Kill the Gatekeeper

As a salesperson you run into some of the most ignorant people on the planet. People that won't even take a meeting. My friends tell me, "Oh they just don't like salespeople. That's all. I don't like salespeople. I don't even know why I'm friends with you anyway."

Fair enough, so they don't like salespeople. What does that have to do with hearing a person out? All I want is to show them my product...am I that great of a salesperson that by some "magic" I will sell them something they don't want? Uh...no. No one is that good, and I repeat NO ONE. You can't sell what they don't want to buy, but on the other hand they can't buy something they've never seen or heard of, so this is a two way street. If you're not willing to see someone then you're just an idiot. That's like trying to by a car and going to just one dealer and looking at just one model. Is ignorance bliss? Or bullshit?

Last week, I was cold calling....yes cold calling; on a lead I received from a pretty reputable source. "Oh you need to go to this agency, they need you're products badly." , so my friend tells me. Meaning they're practicing medicine in the dark ages and get over there before they bleed another patient to death to remove the "bad spirits" from their bodies. I laughed as I headed into the agency and it seemed like it was pretty well kept. I was surprised because usually the appearance of a place can tell you how well they take care of their patients. Usually...but not in this case.

I walked in and introduce myself but did not mention I had been referred to them. I checked my reports and notice that they even had made a few purchases in the last month. So I anticipated this might be a "warm call". I was wrong.

"Hi I'm M. I represent _____________. You're a customer of ours and I was wondering if I could either speak to the Director of Nursing or maybe just get a card to make an appointment.", I handed the young man behind the desk my card.

He seemed terribly annoyed by the intrusion. "You can't see her without an appointment sorry. It's best to CALL ahead of time." And he stressed the word call.

"Is the Director of Nursing here today?", I asked, hoping that she might have a little break in her day to chat for a few minutes.

" Uh yeah. But like I said, it's best to CALL ahead of time for an appointment.", he said again and handed me back my card.

" Yeah I get that I need to CALL ahead of time but someone referred me this agency and advised that I speak directly to the nursing director. So can I get a card to make a phone call so I can make an appointment or is she available now. If she's available now that would be great"

Now he was really annoyed. I guess I had interrupted his "me time" with People Magazine or Facebook. He held out his hand. "Can I have your card back?" I handed him the card and he took it, stood up from behind the desk and walked towards an office with a large window.

Now this is the part that annoys me about being in sales. People always look at you from their offices like you're a rabid dog, or a criminal who's on the loose. Like meeting with you, might place them at risk for rabies or an abduction. It's funny but I don't understand why people aren't more considerate. It's strange, but then again, I hate when people knock on my door selling Christmas wreathes, so I guess it's understandable. I just don't like the way they look at you. So here I am standing in this lobby, being ogled by the Director of Nursing and the "GateKeeper", and I look away trying to be polite. I look at the coffee table full of "OK" magazines and wait for him to come back. It takes a few minutes, and I hear them talking, and finally he returns and hands me back my card.

"She said we don't need any at this time. Thank you.", he said with a forced smile.

I was in shock. I thought for sure she would at least give me her card.

"What? She said we don't need any at this time? I'm sorry what does that mean? I'm not selling cologne door to door or Disney knock off products. These are medical products. "

"I dunno what to tell you. She said she didn't need any. That's what she said.", and I think he snickered a bit.

"Well can I just call her to make an appointment since she doesn't even know what it is she doesn't need?"

"We don't give out that information. SORRY.", he said and then smiled. Not a pleasant or even a fake smile, but the smart ass smile that means "screw you". And at that moment, I knew that I was not gonna take any crap from this little prick.

"I'm sorry. If you don't hand out cards and don't give out information, how does someone CALL ahead to make an appointment to do business with the agency. I'm confused. Is it magic?"

"Yeah I'm not sure exactly. Maybe just leave me some information and I'll give it her and she'll give you a call."

