"You're Scaring Me"

I was just reminded of this story the other day by a colleague and we were discussing psychotic sales reps. You know, the kind of person that someone recommended to work in sales because they're a "people person". What the hell does that mean anyway? Aren't we all "people persons" since we deal with people all day, everyday. Strippers are probably the best "people persons" I know, cause they deal with drooling men on a daily basis and they allow access to various parts of their bodies as well. They foster the most intimate relationships on the planet, so wouldn't they make great sales reps? Hell no.

Just because you can relate to people and understand what they're trying to say, doesn't make you a good sales rep. It makes you a good listener. Bartenders are good listeners, teachers are good listeners, therapists are good listeners. But this doesn't mean they're qualified to work in sales. You have to have a few more than just good presentation and good listening skills to work in sales. First of all, you have to have a little common sense.

For example, I worked as a sales manager for years. And I had my fair share of good and bad reps, but I also had some weird ones as well. And yes, sometimes I hired them, and sometimes I didn't, but believe me there are a lot of strange people out there who call themselves sales reps. And one of the strangest was this woman I didn't hire, but met at a regional sales training conference one year. Her name was Nancy.

Nancy was in her 2nd year of sales with this company I had just been hired to manage. How she got through the first year I'll never know. Probably, because she was attractive, and they saw potential in her looks, but not her abilities. Remember, you can be the most beautiful woman in the world, but that doesn't mean you can sell anything. Believe it or not, there is some skill involved in the sales process, and Nancy was lacking in this department. Namely, she was timid, and didn't speak well. She was former elementary school teacher who her friends encouraged her to try sales because she was a "people person". So here was Nancy in her second year, and this was one of my first regional meetings with this new company. I was new to the company but they felt compelled to have me run the meeting. Probably because they wanted me to impress them, and partially because they were too lazy to organize it themselves. So to start the meeting I asked all of the representatives to tailor a presentation that showed both their personal and professional goals and I asked them to tie the two goals together. Because for me, it was important that my team see their professional goals as a means of achieving there personal goals as well. They had a week to prepare their presentations and I thought this would be both informative and fun.

So, I started the meeting, and I wanted to have each sales rep, guide us through a 10-15 minute presentation on how they would achieve their goals, both professionally and personally. We had 30 reps in the region so this would fill the 1st day of a 3 day seminar. It would take all day for everyone to present, so I just sat back with the other managers and we evaluated our sales force. Some of the presentations were very good, with PowerPoint slides and handouts, while others clearly lacked creativity or were just poorly presented. However Nancy's presentation was not lacking in creativity. In fact, it was incredibly creative, so much so , that it scared me.

For her afternoon presentation, Nancy brought in a number of visual aids, or presentation tools. A few of them, I was unfamiliar with and had never seen used in the field. I was expecting her to use her credibility binder, but instead she brought a blanket, family photos, and candles. I understood the need for family photos, obviously she was tying in her personal goals and her family was important. Why she had candles and a blanket I didn't know, but she soon made all of us aware of her intentions.

She went to the center of the room, moved some chairs, and asked for help in laying down her blanket. A few of the other reps helped her spread out this enormous blanket in the center of our conference room. On the blanket she placed framed photos of her loved ones along with the candles, which she laid out in circular fashion. When she was finished she asked, "Can someone turn down the lights or turn them off please?" Anxious to see what she was going to do next, one of the other managers, ran to the light switch and dimmed the overhead lights. As he did so, the crowd fell hush. She had everyone's attention in the room.

One by one, she lit the candles, until she had surrounded herself in light and she lay on the blanket. I presumed she had learned this technique of presentation in her coven, and she thought the effect would transfer well to the corporate world. There were so many lit candles I was concerned for two reasons. Reason number one, is the fire alarm was going to go off because she has lit more candles than you'd find on an elderly persons birthday cake. Reason number two, is she going to be burned alive while she is presenting. As I was mulling over both potential catastrophies, Nancy picked up one of the pictures and said,

"I know that I am a good person. I know that you are all good people. So why do we have to label ourselves with a number? Is a sales number that important that we lose sight of the fact that we are here to support our children?", and as she said this she held up a picture of one of her kids.

