Too Much Positive Thinking?

I was recently on a plane ride back from a business trip and I sat next to a fascinating woman, who was so ultra positive that it actually started to affect me.  I found myself smiling a lot and we had a great time talking about everything from business, to politics, to shoes.  She told me all about her life and how she had fought off a terrible illness as a child, she had started her own business, then overcome a tragic accident as well, and so she regarded every step forward as a bonus in her life.  It was truly an uplifting conversation and I felt glad she had shared her stories with me so that I could be inspired to do something great myself.  As I left the airport I thought to myself, "Damn she was such a positive person! It seems like  that positive thinking crap actually works!  Look at what a great life she's made for herself! It makes me want to go out and conquer the world!...Oh there's an In-N-Out burger hmmm."

Yet as I was in a cab riding home from the airport, I was still buzzing from our encounter. I thought about snippets of the conversation I'd had with her. During the four hour flight, we had talked nonstop, or maybe she had talked nonstop, but I'm sure I got a few words in there somewhere.  She was very health conscious, had been all over the world, and she had basically made little business clones of herself to become successful. She was very pretty, in great shape, flirty, and very charming.  She made it clear that she had achieved every goal in her life except the one she coveted most which was to have a family of her own.

Despite all her charm and positive energy, the one thing in particular that I had remembered from her hours of talking...she had never found a "someone" in which to share her success. I put that word, someone, in quotes because she was one of those people who spoke with her hands as well as her mouth and she made quotation marks with her hands.  She had told me about her numerous boyfriends, 3 fiancees and even one lesbian relationship...yes she was that open about her life. I thought it strange she never found someone to share her life with, but then I remembered a specific part of our conversation: 

"You seem so positive all the time.  How do you do that?  It must be exhausting!", I asked, and then I chuckled as if to make a joke.

"Not for me it isn't but for some of my boyfriends it's been trying at times."

"How do you mean?  They have trouble keeping up with you?"

"No. I just try to be positive all the time and I don't ever think about anything negative.  EVER. I can't afford to waste my time on negativity. "

"Ever?  Isn't that a bit crazy to think that way?  I mean there has to be times when you get down?"

"No I'm not saying I don't feel that way, but I NEVER admit to feeling that way.  I can't.  Otherwise I would never be successful in my life or in what I do. "

"Hmmm.  That's interesting."

"Oh, now you sound like my boyfriend.  Hmmm that's interesting? He's a bit of a pessimist, but he says he's more of a realist.  I think he can be too negative sometimes, but I just ignore him."

"Well I'm sure he loves that.", I said and almost rolled my eyes, but I caught myself.

"Who cares what he likes, it's what I like that matters.", she said and then she laughed as if she were making a joke.  But I wasn't so sure she was joking.   She continued, "If he can't be a positive influence in my life, then why should I be with him? And that goes for everyone, my friends, my family.  If they don't influence me in a positive way, I won't be around them."

" Well, that's your choice and his, to be who you want to be.  But even your family? Wow. But hey it's seems to be working for you.  I just think sometimes it's better to have a balanced perspective. "

" You're saying I don't have a balanced perspective? What does that mean?"

" I just think you can't think about things too positively or too negatively.  That you have to have some balance. It doesn't matter.  You seem to be doing very well, so stick with whatever you're doing."

" I will.  Don't start getting all negative on me.  That's the quickest way to piss me off."

" We have 3 more hours of flight time, so I will be sure not to piss you off.", I said and laughed.

She laughed along with me and we went on talking about different things, but as I mentioned she seemed like she had everything figured out, but she really didn't.  She was still alone and I wondered if it was because as she had said, "I don't ever think about anything negative.  EVER." For me, that would be a hard person to live with, especially if that person never admits to feeling negative.  It's too one sided, and not at all balanced.  In fact, if I was married to a person who could never admit to experiencing a negative feeling, and was positive ALL THE TIME, I would find that person completely annoying. In fact, I'm certain after a few years I would be planning to get a divorce or murder them, whichever was easier.   How can you not allow yourself to ever have a bad thought?  It's unnatural and unhealthy, in my opinion.

Believe it or not, I am an optimist.  Yes, I'm sarcastic as hell, but I do believe in true love, family, all that sentiment in "The Notebook", and other corny stuff.  Well maybe not all of "The Notebook", but I enjoy movies with happy endings, and I root for the good guy in all the movies I watch.  However, I do expect there to be times when I'm not so positive, and good things don't always happen.  Bad things happen to good people, but it's how you respond that will make an impact on your life and those around you.

Let me give you a business example of what I mean by being too positive.  Years ago and I mean decades, I was a young management trainee working on a project straight out of college. 

The project manager told us that "I don't want to know about the problems but only the successes we are having with this project.  Do not bring any negative energy into this or we will all fail.  I want to hear about the solutions not the problems."

Well our team, being fresh out of college, we all took that to heart, and so despite some insurmountable production issues we never said a word about the problems.  Halfway through project, the manager came into the office in the afternoon screaming, "I was just told by production that there is no way they can have this ready by the September deadline!  Why the hell didn't you guys say something?!

The senior member of the team, a ripe old 23 year old with pimples all over his face said, "You told us you didn't want to hear about the problems, only the solutions, and that negative energy would cause us to fail.  So we didn't say anything."

"I didn't mean it literally!"

I almost laughed when he said that but he brought it upon himself.  We missed the deadline, he got demoted and I left the company. Too much positive thinking, to the exclusion of all other thought, can lead to some pretty negative consequences.  As you work through your work day remember that a balanced perspective is always best, in business and in life.

Have a well balanced day!