"Oh no problem. Here is a clinical study of how our products improved outcomes in over 1100 patients, and here's my card. Explain to her that I was a referral from Dr. Mengele and he thinks we can help your patients.", now I was completely annoyed, and ready to burn this bridge.

"Okay, no need to get irritated. I'll give her the information. And which doctor recommended your company?", he said, visibly flustered by my attitude, and even more confused that I referred to a doctor.

"Dr. Josef Mengele. I'm not sure he's worked with this agency before. If you could please pass that message along. Thanks.", I said very distinctly and then walked out. As I stood in the hallway waiting for the elevator I said out loud:

"God I've always wanted to do that!"

I wasn't thinking of the repercussions, or the call my boss was about to get in the next couple of hours. I was just happy that I didn't take any shit from that little bastard. Ah....rude.

Have a great day out there!

-M

May I Taser You Please?!

Have you ever been in a conversation or presentation, and the person your directing all your energy towards is ignoring you?! As a rep, we can be spit on, yelled at, threatened physically, and even beaten, but WE DO NOT LIKE TO BE IGNORED. It's just rude! Hey we're people too.

Today, I was with a potential customer and he was too busy looking at his computer to answer any of my questions with enthusiasm. I think I was putting him to sleep, which normally is the affect I have on people. But this guy would stare at his computer the whole time, and he wasn't listening to a word I was saying. The needs analysis, rapport building, and Q&A went something like this:

Me: This is quite an amazing facility you have here. How long have you been working for ___________(insert company name here)?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh? How long have I what? (Typing away on his computer)

Me: How long have you worked here?

Sleeping Beauty: Oh, me? About ten years.

Me: Really? That's a long time. What drew you to this line of work? Was it something you always wanted to do?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh? Oh me. A friend brought me in one day and I liked it. What does this have to do with your products? (Still looking at his screen and typing)

Me: I'm just trying to get a sense of who you are and what you're looking for in a company, out products are really irrelevent. We want to establish a business partnership with you and _________.

Sleeping Beauty: What? Can you repeat what you just said? (Not even looking at me now)

Me: I said we'd like to establish a business partnership with your company first. We know our products work, but we want to work with you.

Sleeping Beauty: Oh yeah right, right. I got ya.

He was so engrossed in what he was doing, he was now leaning closer to his monitor and typing furiously. I knew that he was not listening to a word I was saying at this point.

Me: Do you mind if I tasered you now?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh. If you what now? (unaware of what I just said)

Me: Do you mind if I tapered this conversation. Maybe we can meet at a time that's more convenient for you.

Sleeping Beauty: Uh what? Why would you want to tape the conversation? That's strange. (Still not looking at me, but too busy updating his FaceBook profile).

Me: No I said tapered. In other words cut it short and rescheduled.

Sleeping Beauty: What? What? Why?

Me: To be honest, I think I'm boring you, and it would be better if I came back when you have more time.

Sleeping Beauty: What? Okay sure, sure. You're not boring me. Sorry I just have to get this done now and I don't have any time. I really was listening.

Me: Oh no. I completely understand, and thanks for your time. How bout we do this again next week on the same day in the morning. Like 9 am?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh? Yeah that works. Sorry again, but we'll get into it next time. (Shaking my hand but barely looking away from his computer monitor)

Me: Thanks.

I shook his hand and left, but I would like to have shaken his whole body! I hate when people meet with you but your eyes never meet. If they don't have time, I wish they'd just tell me. So if someone is ignoring you, just throw something out there. What do you have to lose? You don't even have their attention! Say something to make them sit up and listen....or taser them, whichever works.

Have a great day selling!

-M

Are you getting this?

When you're selling a product like cars, bikes, shoes, clothes, and hats, everyone has an idea of what your product is and what it does for them. A car gives them status, or gets them simply from one place to the other. Clothes can give them a good feeling about how they look, or clothes can be a status symbol too. These products and their benefits are easy to understand.

Medical products however is a whole different story. They're are times when I think I'm speaking Greek to these people. Even the doctors! (No wonder there are so many medical malpractice lawsuits).I was speaking to a group of nurses and one doctor today, and I was asking them basic questions about how to treat certain conditions. Then I asked them if they understood the basic cellular functions of a certain organ and they looked at me with blank stares.