"I love my kids and I will do anything to support them, and I will try hard to hit my quota. But if I don't hit my quota does this make me a bad person? No! I am a good person whether I hit my number or not. So don't judge me on what I do but, rather who I am." She held her arms straight out holding the picture frame as if she were trying to give it to someone, anyone, everyone, in the room.

"This is my son Conner. He's 6 and I'm here to support him and his sister." She then picked up another photo frame and held it out with a picture of a little girl, "This is Christie and I am here working and supporting her too. She doesn't care about a number, and neither does Conner so why should any of you? "

"I will work hard and try to reach my goal, but deep down, I know that even if I'm not successful, I still have my family to love and help me be a better person. " She said this and then walked out of the circle and over to a small "boom box", she had positioned on a table. She pressed a button and the song, "It's a Beautiful Day" started playing rather loudly in the conference room, and as the lyrics started, I noticed that Nancy was singing along with the song!

We were all enthralled.

"It's a beautiful day! Hope I'm not a hopeless case. Touch me....", she sang loudly and with conviction. It was riveting to see this person going through all this production just to explain why she didn't want to be linked to a number. As the song continued she started to improvise lyrics, "I know I'm not just a number.", and "The quota's are set, there's no way we can turn them around. But I'm gonna get set to make them when I get down.", and then she did a semi dance move and through her arms in the air. I looked around the room at all he gaping mouths from the other reps. At least what I perceived as gaping mouths in a darkened room. We all were in shock and as she began to wrap up her performance, Nancy moved lightly back to her "circle of life" and then spun around twice and slowly lowered herself down to the ground in time with the music as it slowly faded. There was a moment of silence as if someone's career had just ended.

And then, thunderous applause from our Vice President, who obviously had a crush on Nancy,

"That's what I'm talking about people! Now that's creative! We all need to be more like that. Way to put your heart into it Nancy!" All of us began clapping as well, loudly, mimicking the idiot who would soon be fired for promoting the use of obvious fire hazards during sales presentations. It was obvious they were sleeping together or perhaps he was just so old he couldn't see her performance in that darkened room.

But he did see her, and we all joined in supporting her act. I was wondering how many more matinees she would be performing in the conference room, and if her "show" would be held over for another week. But in the end Nancy's career, only lasted 2 more months, during which she did nothing. And I mean nothing. She showed no activity, no sales, nothing. I guess some people are really meant to perform numbers not just be one.

-M

Travel Hell

Flying is a bitch. If you ever fly, you probably have experienced some sort of problems with travel. Either a missed flight, a missed connection, or lost luggage. If you travel more than 5 times per year, something has invariably happened to you to slow your travel plans. If that hasn't happened, your lucky! Or maybe you're a Southwest Airlines customer, and I'll explain this later. (And no I don't work for that airline)

My family lives back east, and this winter I went to visit them for the holidays. It was a lot of fun: plenty of food, egg nog, wine, and cookies. I gained 10 pounds just by being around all those calories, and as usual my family all got "happy" and we sang songs and played cards. This might not sound like fun, but my family likes to get really "HAPPY". By "HAPPY", I mean we drink copious amounts of beer, wine, etc., and are extremely loud. And jokes coupled with insults fly freely, so it is really a great time! Just don't come to our house on Christmas if you're sensitive.

I was planning to stay just a few days and the weather was great; snow on Christmas, and then snow again the next day, but then it stopped snowing. I thought this was great for me since there would be no problems flying out after Christmas. Boy was I wrong.

Apparently, on the east coast they were experiencing a terrible snowstorm, but just not in the region where my family lives. So all during the festivities, I was thinking, "I'll have no problem at all getting out. I'm flying west, not east. Boy look at all that snow in NY. They're screwed.". Wrong again.

