Grumpy Gus

After being in sales for many years, I've learned to love and hate my customers. Yes HATE them.  I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it's true.  So many sales "gurus" preach that you should love your customers at all times, but let's be honest, do you always love your wife, husband, or child.  NO! There are times when you want to grab your kids and just yell "Shut Up!"  Or you don't even want to look at your hubby let alone talk to them because you're mad at them.  So why would you not hate a person you don't even know as well as your family.  Your customer can be just as deserving of hatred as any other person in your life.  Some customers you either love or hate, depending upon the day and the circumstances.

 Remember there's a thing line between love and hate.

Last week, I was visiting one of my oldest customers and introducing a new product.  Now when I say old, I mean it.  This person must have trained with Florence Nightingale that's how old he is, and what's worse is he's a grumpy bastard.

"So Dr. G we have this new product that will help you heal patients quicker and reduce their amount of time in the hospital.  Do you want to hear about it?"
"Not especially.  Why would I want my patients to heal quicker?"
"So you can reduce the cost to the hospital?"
"Why should I care about hospital costs?"
"Because you're the medical director for the hospital's MCO?"
"Not by choice. Why do you keep answering my questions with a question?"
"Because I'm wondering when you're going to blow up and get pissed at me."
"Too late for that, I'm always pissed at you."
" So do you want to me to cover what the product does, or would you like me to just shut up."
" Do you really want me to answer that question? "
" Yes I do."
" I would prefer you leave the product with me and just shut up."
" That's what I thought you would say.  Here's a sample I need you to sign for, and here's some clinical studies for you to review.  I'll be back in a week and you know what I'll be asking."
" Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get out of here and I'll see you in a week."

Nearly all my interactions were like this with Dr. G.  But I think he was just a "Grumpy Gus".  One of those people where no matter how successful they are, or what they really have to look forward to, they are just miserable bastards.  It seems that even though they have this great life they can't enjoy anything.  I told my friends that if I ever get that bad, just kill me because I'm not really living anyway. Here's how you know when you're dealing with a Grumpy Gus.

1. You tell them their office pool has won the lottery and their response is, "It's about time.  I must have spent more than $10,000 on tickets. How many ways am I splitting it with you bastards?"
2. You offer them lunch and their response is, "Thanks but nothing cheap. No Subway or Jersey Mikes. Take me some place nice like Olive Garden."
3. For Christmas you bring them a bag full of goodies and they chime in, "I never eat this shit.  Where the hell is my gift card?"
4. They get a promotion, a new car, and a raise, and they respond with, "Took them long enough.  I've been working my ass off for this company.  And now I have to drive a Malibu!  Cheap asses!"
5. They have a beautiful wife or husband, and they make the comment, "Yeah I don't know how long it's gonna last.  Beauty is only skin deep and he/she has issues."
6. The sports team they support wins a game in overtime, and they add, "That game shouldn't have even gone to overtime.  We suck. Now we're just 4 games ahead of the second place team."
7. They get a free meal when they find a small plastic fork in their restaurant food and they make a comment to the manager like, "Good thing you gave me that free cause I was going to sue this place.  Hell I may still sue this place."
8. After the birth of their second child they make the remark, "Great!  Another alien mouth to feed."
9. When they have a tumor tested and the tests turn up benign, they ask the doctor, "Are you sure?  I could have swore it feels malignant."
10. They are not a glass half full or a glass half empty type of person.  With them, there is no glass! They'd rather have a pitcher.

If you're dealing with a Grumpy Gus don't try to point out how great life is, but they just can't see it.  Make sure when you deal with them, you're just as miserable as they are, and if do this, they will actually listen to what you have to say!  Misery loves company.

Have a great day selling!