Tonight was a complete failure. I was working with my wife to try and get her to go to bed early, because she had a big meeting early in the morning. I made her cookies...yes I made cookies, believe it or not. I also tried to get her to drink warm milk, and I even made her take a sleeping medication which helps her fall asleep. But it's now past midnight and she still hasn't fallen asleep. Why? She may hate me for writing this but it's because she's not focused on falling asleep, she's focused upon what will happen if she doesn't fall asleep. Big difference.
All the stress and anxiety she is feeling is because she is set on the wrong goal. Her goal is to avoid missing her meeting in the morning, which has negative connotations associated with it, rather than setting her sights on falling asleep early which will bring only positive things to her life. People will say "what's the difference? Both goals are the same...get to sleep early and make the meeting on time." But the routes to the end are vastly different in nature. This is why she can't sleep. She's focusing on the negative aspects of missing the meeting and what will happen if she over sleeps, as opposed to working on the positive aspects of falling asleep, making her meeting on time, well rested, and the good things that will come about as a result of her efforts. There is a major difference between the two perceived outcomes. The goal is the same but her mind is racing a million miles a second, thinking about all the consequences of her missing the meeting, that she can't relax and fall asleep. It's pretty sad.
When you have a big project or meeting do you focus on the negative aspects or the positive opportunities? I know this all sounds like power of positive thinking bullshit, but in practice the theory is not that crazy. What should motivate you is not fear, but rather the joy of knowing something good may happen.
When I was younger, my managers always preached "positive discontent". How stupid is that? That was our company philosophy and actually I still think it is part of my old employer's philosophy. I believe the idea was to push people to be more than average. To rise above everyone else and that is a good thing for sure. But is it good to always be discontented? I don't believe it's a healthy maxim. Why? Because then you'll never, ever, enjoy the fruits of your labor, and it will drive you crazy trying to seek perfection. I could never see the point in not being satisfied with your efforts. It's okay to be proud, just not too proud. And it's alright to be happy with your work. It might actually be a good thing...
Which brings us back to my question, what do you focus on in those key moments in your career? Success or failure? Your choice can make all the difference.
Have a good day!
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