When the day came for me to fly back home, my flight was still scheduled on time, and I printed my boarding pass that morning. I was still under the impression, I would be flying out that day. I arrived at the airport in plenty of time, but when I walked through the doors, I knew there was going to be trouble. The line for my flight,on Continental airlines, was the longest in the airport. It was in the center of the terminal with US Airways on one side and Southwest on the other. All the passengers on the other airlines had broad smiles on their faces and they seemed to have a holiday glow as they passed me on their way to the gates. However, all the Continental customers had miserable looks on there faces and were completely annoyed. Some of them looked as if they'd been in line for days. I got in line with the rest of the miserable passengers and waited. The line did not move for almost 15 minutes. And then the "natives" became restless:

"What is the deal with this line. It's not even moving.", someone behind me shouted.

"Can we get out today for God's sake!", added another stranded passenger.

I hadn't even thought to check the television monitor for departing flights so I asked a young woman to save my place in line and wandered over to the monitors. It showed all the Continental flights were cancelled. I was dumbfounded, and sulked my way over to the line again so I could figure out my options. I was not happy about my predicament and neither was anyone else.

"All the flights are cancelled. Did you all know that?", I said to the people behind me.

"What?!" , a woman behind me shrieked. "I need to get home. How can they cancel all the flights?"

"I know. I've been here since Monday, trying to get out. They aren't even answering the phone at Continental. So I came here to try and get out.", another man in front of me said, with a definite look of defeat. He was the guy who looked like he'd been in line for days, and apparently he had: literally.

"No friggin way! How can they do that?", I asked.

"They say it's the weather back east. No flights going that way. And their hub is in Jersey"

"What?!" , again the woman shouted. Obviously she was so incensed, she couldn't express herself any further.

So now everyone in line was getting upset. Apparently, I had opened a floodgate to conversation about how poor the service was with Continental Airlines and how awful the employees dressed.

"How could they just not answer the phone? Dont' they care about their customers?"

"What are they doing up there at the counters?"

"Why is it taking so long? That guy has been at the counter for 20 minutes?!"

"What in God's name is that ticket agent wearing? I thought they all had to be in uniform?"

We would all commiserate and watch the interaction between the customers at the counter and the ticket agents. Nearly all of the passengers walked away disgruntled and the ticket agents showed no expression. No remorse; nothing.

"I feel sorry for that lady's husband. She looks like a dead fish.", someone said about one particular agent who had a very "icy" demeanor. Each customer that she attended to walked away with an angry look on their face. Her reaction was always the same, stoic. She didn't even smile when people came up to the counter, just simply took their itinerary and began tapping on her keys. Half the time she didn't even say anything. The passenger would just stand at the counter and she would be pounding away but not even interacting with them. It was as if they weren't even there, standing in front of her.

At this point, we all started to focus on this particular agent. We speculated about her family, her home life, what a hell she must have created for her kids at home. Or could she even have kids? Half of the people in line thought she was frigid, the other thought she must tie her kids up and leave them in the basement while she went to work. A few other theories were that secretly she was a dominatrix somewhere in the city, but it was our job, if we didn't make it out, to find out exactly where. We nicknamed her "The Ice Princess." This little distraction helped because my mood improved. And as I was getting closer and closer to the counter, I thought, "Please don't let me get the Ice Princess. Please...please...please. No Ice Princess." I ensvisioned her in a black rubber corset with a whip, and I almost laughed out loud. But as the line got shorter and shorter (and it should have, we were there for nearly 2 hours); it became apparent who was going to attend to my travel needs.

Sure enough, while I was standing as the next passenger in line, the Ice Princess called to me, "Next person in line." A cry of joy came from the passengers behind me, and a few audible laughs. They were so happy I was "taking the bullet" for them. I felt certain that I was doomed.

"Just here to check in for my flight!", I said, trying to be funny. I handed her my itinerary. She didn't laugh.

"Where are you flying?", she said, not even looking over my itinerary.

"West. Anywhere west. Not east but west.", I said hoping she would get the hint. She didn't.

"No flights are leaving here til next Monday. Can you fly out of Toronto?"

"You mean Canada?"

