20 Different Ways To Say "You're Fired"

Being fired is not pleasant, in fact it is completely demoralizing. I've been fired on 2 occasions and those experiences have been imbedded in my brain. However, managers in an effort to try and soften the blow have come up with so many different ways to say, "You're fired", that it's often times confusing to the employee. I'm certain they word it a certain way to make themselves feel better, but it's still the same...you're out of a job.

Here are 20 different ways to say "you're fired". Some are subtle and some are downright cruel:

We're Letting You Go - My personal favorite because where the hell is the employee going at this point? The answer is nowhere except to the unemployment line. "Hey boss you wanna come with me?" Unfortunately I'm not sure there's a better term to use, but if you're a manager and you're creative, you'll think of one.

We're Going To Allow You To Pursue Other Career Opportunities - When I heard someone got fired this way, I almost laughed. But that would have been rude to the person who just got fired, just like it's rude to try and "candy coat" the fact that you're out of a job. "Thanks boss for thinking of me! I'll be sure to send you a card from prison, because I'm going to have to rob a liquor store just to pay the rent."

We're Going To End Our Relationship At This Time - As a manager, I've used this one before and it's so vague. The employee thinks that you're breaking up with them. I used it once and never again, because it just confuses people. They're thinking, "I didn't know we had a relationship?" Plus they're expecting a farewell dinner, candy, or lunch as well.

We Think You'd Be Our Best Asset, If You Worked For Our Competition - Oh yes, this one is positively absurd, but one that a vindictive manager once said to his employee. When the employee questioned him, he added, "You're fired." This one isn't even mildly subtle. It's rude, and it could get you fired if you're a manager. Don't be mean even if the employee is an a**hole.

We Feel You'd Be A Better Fit At A Different Company - Another funny one because the employee is wondering, "Which Company? Do you have any recommendations? Am I being traded? Is this the NFL?" It's a weird way of saying "LEAVE NOW PLEASE".

We're Eliminating Your Position - Recently a friend went through this and it turned out to be a political move on the CEO's part. It wasn't that they were eliminating the position, they were just changing the title and eliminating her. Ouch! Personally, I hope she sues the company.

We're Downsizing - Unfortunately this happened a lot during the recent recession, and I feel sorry for all the people who were fired. In this instance it wasn't their fault, and maybe the executives who are doing the downsizing should consider a pay cut instead of having to cut the workforce...but that'll never happen.

Dude! You Suck At This Job! - You may laugh, but at my first job, that's exactly what my manager said to me. Now he was a kid and I was a kid, but he was still a manager. He was in the process of firing me, when his boss came in and they moved me to a different department where I did great. Lucky for him and me because later he worked for me.

We're Cutting Costs - I never understood this reason for firing people, because if you can't manage other costs besides labor, then maybe you shouldn't be a manager. Personally, a lot of people are unemployed because their company couldn't manager the other costs besides labor. If shareholders want to cut costs, they should cut executive pay, and make it more performance based. All bets are off here in a recession because a that point, everyone is suffering.

This Isn't Working Out - Again, this sounds like another dating break up. But this is one I've used many times because it's the truth, and at this point even the employee knows it's not working out. Don't belabor the fact, just cut right to the chase and let them know they've been terminated.

You Slept With Your Employee So...- I remember being in a room, when this went down one time and it was very awkward. Apparently, the manager was sleeping with his rep, and it was consensual but the other reps heard about it and BAM. He was fired.

We Feel You'd Be Happier Some Place Else - I always get a chuckle from this one. It sounds like the company just has your best interests at heart. They are looking out for your happiness. Heck, maybe they'll even have Deepak Chopra stop by your house...after you've signed all your termination papers. "Hey thanks guys for the encouragement!"

You Stole From Us So...- I can't remember how many times I had to terminate an employee over this issue. Seemingly great people, who some how thought they would never be caught stealing. I had one guy deny stealing and was screaming in the office, when we showed him a surveillance video, and then he was as quiet as a church mouse.

You're Just Not Catching On - I don't know if this one is confusing to you, but it is to me. "What am I not catching on to? Could you be more specific?" I have been in a room where someone said this and the person just looked befuddled. She asked, "Catching on? Catching on to what?" It's hard to word it differently but maybe you should just stick to the facts like, "You're not meeting the standards set for this position." There's a good chance the employee already knows that fact, so there will be no surprises.

We Feel This Job Isn't Right For You - I'm not so sure I would use this one if I ever had to terminate someone again, because it gives them the opportunity to ask, "Well which job here would be right for me?" It's better to be honest because if you did have a job that was right for them you would have offered it already. Correct? Just tell them that it's over.

We're Going To Part Ways - This makes it sound like you are two weary travelers on the road to Canterbury and you've come to a fork in the road, and you're letting them take the one less traveled by. Not cool, just tell them the position is not for them, and end it.

You Don't Fit Our Culture - I was surprised when I heard this one time from a VP at a very prominent company. I understand that culture is important, but you can't fire somebody just because they aren't a culture fit. What culture anyway? Are we Bushmen of The Kalahari Desert? It's best to stick with the facts and not insult the person, even if they aren't a culture fit.

We've Decided To Make A Change - I have heard this used A LOT. I still don't know what it means, and it's very non specific. I believe it's just a lead in to the actual termination, but if you hear this phrase from your boss, then you know what's coming next, and it's not good.

We're Restructuring Our Work Force - I was on the short end of this stick years ago, and it wasn't fun. I didn't understand what they meant by restructuring, but it meant getting rid of me. Which didn't make sense because as a rep, I was number 1 in the region for the last 3 months. I thought, "Couldn't we restructure the work force with me in it?" It turned out to be all about geography and coverage and so I was out.

Security! - If you've ever been in this situation, it is not pretty. Many employees don't like the fact they are being fired. Imagine that! They aren't happy when they've been terminated, and so the manager screams out "Security!", much like Bon Qui Qui from the famous MAD tv skit. As a manager, as an employee, don't ever let your working relationship get to this point, because it's not worth it.

Simply put, there really is no easy way to tell anyone "you're fired". As an employee who hears those words, the best thing for you to do is learn from the experience, TRY NOT TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY, and find a job that's right for you. As a manager, you should do every thing you can to avoid having to fire someone, but if you have to, make sure it's not a surprise to the employee, and they leave with their dignity in tact.

Here's to hoping you never have to hear, or say the words, "you're fired!"...unless you're Donald Trump.