8 Unique Ways To Say "I Quit"

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According to a Gallup poll of 1 million Americans, the number one reason people leave their job is  because of a poor relationship with their immediate supervisor.

I know that all of us working in and around the corporate world get frustrated with our boss at times, and we just want to say "screw this", and walk out the door. Or in today's world of telecommuting to walk out our front door and scream, "I quit!!!"  But that is soooooo booooring.  Don't you want to leave a dent in the universe or rather a dent in your boss's psyche?   I'm not talking about just burning bridges here, I'm asking you to blow the bridge to bits.   If you're so unhappy with your job and the company, and you know you're never going to ask for a reference or want to work with them again, then why not make your decision to leave more memorable? 

Yes, I know every human resource professional will advise you not to ruin your relationship for fear of reprisal. But wasn't it your boss who undermined the relationship in the first place?  Isn't it your company's fault for tolerating a lousy boss, and the onus is on them to make amends.  I would say that because of the horrible way you've been treated it is not only your right, but your duty to make your last day(s) memorable.  Remember, it's in your best interest to keep things interesting, but legal.  In any case, here are a few different ways to say "I quit", which will leave your boss scratching his or her head, and a permanent imprint on their brain.

"I've been hearing voices..." - Nothing scares people or bosses more than an employee who may or may not be crazy.  It's terrifying because your boss never really knows what you are capable of, especially nowadays.  I prefer to add this sentence as well, and be sure to whisper it as if the voices will hear you, "The voices are telling me to quit...and that you are a jerk."

"Here's my resignation, and check out my YouTube video about you...it went viral" - Quitting your job is one thing, but shaming your supervisor on YouTube seems to be pretty common place nowadays.  I'm not so sure you need to follow through with actually making a video, and in fact I would recommend against it, but it certainly will get your boss thinking about the crappy way he treated you all those years.  Just tell him if he wants to see it you'll email the link...

"I'm leaving this job to become an assassin" - You can have fun with this one by explaining how you have been a gun aficionado for years, and that you're finally fulfilling your dream of becoming an assassin.  Don't go into too much detail, but add that there are plenty of jobs for mercenaries. Too put the icing on this scary resignation cake,  you might want to add, "I'll be thinking of you as I work at my new job."

"Here's my resignation, and here's the letter I sent to our CEO." - If you're a good employee, a valuable employee, then a well crafted letter to the CEO will scare the crap out of your boss.  Why should you allow a bad boss to continue to work and ruin the life of your coworkers? It's important that you save them from the same horrible treatment you received.

I'm resigning to participate in a study on workplace harassment..." - Your boss will be shocked and surprised when you drop this little bomb on him/her.  Again, the whole idea is to not say too much, and if they schedule an exit interview just answer each question with, "I would like to tell you more but I don't have security clearance at this time."

"I wrote a sitcom about my job that was picked up.." - Nothing slaps somebody in the face like a person that has success in the entertainment industry.  People envision you'll be famous and wealthy, and your boss will certainly be jealous.  He may even ask if a character is based on him, but be sure to keep your answers vague. " I can't really say.  I know the boss is a real a-hole, but any similarity to actual persons is purely coincidental."

"I published my book about bad bosses..." - This may or may not be true, but what do you care?  You don't have to tell your boss anything when you quit your job, so why not let him think he's the subject of a book?  And even better, that he's the subject of a book about lousy bosses.  Be sure never to mention the title of the book, and that you published it under a pen name and not your real name.  It will drive him crazy!

"I'm going to work for the government..." - Again, you don't have to delve into too much detail about this career change, when handing in your resignation.   In fact, it's better to be mysterious about what department of the government you will be working in.  When your boss asks give him the standard answer, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.  Let's just keep this parting amicable."

Understand that your company and your boss cannot say anything about the manner in which you resigned or the reasons for your leaving.  It is against the law to share that information so everything you do is confidential.   They can only share the date you started and the date you left, and if they share more, you can take them to court.

So please, please, don't make a stupid YouTube video to chronicle your last days, because then your actions will be public and subject to scrutiny by everyone, including potential new employers or new customers if you are going rogue.  You may be an Internet superstar one minute and a lovable loser with no prospects for employment the next ten years. 

Please keep in mind that these are humorous suggestions on how to quit your job, but the onus is on you should you decide to try one of them. 

Goodbye and good luck...