"Yeah that's where Toronto is. Do you have a passport.", she asked.

"Yeah, uh no. I don't usually carry a passport when I'm flying in the United States. Should I?", again I smiled, trying to find the humor in the situation.

She didn't laugh. She didn't even smirk. She didn't even look up. Just kept staring at the screen and typing away. It was annoying because she didn't even say, "We're sorry for the inconvenience." I looked at the other counter people and they were all doing the same thing. Typing away and ignoring their customers. I thought that was an odd response, especially if you wanted the customers to continue using your airline. I would never ignore my customer or their needs unless the request were unreasonable. I decided to try and help out.

"How bout Cleveland or Chicago. I flew in from Cleveland, can you get me out through Cleveland?", I asked nicely. But I was beginning to lose my patience with her steely demeanor.

"Let me check on that for you.", and I thought her voice perked up a bit. And then she gave me a ray of hope. Her eyebrows raised as if she might have something. A glimmer of hope and then;

"No. No flights to Cleveland right now. They're all booked. In fact there are no seats available on flights for any of the airlines, except Southwest. And of course you'd have to book your own ticket on that airline.", she said and then typed some more. "Oh sorry no seats on Southwest now either.", she added and I almost saw a little smile. She must have heard what I had said about her while waiting in line.

"What do you recommend I do then? Any recommendations?", I asked her as if I was pleading yet still annoyed with her at the same time.

"Sir there are no flights til Monday. I suggest you go back home and wait until Monday. ", she said and handed back my itinerary.

"It's Tuesday now. You're advice is to wait a week? Really that's the best you can do?", now I was visibly irritated and my face flushed.

"There's nothing I can do for you at this time. sorry.", she said and again I saw a slight grin on her face. She had definitely heard the part about her kids being tied up in the basement.

" Thank you very much for NOTHING. I appreciate it.", I said visibly upset for the service, or lack there of.

" Oh my. Well I never...", she said as if she were offended by my remark.

" I bet you never. Who would want to with you", I said and turned and walked out. As I was walking past, one of my fellow stranded passengers shouted after me, "Did you get out?"

"Nope. I'm screwed!", I shouted back at him, "Good luck!"

I went home checked online, called Continental, waited on hold for an hour, and to my surprise, they got me a flight two days later on another airline. As I was on the phone with the ticketing agent, thanking him over and over again for his assistance, I asked, "Why would they tell me there were no flights on any of the airlines if there were?"

"I think they get so frustrated with the system and the line of people complaining that at some point, they just stop caring.", he said over the phone.

"Exactly.", I responded.

That was the problem. I wasn't frustrated that I couldn't fly, I was frustrated that they didn't seem to care. The ticketing agent didn't even apologize, didn't smile, didn't even register that I was a person standing in front of her asking for help. If she had at least acted like she was doing something or empathized with my plight, or wore the dominatrix outfit while pounding her keys, I might fly that airline again. But after that incident and the one that followed. Never again. They LOST a customer for life.

Remember that it's how you respond to a problem with a customer that's more important than the problem itself.

-M

Kill the Gatekeeper

As a salesperson you run into some of the most ignorant people on the planet. People that won't even take a meeting. My friends tell me, "Oh they just don't like salespeople. That's all. I don't like salespeople. I don't even know why I'm friends with you anyway."

Fair enough, so they don't like salespeople. What does that have to do with hearing a person out? All I want is to show them my product...am I that great of a salesperson that by some "magic" I will sell them something they don't want? Uh...no. No one is that good, and I repeat NO ONE. You can't sell what they don't want to buy, but on the other hand they can't buy something they've never seen or heard of, so this is a two way street. If you're not willing to see someone then you're just an idiot. That's like trying to by a car and going to just one dealer and looking at just one model. Is ignorance bliss? Or bullshit?

Last week, I was cold calling....yes cold calling; on a lead I received from a pretty reputable source. "Oh you need to go to this agency, they need you're products badly." , so my friend tells me. Meaning they're practicing medicine in the dark ages and get over there before they bleed another patient to death to remove the "bad spirits" from their bodies. I laughed as I headed into the agency and it seemed like it was pretty well kept. I was surprised because usually the appearance of a place can tell you how well they take care of their patients. Usually...but not in this case.

