I Have No Control Over Anything!

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Yesterday, I had a very close friend complain to me about her new job.  Her new job which was paying her a much higher salary than she made in her last job, that was giving her a sizable car allowance, and that was allowing her to take a week off with pay, just a month after starting.  I know what you're thinking and it's the same thing I was thinking, "WTF is your problem? Most people would kill for a job like that!" 

And yet, we often become so fat and happy with our lives that we expect too much. We complain too much.  We make ourselves feel like victims when in fact nothing could be further from the truth.  Where else but in America can you get paid a lot of money, receive allowance for your car, reimbursement for your phone, expenses for meals, expenses for trips, a week of vacation, and still feel like you have a right to complain.  Why? Because the cafeteria stopped serving filet mignon for lunch? Get a grip people!  There are plenty of qualified, educated people, living in 3rd world countries who would jump at the chance for your job.  Appreciate what you have please...before it's gone.

I was kind of irked by her sense of entitlement so I asked her, "What is your problem?  Didn't you want this job?  Isn't it a lot more money. "

"I did, but it's not always about the money. I wasn't expecting them to be putting so much on my shoulders so soon.  I barely know the products and they're asking me to educate customers. How can I teach someone about something I barely know myself."

"So tell them you're not ready."

"I can't do that.  I'm too new.  They'll fire me."

"What do you mean you can't do that?  Yes you can."

"No I can't.  They won't understand and they keep making these appointments for me, and I'm still in school for my MBA, and all this stuff is piling up on top of me.  I can't deal with all this pressure."

"Who's putting pressure on you?  Your boss."

" No.  Well a little, but he keeps making these appointments and I'm just not ready.  I feel like I have no control over my life now, whereas before I did.  I felt more in control."

" Can't you tell him to stop making appointments for you until you know the products inside and out? And then let you make the appointments yourself?"

" No.  He wouldn't understand.  Besides, I'm new and they can just fire me in the first 90 days anyway.  I don't want to get fired."

" Why would they fire you?  They just hired you.  They don't want to waste money on their investment.  They've invested in you, so they have confidence in you."

" But I'm drowning right now and I have no control over anything!  Not my life, not my job. It's like I'm sinking."

"So save yourself."

" That's easy for you to say.  You're not in my position.  Why do people always think they know what's best for me. You don't know anything, you're just a consultant.  That's what you do all day....consult.  I'm not one of your stupid customers, so stop consulting and just be my friend.  What should I do?"

" Wow! That was pretty harsh.  Well here's something else that's harsh and I'm gonna give you some tough love.  Stop saying you have no control when you do.  You can say "no' to all those appointments."

" No I can't."

" That's BS. You just did!  You have the ability to say 'no' but you just won't say 'no'.  Why?  Because you're afraid.  Well the worse decisions you can make are out of fear.  And if you never say 'no' you will never have control.  You want to take control of your job and your life.  Stop being a victim and learn to tell your boss 'no'.  Try not to let them dictate the course of your life all the time. Otherwise you're setting a precedent for the rest of your career." 

" How the heck and I'm going to tell him 'no' when I'm so new.  That's easier said then done."

" Explain exactly how you feel and don't literally say 'no' but tell him that you don't want to be at a disadvantage in the calls when you don't know all the products.  Ask him to help you along til you feel comfortable. He's got to invest some time in you, to make both of you successful."

" He'll think I'm being too needy.  He wants us to be autonomous and independent.  He used those two words exactly."

" Then tell him you want the same things because that's exactly what you DO want.  You want to be in control, but unless your trained until you feel comfortable then you'll never be autonomous.  You both want the same thing, you're just not there yet."

" That's true.  I do want him to let me just do my job?  And he wants the same thing it's just that I'm not ready yet.  Hmmm sometimes I think you actually do know what the hell you're talking about?"

I laughed, "You do have some control over your job and your life, you just don't know it. Stop being the victim and start being the victor."

"Do I have to pay you for that consult?"

"No just buy me lunch."  

"No!", she said loudly, forcefully, and then she smiled, "Just practicing."