The One Thing Your Boss Doesn't Want To Hear...

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You've got a lousy boss? So what!  Join the club.  There are millions of people in this world and many of them work for a terrible boss.  At one point in your career you will work for an a__hole.  You may even be the a__hole, but you don't know it...yet.  Even though your boss may be a jerk, there is probably two words he or she never wants to hear from you, "I QUIT".

Managers, especially incompetent managers, rely on good employees to get things done.  In fact, they depend on their employees so much that their career would be over if everyone left to pursue a different career path.  The cost of hiring, training, and then having to "reprogram" a new employee is painful to them.  But you can't let them control your life! 

If you're a tortured employee, and I do mean tortured.  Awful managers do not realize the psychological effects of their mismanagement on employees.  I had one fellow employee tell me she would rather kill herself then go back to work, after her boss embarrassed her in the middle of a staff meeting.  It may sound extreme, but these things can and do happen DAILY.

So what do you do if you're tortured?  Simple.  You polish up your resume. You make up excuses to leave work, like doctors appointments, family issues, and you go to interviews.  Lots of interviews and you learn that the grass can be greener, especially when your boss isn't crapping on it.  And once you've found a suitable new job, with a great new boss, you can come in and tell your current boss the two words they don't want to hear. "I QUIT!".  But if you don't feel comfortable saying those words, or you're worried about burning bridges, you can say the same thing in a few different ways:

• Say "I Quit" In A Different Language - Chances are your manager is already an idiot so he or she won't understand what you're saying anyway.  Subsequently you should say it in a different language. Or maybe even say it in French/German/Mandarin, and use sign language as well. It might be embarrassing for them, but it will be totally amusing to you!
• Say, "I'm Participating In A Study on Workplace Harassment" - What I wouldn't give to see the look on your boss's face, when you say you're leaving for a paid position and that you are going to be studied for 6-12 months for psychological trauma.  When he/she asks, "You're not going to sue us are you."  Just respond, "What's the frequency Kenneth?"
• Say, "I Have Been Recruited By the Government" - Then say nothing until her or she speaks, because you know they are going to have lots of questions.  And your response for each question would be..."Sorry that's classified information.  And if you share this with anyone I can't be sure what will happen to you."
• Say, "I'm Going To Be A Winemaker" - Since this seems to be the thing everyone does when they decide to leave the corporate world.  It will seem a natural transition, especially if you live in California.  Then tell him that you were so impressed working with him that you're going to name your first one after him... "Muet Merlot". They'll never figure it out.
• Say, "I Created A Sitcom Based On My Experiences Here" - This again works if you live in California, but they film sitcoms almost anywhere nowadays.  Thank her for giving you the inspiration to document everything, and that her management style was what gave you the impetus to create.  Then say nothing the rest of the interview except, "Sinbad will be starring in it and Rosie O'Donnell. I like Sinbad."  For every follow up question your response should be with the question, "Do you like Sinbad?"

For all you tortured souls out there, you see there is some hope. 

Have a great day!