I walked in and introduce myself but did not mention I had been referred to them. I checked my reports and notice that they even had made a few purchases in the last month. So I anticipated this might be a "warm call". I was wrong.

"Hi I'm M. I represent _____________. You're a customer of ours and I was wondering if I could either speak to the Director of Nursing or maybe just get a card to make an appointment.", I handed the young man behind the desk my card.

He seemed terribly annoyed by the intrusion. "You can't see her without an appointment sorry. It's best to CALL ahead of time." And he stressed the word call.

"Is the Director of Nursing here today?", I asked, hoping that she might have a little break in her day to chat for a few minutes.

" Uh yeah. But like I said, it's best to CALL ahead of time for an appointment.", he said again and handed me back my card.

" Yeah I get that I need to CALL ahead of time but someone referred me this agency and advised that I speak directly to the nursing director. So can I get a card to make a phone call so I can make an appointment or is she available now. If she's available now that would be great"

Now he was really annoyed. I guess I had interrupted his "me time" with People Magazine or Facebook. He held out his hand. "Can I have your card back?" I handed him the card and he took it, stood up from behind the desk and walked towards an office with a large window.

Now this is the part that annoys me about being in sales. People always look at you from their offices like you're a rabid dog, or a criminal who's on the loose. Like meeting with you, might place them at risk for rabies or an abduction. It's funny but I don't understand why people aren't more considerate. It's strange, but then again, I hate when people knock on my door selling Christmas wreathes, so I guess it's understandable. I just don't like the way they look at you. So here I am standing in this lobby, being ogled by the Director of Nursing and the "GateKeeper", and I look away trying to be polite. I look at the coffee table full of "OK" magazines and wait for him to come back. It takes a few minutes, and I hear them talking, and finally he returns and hands me back my card.

"She said we don't need any at this time. Thank you.", he said with a forced smile.

I was in shock. I thought for sure she would at least give me her card.

"What? She said we don't need any at this time? I'm sorry what does that mean? I'm not selling cologne door to door or Disney knock off products. These are medical products. "

"I dunno what to tell you. She said she didn't need any. That's what she said.", and I think he snickered a bit.

"Well can I just call her to make an appointment since she doesn't even know what it is she doesn't need?"

"We don't give out that information. SORRY.", he said and then smiled. Not a pleasant or even a fake smile, but the smart ass smile that means "screw you". And at that moment, I knew that I was not gonna take any crap from this little prick.

"I'm sorry. If you don't hand out cards and don't give out information, how does someone CALL ahead to make an appointment to do business with the agency. I'm confused. Is it magic?"

"Yeah I'm not sure exactly. Maybe just leave me some information and I'll give it her and she'll give you a call."

"Oh no problem. Here is a clinical study of how our products improved outcomes in over 1100 patients, and here's my card. Explain to her that I was a referral from Dr. Mengele and he thinks we can help your patients.", now I was completely annoyed, and ready to burn this bridge.

"Okay, no need to get irritated. I'll give her the information. And which doctor recommended your company?", he said, visibly flustered by my attitude, and even more confused that I referred to a doctor.

"Dr. Josef Mengele. I'm not sure he's worked with this agency before. If you could please pass that message along. Thanks.", I said very distinctly and then walked out. As I stood in the hallway waiting for the elevator I said out loud:

"God I've always wanted to do that!"

I wasn't thinking of the repercussions, or the call my boss was about to get in the next couple of hours. I was just happy that I didn't take any shit from that little bastard. Ah....rude.

Have a great day out there!

-M

May I Taser You Please?!

Have you ever been in a conversation or presentation, and the person your directing all your energy towards is ignoring you?! As a rep, we can be spit on, yelled at, threatened physically, and even beaten, but WE DO NOT LIKE TO BE IGNORED. It's just rude! Hey we're people too.