You know the kind of stare you have when you're in a store trying to pick out something to drink and there's 200 different options on the shelf and that's just for energy drinks. So you kinda just stare at the overwhelming choices and think, "What happened to just Coke, 7-Up and Pepsi? And do I really need beer with caffeine in it. WTF?"

When I tossed out a couple of advance terms again they stared blankly: so finally I just said,

"Are any of you getting what I'm talking about? There's nothing wrong with that, but would you like me to go through the basic stuff first so it's easier to understand how the product works?" They looked around at each other, and finally the doctor said,

"Yes, yes why don't you go over it so you can refresh our memories. I understand it perfectly but not everyone does I'm sure"

He was so full of it. He looked as dumbfounded as the rest of them. Mind you ,this was a doctor that when using one of my products sewed it into the patient thinking it would work better that way, even though I had helped him place the product about 10 times or more.

"Certainly doctor. I'll give all of you some refreshers on the basics of this type of care. Then I'll explain just how our products work on the cellular level. "

So I guess the lesson here for me was that not everyone knows what you're talking about when you're selling certain products. And it doesn't hurt to go back and "refresh" their memories of the basics. In fact, it can erase any bad influences they've received from your competitors!

Be sure you know your audience and cater to their needs. Have a great day selling!

-M

Are you serious?

I've heard that women sales reps get accosted all the time by potential or existing customers, but I've never had this happened to me...until recently. I don't understand how women can deal with sleazy doctors, lawyers, customers, mechanics, or midget butchers hitting on them when they go into accounts. Until yesterday.

I was visiting an account for rounds with a nurse director and she and I were having a good time as usual. Her name was Emily and she was a very pretty woman, in her mid thirties, with a great sense of humor and very smart. We finished our rounds fairly early and then she pulled me into her office.

"I really like your product, but I'm more interested in you. What are you up to tonight?", she said politely as if we were just having a casual conversation.

" Uh, this is a little awkward, but I'm busy.", I wasn't but I lied.

" Listen. You and I have been rounding and flirting now for months. You find me attractive don't you?"

I did. I had to admit she was a very attractive older woman, and if I was still a horny young man, I would be totally excited she was asking me to go out on the town. But as an older man, I felt a little bit weird about the entire situation. I tried to deflect the question.

"Of course you're attractive, but what does that have to do with our business relationship."

" Well, if you find me attractive and I find you attractive who cares about the business relationship. We're just two people having a good time together. We should go out for drinks after work. C'mon it'll be fun! I'll pay that way you won't get in trouble."

What's odd is I could see her point. If we in fact were attracted to each other, I thought why not meet her for drinks, but then I realized this was just a recipe for a big bowl of Trouble Stew.

"I'm flattered, and you are very attractive, but I don't want to lose my job.", I answered and I was serious. This was definitely one of those situations that would put my job in jeopardy.

" What? You think I don't know that. But who's gonna know? I'm not going to tell anyone. Are you?", she said and started moving towards me with the look a fat kid gives to a candy bar. I backed up instinctively.

" It's not that. Someone could see us out together and automatically assume the wrong thing.", I said and kept backing towards the door.

" If you ask me, they can assume all they want, but it's not the wrong thing. It's definitely the right thing!", she said with enthusiasm and I could sense that her hunger for "candy", meaning me, was not going to be satisfied til she had me.

" Uh, this is getting weird. I thought you were buying our stuff because it works. Not because of me."

" You're product works great but I just like seeing your ass everyday. I love those pants.", she said and smacked me on the butt. I jumped like a frightened cat. She smiled.

" Emily, I don't think this is gonna work. I like you and all but I can not only lose my job but ruin my career. I should go." I said and I reached for the door but she leaped in front of me.

" Oh no you don't. You're not leaving just yet. I wanna show you something.", and with that she promptly removed her top. She was wearing a pretty black bra underneath. I backed away from the door to give her room to do whatever else she was planning to do.

