"I'm Gonna Put You On Speaker"...NO!!!!

I had a customer call me yesterday and leave a voicemail she was having issues with a few orders and for me to call back right away.  When I did, she picked up the phone immediately and said:

"Hold on M, I'm gonna put you on the speaker phone. Is that okay?"
"That depends.  Why are you putting me on speaker phone?"
" Because I'm in my office, and I wanna have my hands free."
" You can put me on speaker phone, but will it be alright if I don't speak after that?"
She laughed awkwardly, "I guess you don't like the speaker phone."
" Honestly, no I don't.  I always feel like there's someone else listening.  Why don't I just stop by today and we can chat in person."
" Really?  You don't need to do that, but if you could that would be great."
" What time is convenient for you?  I'll rearrange my schedule."
" How bout 3?  Does that work?  It's just a few orders, but if you can come by, that would be great?"
" I will be there at 3."
" Thanks.  I should ask you to be on speaker phone more often.", she said and laughed, and I laughed with her, but I did not appreciate the joke.

    However, she got the message.  I hate the speaker phone. HATE IT.  Why?  Well I can go on a month long diatribe about why I hate it, but here are a number of reasons why I loathe using the speaker option on my phone or being placed on speaker during a call, and why you should try to avoid this scenario if at all possible.

• It's Rude - Nothing says," you are not that important to me that I need to devote all my attention to our conversation so I'm going to work on my computer while I speak to you" like a speaker phone call.  "Hey sorry if it seems like I'm distracted during the call, but it's because I am and you're not worth my full attention.  Thanks for calling though."  Is the message you or your customer are sending when the speaker phone option is used.  It is so rude.
• It's A Trap - Whenever a prospect or customer asks to place you on speaker, my first instinct is to ask, "Who else is in the room?".  Because invariably, they asked this question for a reason, and the number one reason is because they want someone else to witness or authenticate the phone conversation.  And why?  Cause you're in trouble, that's why.  Make sure that if they say "The CEO is here too.", you drop that damn phone and get your ass in gear. 
• Life Is Not a Reality Show - Unless you are on "The Real Housewives Of Orange County" or "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", there is really no reason to use the speaker option on your phone.  Except maybe conference calls because it's very, very important you don't miss a moment of those riveting conversations.   However if you're not on a reality show and they don't need to film your conversations, use the phone like a normal person.
• Cell Phones Do Not Cause Cancer - I like when people try to tell me that cell phones can increase your risk of getting a brain tumor.  Really?  I haven't seen a shred of scientific evidence to support this ludicrous theory, but people believe this paranoid bullshit. The RF waves in a cell phone cannot heat up the body tissue enough to start a cyclical event which will lead to a tumor, so stop using this excuse, and if you want to avoid cancer stay out of the sun you idiot. 
• Speaker Phones Problems - How many times have you been on a call and the person is speaking and you try to interject but they can't hear you?  Or your phone cuts out and you can't hear them?  These are issues that can be avoided if you don't use the speaker phone option.  Apparently these problems are a big issue right now with the iPhone 5.  Would you like to lose a prospect because you dropped a call?  I wouldn't.  

Avoid the noise and just speak into your phone like a regular person, and if someone asks to put you on speaker, try to politely back out of that conversation.  Besides, isn't being in front of your prospect/customer the best option anyway?  

Have a great day selling!

-M