Today, I was with a potential customer and he was too busy looking at his computer to answer any of my questions with enthusiasm. I think I was putting him to sleep, which normally is the affect I have on people. But this guy would stare at his computer the whole time, and he wasn't listening to a word I was saying. The needs analysis, rapport building, and Q&A went something like this:

Me: This is quite an amazing facility you have here. How long have you been working for ___________(insert company name here)?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh? How long have I what? (Typing away on his computer)

Me: How long have you worked here?

Sleeping Beauty: Oh, me? About ten years.

Me: Really? That's a long time. What drew you to this line of work? Was it something you always wanted to do?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh? Oh me. A friend brought me in one day and I liked it. What does this have to do with your products? (Still looking at his screen and typing)

Me: I'm just trying to get a sense of who you are and what you're looking for in a company, out products are really irrelevent. We want to establish a business partnership with you and _________.

Sleeping Beauty: What? Can you repeat what you just said? (Not even looking at me now)

Me: I said we'd like to establish a business partnership with your company first. We know our products work, but we want to work with you.

Sleeping Beauty: Oh yeah right, right. I got ya.

He was so engrossed in what he was doing, he was now leaning closer to his monitor and typing furiously. I knew that he was not listening to a word I was saying at this point.

Me: Do you mind if I tasered you now?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh. If you what now? (unaware of what I just said)

Me: Do you mind if I tapered this conversation. Maybe we can meet at a time that's more convenient for you.

Sleeping Beauty: Uh what? Why would you want to tape the conversation? That's strange. (Still not looking at me, but too busy updating his FaceBook profile).

Me: No I said tapered. In other words cut it short and rescheduled.

Sleeping Beauty: What? What? Why?

Me: To be honest, I think I'm boring you, and it would be better if I came back when you have more time.

Sleeping Beauty: What? Okay sure, sure. You're not boring me. Sorry I just have to get this done now and I don't have any time. I really was listening.

Me: Oh no. I completely understand, and thanks for your time. How bout we do this again next week on the same day in the morning. Like 9 am?

Sleeping Beauty: Huh? Yeah that works. Sorry again, but we'll get into it next time. (Shaking my hand but barely looking away from his computer monitor)

Me: Thanks.

I shook his hand and left, but I would like to have shaken his whole body! I hate when people meet with you but your eyes never meet. If they don't have time, I wish they'd just tell me. So if someone is ignoring you, just throw something out there. What do you have to lose? You don't even have their attention! Say something to make them sit up and listen....or taser them, whichever works.

Have a great day selling!

-M

Are you getting this?

When you're selling a product like cars, bikes, shoes, clothes, and hats, everyone has an idea of what your product is and what it does for them. A car gives them status, or gets them simply from one place to the other. Clothes can give them a good feeling about how they look, or clothes can be a status symbol too. These products and their benefits are easy to understand.

Medical products however is a whole different story. They're are times when I think I'm speaking Greek to these people. Even the doctors! (No wonder there are so many medical malpractice lawsuits).I was speaking to a group of nurses and one doctor today, and I was asking them basic questions about how to treat certain conditions. Then I asked them if they understood the basic cellular functions of a certain organ and they looked at me with blank stares.

You know the kind of stare you have when you're in a store trying to pick out something to drink and there's 200 different options on the shelf and that's just for energy drinks. So you kinda just stare at the overwhelming choices and think, "What happened to just Coke, 7-Up and Pepsi? And do I really need beer with caffeine in it. WTF?"

When I tossed out a couple of advance terms again they stared blankly: so finally I just said,

"Are any of you getting what I'm talking about? There's nothing wrong with that, but would you like me to go through the basic stuff first so it's easier to understand how the product works?" They looked around at each other, and finally the doctor said,

"Yes, yes why don't you go over it so you can refresh our memories. I understand it perfectly but not everyone does I'm sure"

He was so full of it. He looked as dumbfounded as the rest of them. Mind you ,this was a doctor that when using one of my products sewed it into the patient thinking it would work better that way, even though I had helped him place the product about 10 times or more.