"What do you think?", she said looking down at her breasts.

" That bra is really pretty.", I answered, by this time I'm sure my face was flushed red.

" Not the bra you idiot. These!", she said and cupped her breasts, "They're nice huh? Not bad for a 30 something woman. Of course their fake but they're great!"

I had to admit they were spectacular, and it was obvious she was in great shape. So here I had a beautiful woman in only her scrub bottoms and a bra, standing in front of me, wanting me to accost her. Believe it or not, I didn't know what to say. Part of me was rising to the occassion while the other part of me was trying to resist. I had to think of something fast.

"I can see that part of you likes it." , she said and looked at my pants, "Wow. That's impressive."

My body was obviously not listening to my head in this situation. I laughed a little bit, trying to buy some time and amuse her.

"Ah that happens all the time. Especially this time of day.", I said and laughed again.

"Really?", she said and moved towards me, "And I thought it was all because of me.". She moved slowly with a sheepish grin on her face and her eyes were locked with mine. She was moving in for the kill and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to resist. It had been months since my last relationship and I hadn't been with a woman for quite a while. And now here was a lovely woman in front of me, wearing a bra, and ready to pounce. My resistance was starting to wain. Her perfume, her bra and her beauty were starting to get the best of me, and as she moved closer to kiss me only one thought went through my head. "You're fired!" I heard my boss say this loudly and I snapped back to reality. I slid under her and moved away.

"Playing hard to get huh? I like that she said with a smile." and she moved towards me again.

I had to think of something, anything to get out of the situation. And then suddenly it came to me in an instant. As she was moving in again, with my resistance down, and my desires up, and just as she was about to kiss me, I blurted it out.

"Emily, I'm gay.", I lied.

Her head snapped back and she looked at me, "What?!"

" I'm gay. That's why I can't go out with you. I didn't want to say anything. It's kind of embarrassing for me.", I said and looked down at the ground.

She looked down at my pants, "Uh...that is not how a gay man reacts to a woman."

" I was looking at the picture behind you.", I said. Her head turned and a semi-erotic photo of a nude man was hanging on the wall behind her. She turned back and looked at me. I looked down at the ground again.

"That's a Robert Mapplethorpe photo isn't it?"

" Oh my god you are gay!", she nearly shouted. "Now it all makes sense. No wonder I like you so much. I'm kind of a fag hag.", she said and began laughing. I laughed awkwardly with her and as I did, the sexual pressure and tension were now gone from the conversation.

" You're a fag hag?", I said acting surprised because I was surprised.

" Oh yeah. For years now. And I've always liked gay guys. Oh this completely makes sense. ", she said and she started looking for her top.

" You're not upset?", I asked finding her top and handing it to her.

" Upset? No not at all. This happens to me all the time. I'm always falling for gay guys.

At that time, I began to question my own masculinity. Did I dress gay? Did I carry myself like a gay guy? Was I too metrosexual? All these questions popped into my head. But I stayed the course .

"Oh well that's a relief. I'm glad you're not upset."

" Not in the least. In fact I'm flattered that you at least seemed aroused."

" You won't tell anyone will you? People are weird about that stuff", I said.

" Nah, your secret's safe with me."

" And what about my business? Is my business safe with you?"

" Oh yeah that's safe too. Don't worry at least now I have someone to go shopping with me. ", she said with a smile and started laughing.

" I can do that.", I said with a smile of relief. Now I just need to figure out how to dress more fashionably.

-M

Is This Too Revealing?

I was out last week in a hospital and talking to a few nurses when this tall buxom woman comes walking on to the floor and almost everyone's head turns. She was absolutely beautiful: long hair, pretty face, and a flawless body. Which to her credit, she had worked hard to maintain and didn't mind showing off to the doctors.

However, the dress she had on was so tight, and so revealing that it was almost as if she had nothing on. First of all, it was low,low,low,low, cut in the front. Did I mention it was cut low?

