Where Do I Park?

Nothing to me is worse than getting a parking ticket.  NOTHING! To me it's like throwing money away, and despite my efforts to avoid getting a ticket, it sometimes happen in this crazy town known as Los Angeles where the parking restrictions change by the minute.  I'm not kidding, BY THE MINUTE.  I was reminded of this  because I woke up this morning and my new neighbor had a ticket on her car, and she was not happy.

As I found out myself when I moved in to my new place, it turns out you can park in certain spots everyday of the week, except 2 am to 3 am on Wednesday mornings.  Why?  Who the hell knows!  Nothing about street sweeping, squirrel crossings, or grunion runs. No words on the signs indicated why it was illegal to park in this area at that particular hour.  What made it even more painful for me, was the fact that I had just purchased a parking permit because when I initially moved into my new place, I received 2 tickets the very first night!

The tickets should have just read, "Greetings from the City of Angels.  We are aware you just moved here and cannot purchase a permit since it is the weekend.  As a result,  we are going to make your move even more unpleasant, and give you 2 complimentary tickets for overnight parking.  Enjoy your weekend asshole. Hahahaha!"

When I came out my front door, with my dog, my neighbor was looking at the ticket and she seemed really pissed off.
"I have a parking permit.  Why did I get a ticket?", she asked me.

"That is kind of weird.  Where were you parked?", I asked her as I was holding my dog by its leash.
"Across the street.  Why?"

"Where across the street?  Were you in front of the City Park or to the side of the Park?"
" What does that have to do with anything?", she looked confused.
" If you park to the one side on Wednesday mornings they give you a ticket... for overnight parking."

" What?  That's why I bought the fucking permit so I wouldn't get another ticket. I got three already."

" The same thing happened to me when I first moved in.  Apparently you can't park in 6 spaces to the left of the City Park on Wednesday mornings from 2 am to 3 am. Even with a permit."

"What? Why?"

" Good question.  I never asked why. I think it has something to do with city maintenance workers or something. They park their vehicles there for training or something."

" So just those six spots?  That's it.  And only on Wednesdays."

" No. You also can't park there on Sunday nights from 2 am to 6 am even with a permit, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am to 6 pm."

" What?  When can you actual park on the street?"

" Oh wait and Monday mornings from 8 am to 11:30 am you can't park in that area either."

" Are you joking?  Seriously?"

" I'm not joking.  Look at all the signs.", I said and pointed at the area she had parked in.  There were 6 parking signs in an area designated for about ten parking spots in front of the City Park.

" I'll just park the car in my garage."

" You can't do that either.  There's a city ordinance against parking in your garage without a permit."

" Bullshit!"

" You're right I'm joking there isn't a city ordinance, but good luck getting into that little garage."

" Wow.  Are you the neighborhood Debbie Downer? Jesus you'd think we live in San Francisco or New York City."

I laughed, "Nope, but I went through the same shit when I moved in.  You'll figure it out after a while and to be honest the only problem parking is on Sunday nights when all of the rules are in effect.  Finding a spot then is a bitch."

" Well thanks for enlightening me.  But I still have one serious problem with parking here."

" What's that?", I said and now I was confused.

" There's a boot on my car now.", she said and she motioned for me to come to the other side of the car, and sure enough there was a yellow boot on front tire on the driver's side. 

" Damn! I'm so sorry.",

" Fuck my life. ", she said.

" Welcome to the neighborhood.", I said and smiled.  Then my dog peed on her shoe.

" Perfect.", she said and we both just laughed.

Be careful where you park and be aware of all the posted signs, because there's nothing worse than getting a parking ticket.  Except maybe getting a parking ticket, a boot on your car, and pee on your shoes.  Have a great day!

-M