"Certainly doctor. I'll give all of you some refreshers on the basics of this type of care. Then I'll explain just how our products work on the cellular level. "

So I guess the lesson here for me was that not everyone knows what you're talking about when you're selling certain products. And it doesn't hurt to go back and "refresh" their memories of the basics. In fact, it can erase any bad influences they've received from your competitors!

Be sure you know your audience and cater to their needs. Have a great day selling!

-M

Are you serious?

I've heard that women sales reps get accosted all the time by potential or existing customers, but I've never had this happened to me...until recently. I don't understand how women can deal with sleazy doctors, lawyers, customers, mechanics, or midget butchers hitting on them when they go into accounts. Until yesterday.

I was visiting an account for rounds with a nurse director and she and I were having a good time as usual. Her name was Emily and she was a very pretty woman, in her mid thirties, with a great sense of humor and very smart. We finished our rounds fairly early and then she pulled me into her office.

"I really like your product, but I'm more interested in you. What are you up to tonight?", she said politely as if we were just having a casual conversation.

" Uh, this is a little awkward, but I'm busy.", I wasn't but I lied.

" Listen. You and I have been rounding and flirting now for months. You find me attractive don't you?"

I did. I had to admit she was a very attractive older woman, and if I was still a horny young man, I would be totally excited she was asking me to go out on the town. But as an older man, I felt a little bit weird about the entire situation. I tried to deflect the question.

"Of course you're attractive, but what does that have to do with our business relationship."

" Well, if you find me attractive and I find you attractive who cares about the business relationship. We're just two people having a good time together. We should go out for drinks after work. C'mon it'll be fun! I'll pay that way you won't get in trouble."

What's odd is I could see her point. If we in fact were attracted to each other, I thought why not meet her for drinks, but then I realized this was just a recipe for a big bowl of Trouble Stew.

"I'm flattered, and you are very attractive, but I don't want to lose my job.", I answered and I was serious. This was definitely one of those situations that would put my job in jeopardy.

" What? You think I don't know that. But who's gonna know? I'm not going to tell anyone. Are you?", she said and started moving towards me with the look a fat kid gives to a candy bar. I backed up instinctively.

" It's not that. Someone could see us out together and automatically assume the wrong thing.", I said and kept backing towards the door.

" If you ask me, they can assume all they want, but it's not the wrong thing. It's definitely the right thing!", she said with enthusiasm and I could sense that her hunger for "candy", meaning me, was not going to be satisfied til she had me.

" Uh, this is getting weird. I thought you were buying our stuff because it works. Not because of me."

" You're product works great but I just like seeing your ass everyday. I love those pants.", she said and smacked me on the butt. I jumped like a frightened cat. She smiled.

" Emily, I don't think this is gonna work. I like you and all but I can not only lose my job but ruin my career. I should go." I said and I reached for the door but she leaped in front of me.

" Oh no you don't. You're not leaving just yet. I wanna show you something.", and with that she promptly removed her top. She was wearing a pretty black bra underneath. I backed away from the door to give her room to do whatever else she was planning to do.

"What do you think?", she said looking down at her breasts.

" That bra is really pretty.", I answered, by this time I'm sure my face was flushed red.

" Not the bra you idiot. These!", she said and cupped her breasts, "They're nice huh? Not bad for a 30 something woman. Of course their fake but they're great!"

I had to admit they were spectacular, and it was obvious she was in great shape. So here I had a beautiful woman in only her scrub bottoms and a bra, standing in front of me, wanting me to accost her. Believe it or not, I didn't know what to say. Part of me was rising to the occassion while the other part of me was trying to resist. I had to think of something fast.

"I can see that part of you likes it." , she said and looked at my pants, "Wow. That's impressive."

My body was obviously not listening to my head in this situation. I laughed a little bit, trying to buy some time and amuse her.

"Ah that happens all the time. Especially this time of day.", I said and laughed again.