And secondly it was so tight that every curve was accentuated and every line revealed. It was so snug, one of the nurses said, "She can't be wearing panties with that. It's way too tight, you would see the panty lines." Too which she added, "I bet you'd like to find out wouldn't you?"

I said nothing, because my mouth was still open, and then as I listened to what she had said, I just chuckled and asked, "Who is that anyway?"

"That's your competition.", the charge nurse said and then laughed.

"Really? I'm in trouble.", I responded and then gulped for air.

"No you're not. We make most of the decisions on this floor and we've decided we don't want to work with a rep who dresses like a whore. All the guy docs like her but we don't. I wouldn't worry about it."

" The docs like her. That could be trouble?", I was trying to keep from staring at the young woman who was just across the station and talking to a resident doctor.

" They like her, but they don't respect her. She's an idiot. They bring her in just to ogle at her."

" Really? That's kinda sad."

" For her not for you. Quit whining.", another nurse said and then added, "Don't even think about dressing like that."

" I would never do that. First of all I'm a man, and secondly, I don't like that dress."

-M

Smile for God's Sake!

I was interviewing for a job one time and it was nerve racking because the interviews were all in this open hotel lobby, so you could see all the other candidates being interviewed. It wasn't intimidating but it was kind of voyeuristic seeing other people in the process of going through what you were about to do.

I was watching the guy before me interview and I noticed he had a very loud voice and a good presence. He sat up straight, was well spoken(you could hear him through the whole lobby area), and he was well dressed. He had one fatal flaw though. He never smiled. Not once! Not when he was telling a story, not when he talked about his family. Like I said you could hear everything in this lobby. Not one time did he crack a smile.

I thought to myself, "I wouldn't hire this guy. He's way too serious about himself, about life, and customers don't respond well to that type of behavior. They're intimidated. As the interview ended he finally smiled as he shook the interviewer's hand. Too little, too late. I knew he wouldn't get the job because when I came over to the table, the interviewer said, "Man that guy was intense!" I smiled and laughed and she did the same.

Have you ever had someone smile at you and you feel the need to return the favor and smile back? It's call the Law of Psychological Reciprocity, which means essentially people tend to give back the feelings you convey. So if you don't smile, they don't smile, and if you're mean then they're mean right back at you. If I'm having a particular bad day, or dealing with some unruly customers, I find myself smiling a lot to overcome the negative feelings. It makes me feel better and keeps me upbeat, so I have a better day. Try flashing those teeth every now and then, especially when you need someone to return the favor. It works!

-M

Dear Sales Diary - Is that a purse?

As usual today was one of those days where the contact didn't know me in an account, and so I had to introduce myself. It's always difficult getting people to like you immediately, but I've always found humor to be a good ice breaker. It seems to put people at ease if you can make fun of yourself. Even in very stressful situations.

So today, I met with a Nursing Director who was instantly as cold as ice when she shook my hand. In fact, her hand was freezing and I swear I saw ice forming on her hair and over her shoulders. Her blood must have been made of liquid nitrogen, because as she said "hello", I thought I saw the letters of the word billowing out from her lips in icy pillows the way dry ice "smokes".So in order to deflect the Ice Princess, I had to change the call quickly. I looked around for something to comment on, and saw a whole line of weird little purses positioned on her window sill.

"Okay mister....uh whatever. I don't have a lot of time. So what company do you work for again?", she said.

" Does it matter?", I answered and she looked shock.

" The more important question is this. Are those really purses up there on your window sill?"

She looked at me and I smiled and then she began laughing hysterically.

"Those are the weirdest looking purses I've ever seen.", I said, and she continued to laugh.

" Those are ceramic vases made into the shape of a purse. My daughter's an artist. I can't believe you thought they were real. That's great. What did you say your name was again and how can I help you?"

Game over. One little endearing joke and the Ice Princess warmed up. And I was sincere too. I didn't know what the hell those things were and it would've bugged me through the whole call. Glad I asked. Make sure to keep people at ease and keep'em laughing.

-M