive while using a hand held cell phone. WTF people! With all new cars being equipped with blue tooth technology why the heck is anyone holding a cell phone while driving? I admit that I hate the sound quality of the blue tooth in my car while driving, but unless I'm driving a 1971 Gran Torino and Clint Eastwood is calling me, there is no need for me to ever put a cell phone to my ear while driving.
If you are out there Cecilia, and you don't have Bluetooth technology, then wrap a thick rubber band around your head with your cell phone attached and this will solve your problem. Feel free to follow the guidelines from this picture.
New Kids On Your Ass - I drive probably 2,500-5,000 miles per month and lately I've seen a lot of younger drivers tail gating. If you are younger and you don't know what that means, then you might have a problem. The recommended following distance for a vehicle traveling 55 mph is not two car lengths as we all seem to think. It's 243 feet! I too am guilty of following closer than 243 feet at times in heavy traffic because in Southern California it's all heavy traffic. However, I see people that look like they just got out of school who are riding the ass off some little old lady on the freeway, and scaring the crap out of her. And they aren't following 2 or 3 car lengths behind they are practically touching bumpers.
"Hey kiddies, we're not at Speed Zone anymore, a crash has consequences! So drop the Slurpee and back the fuck off."
If these tail gating youngsters took any Driver Ed courses they must have just had a driving instructor named "Ed", because they didn't receive any education. NASCAR's newest crop of drivers are coming to a roadway near you...BEWARE.
Texting Tony or Tina - Don't even try to kid yourself. Everyone out there is guilty at some point of texting while driving. Despite the fact that it's illegal in most states. I've done it and still do on occasion when at a stop sign or light when I know I'm in for a long wait. Why? I thought about this the other day, why do I need instant information, or why was it so important for me to respond? There is no reason other than it's become a habit. However, I was almost rear ended the other day, so even texting at intersections needs to stop. Personally I don't care if you text while stopped, it's the guy or girl who is holding up their cell phone and texting while on the freeway that are scary.
The other day while driving I saw a dude holding a cell phone in each hand, trying to text, with his hand on the wheel and he was driving a cab! Thankfully no one was in the back seat but how could he possibly focus on the road? What was so fucking important he had to text with TWO PHONES?! Was he lonely and texting himself? Maybe he invited himself out to dinner? I hope he wasn't using emoticons, because that's just sad...:(
Make Up Mary/Marty - Traveling on the 105 freeway a few months back a car came over two lanes of traffic and almost hit me in the far left hand lane. Fortunately I saw the erratic driving behavior and sped up to avoid a collision. The car settled in behind me, and I looked in the rear view, thinking what any normal driver would think:
"Who is the fucking asshole behind me who almost crashed in to me? I need to see this idiot."
It was a young lady looking in her rear view mirror and applying make up while she was driving. Apparently, our near death accident hadn't affected her driving habits one bit, because she continued to curl her eyelids, and apply lipstick rather liberally at 70 miles per hour. My first thought was,
"That red lipstick clashes with her complexion. Not a good choice.", and then my second thought was, "Is it that important that you look good if you're dead?" Apparently it was to her.
Now this is not reserved to women because I also say a young metro sexual man checking his eyebrows and applying lotion to his face while driving on the 101 freeway as well. We weren't traveling fast maybe 40-50 miles per hour, but his face was plastered to his mirror and he was checking himself out all while trying to drive. The only reason I noticed was because he drifted into someones lane and then honked at his car.
Vanity is a dangerous thing...
There are plenty of poor drivers out there on the road, so be afraid....be very afraid.
-M
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