"Really?", she said and moved towards me, "And I thought it was all because of me.". She moved slowly with a sheepish grin on her face and her eyes were locked with mine. She was moving in for the kill and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to resist. It had been months since my last relationship and I hadn't been with a woman for quite a while. And now here was a lovely woman in front of me, wearing a bra, and ready to pounce. My resistance was starting to wain. Her perfume, her bra and her beauty were starting to get the best of me, and as she moved closer to kiss me only one thought went through my head. "You're fired!" I heard my boss say this loudly and I snapped back to reality. I slid under her and moved away.

"Playing hard to get huh? I like that she said with a smile." and she moved towards me again.

I had to think of something, anything to get out of the situation. And then suddenly it came to me in an instant. As she was moving in again, with my resistance down, and my desires up, and just as she was about to kiss me, I blurted it out.

"Emily, I'm gay.", I lied.

Her head snapped back and she looked at me, "What?!"

" I'm gay. That's why I can't go out with you. I didn't want to say anything. It's kind of embarrassing for me.", I said and looked down at the ground.

She looked down at my pants, "Uh...that is not how a gay man reacts to a woman."

" I was looking at the picture behind you.", I said. Her head turned and a semi-erotic photo of a nude man was hanging on the wall behind her. She turned back and looked at me. I looked down at the ground again.

"That's a Robert Mapplethorpe photo isn't it?"

" Oh my god you are gay!", she nearly shouted. "Now it all makes sense. No wonder I like you so much. I'm kind of a fag hag.", she said and began laughing. I laughed awkwardly with her and as I did, the sexual pressure and tension were now gone from the conversation.

" You're a fag hag?", I said acting surprised because I was surprised.

" Oh yeah. For years now. And I've always liked gay guys. Oh this completely makes sense. ", she said and she started looking for her top.

" You're not upset?", I asked finding her top and handing it to her.

" Upset? No not at all. This happens to me all the time. I'm always falling for gay guys.

At that time, I began to question my own masculinity. Did I dress gay? Did I carry myself like a gay guy? Was I too metrosexual? All these questions popped into my head. But I stayed the course .

"Oh well that's a relief. I'm glad you're not upset."

" Not in the least. In fact I'm flattered that you at least seemed aroused."

" You won't tell anyone will you? People are weird about that stuff", I said.

" Nah, your secret's safe with me."

" And what about my business? Is my business safe with you?"

" Oh yeah that's safe too. Don't worry at least now I have someone to go shopping with me. ", she said with a smile and started laughing.

" I can do that.", I said with a smile of relief. Now I just need to figure out how to dress more fashionably.

-M

Is This Too Revealing?

I was out last week in a hospital and talking to a few nurses when this tall buxom woman comes walking on to the floor and almost everyone's head turns. She was absolutely beautiful: long hair, pretty face, and a flawless body. Which to her credit, she had worked hard to maintain and didn't mind showing off to the doctors.

However, the dress she had on was so tight, and so revealing that it was almost as if she had nothing on. First of all, it was low,low,low,low, cut in the front. Did I mention it was cut low?

And secondly it was so tight that every curve was accentuated and every line revealed. It was so snug, one of the nurses said, "She can't be wearing panties with that. It's way too tight, you would see the panty lines." Too which she added, "I bet you'd like to find out wouldn't you?"

I said nothing, because my mouth was still open, and then as I listened to what she had said, I just chuckled and asked, "Who is that anyway?"

"That's your competition.", the charge nurse said and then laughed.

"Really? I'm in trouble.", I responded and then gulped for air.

"No you're not. We make most of the decisions on this floor and we've decided we don't want to work with a rep who dresses like a whore. All the guy docs like her but we don't. I wouldn't worry about it."

" The docs like her. That could be trouble?", I was trying to keep from staring at the young woman who was just across the station and talking to a resident doctor.

" They like her, but they don't respect her. She's an idiot. They bring her in just to ogle at her."

" Really? That's kinda sad."

" For her not for you. Quit whining.", another nurse said and then added, "Don't even think about dressing like that."

" I would never do that. First of all I'm a man, and secondly, I don't like that dress."

-M