Should You Drink With Your Boss?

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With the holiday season coming soon, there will be plenty of parties and opportunities for many of you to share drinks with your coworkers or more importantly with your boss. For years and years, I was always under the impression that it was not appropriate to get drunk with the boss.  In fact, it was frowned upon because you might end up saying something you'd regret, or you might get so drunk you throw up on your boss' shoes.  Mixing alcohol and the work environment has so much potential for both levity and tragedy that I have always stayed away from my boss at any holiday party where libations were prevalent. However, after hearing a few stories from some close friends, I think getting drunk with your boss may not be so bad after all.  I have a few friends who recently were promoted and not based solely upon performance, but because they had partied with their boss. So to that I say, "drink up!"  The holidays just might be a great opportunity for you to bond with your boss. However, be wary that there a few guidelines to follow, when imbibing with your "fearless leader."

• Drink moderately - If you like a drink now and then, be sure to drink in moderation.  If you get completely wasted you're not going to be able to get your point across and in random cases you might not even be understood.  Slurry is a word used to describe an insoluble liquid, but it may also describe the words coming out of your mouth, if you've had too much to drink.
• Suck up! - And I don't mean liquor.  I mean your boss is probably drunk and wants you to tell him how great he/she is, so let him/her have it.  Share with him how wonderful you think he/she is, and make sure he's not so drunk he doesn't remember all the compliments that you heaped upon him. Be nice early and often, so the next day his memory doesn't elude him.
• Keep your pants/skirt on - It doesn't always pay to sleep with your boss.  Although I have seen a few people sleep their way to top positions.  However, there is too much baggage to carry around when you start an intimate relationship with your boss...especially if they're married!  Alcohol can make some ugly people seem pretty attractive, but you must resist! 
• Be a confidant - Your boss probably has no one to vent to, so make sure you listen carefully.  Liquor has a tendency to break down many work place barriers. All types of useful information will be forthcoming the more he/she drinks, so be sure alert enough to remember all the juicy details. 
• Drinking buddies - You would be surprised by how many career changing decisions are made over a pint of beer.  I once heard a manager tell me that he assesses the merits of an individual in the interview process by this criteria. "Can I go and have a beer with this guy/girl?". If you're not a drinking buddy with your boss, this holiday season might be a good time to start.
• Do not whine - The only wine you want to see is in your glass, not coming out of your mouth. Managers tend to remember people who complain a lot.  It's better to keep your thoughts to yourself rather than turn the holiday festivities into a gripe session. It's supposed to be a party!
• Stay off the dance floor - Unless you're a very good dancer I would not go near a piece of laminated wood.  Under the influence of alcohol we all think we can dance like Michael Jackson, but the truth is many of us ending up looking more like David Hasselhoff. If you don't want to be the talk at the water cooler the next day, avoid the hardwood.  
• Don't Drive - After all your hard work getting to know your boss don't become a statistic. Be smart and be safe.

I know that many of you will be having a good time at your holiday parties, and interacting with your boss, so this might be the best time to get to know her/him.  Follow these simple guidelines and you'll have a good time, and it might even help your career...a little bit.

Have fun!

17 Habits of Wildly Unsuccessful People

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In today's business world we are always looking for the quick fix, or some good advice that will help us be more successful. I can't even count all the posts on LinkedIn which begin with, "The One Thing...".  It's a bit too much for my taste.  And really, is there simply one thing that can cure all of your business issues...hell no!   However there are some good tips on developing habits which will help you not only with your job but with your life.  Unfortunately for you, this post is not about those good habits you need to develop.  Sorry! Rather, this post reflects on those bad habits you need to avoid if you want to be successful.  If you can avoid falling into the trap of developing these bad habits, you may find success in both your job and your personal life.  After reading this post, many of you might think that some of these habits are good to have, and many successful people practice these habits.  But at what cost?

"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

• Tardiness - If someone really wants to be successful they can start by arriving on time.  I sometimes find myself falling in and out of this bad habit, and it gets me in trouble.  Some people are really focused on time, and if you're not timely, it can lead to a bad situation.  Be on time as often as possible, and if you are late, you had better have a damn good excuse, like a car accident, or an illness, or a death in the family.  People don't mind if you're on time, but they freak out when you're late. One example of a bad excuse for being tardy is "I was getting my nails done." Which was exactly what I heard from a guy last week...yes it was a guy.  
• Depressing - Everyone has those days where you feel like that character "Debbie Downer".  Where nothing goes right and you're in a bad mood all day.  However, if that's the way you start out everyday, then nobody will want to work with you.  Please don't feign happiness either because then you're just trying to fool yourself.  Life is to be lived and enjoyed and even though you're at work, and you may hate your job, make the most of it, and try to get through the day without bringing down everyone around you.  No one wants to work with an "Eeyore", they would prefer to work with a "Piglet".
• Whining - The only wine I want is in a glass, and I'm sure your colleagues and coworkers feel the same.  You won't make progress in your career if you're constantly whining about problems.  It is better to solve the problem than be part of the problem. I was working with a company just last month, and we were asking for input from employees.  We were in a meeting, and one guy just kept shooting down every idea offered, until finally I asked him, "Do you have any ideas on how to fix this problem?" He answered, "No.  But I know what won't work and none of your ideas are going to work.". My response was simple, "Instead of focusing on what won't work, can you please help all of us focus on what will work?  I think we'll make a lot more progress that way. You're input is more valuable in helping us find a solution, rather than pointing out problems." He grumbled a little bit, but then he helped us, which was good, because that could have become a pretty ugly situation.
• Irresponsibility - People who are wildly unsuccessful never take responsibility for anything...including themselves.  If they don't succeed it's always someone else's fault.  Or if their life is miserable it's because somebody is ruining it, but it's not them.  They have no control over how well things go, or how badly things go.  It's all out of their control and if everyone would just pitch in to help them, than everything would be alright. Granted we can't control every aspect of our lives but we should focus on what we can control, and take responsibility for our own lives and careers.  Otherwise we're just dust in the wind.  
• Self-Defeating Attitude - Yesterday, someone said to me, "I just can't do it."  I wanted to slap them, but you can get arrested for hitting your mother nowadays so I decided it was best to calm down.  And no, I would never hit my mom. But seriously, I hate when people say that can't do something even before they try.  Be realistic but don't be a defeatist. I realistically can't fly and I won't try right now because it would be suicide, but I can learn to fly eventually.  Nothing was ever accomplished by sitting on the couch, and saying "I can't do it." 
• Stupidity - I think this habit needs no real explanation. If you have a habit of being stupid, you probably won't be successful.  And by stupid I mean not using common sense, or following a reasonable thought process.  Think before you act, otherwise you're going to have a hard time getting through life.
• Myopia - Unsuccessful people have a certain way of seeing things...their way.  I once had an employee who every time a customer or a fellow employee had an issue with him, he would respond, "They're not seeing things my way.  They're not listening to me.  I'm telling them exactly what we need to do but they don't see or hear what I'm trying to get across.".  The problem wasn't with the customer or fellow employees it was with him.  He was the one not seeing or hearing other people's views and opinions. 
• Immaturity - There are people I work with who are in their 60's and I still consider them to be pretty immature, and I've met teenagers who act more mature than many adults.  It's not a question of age it's about being mature.  Handling things in a civilized manner and not pouting if you don't get your way, or throwing a temper tantrum if things don't go well.  People who are not successful have a tendency to act like they're in kindergarten rather than a university.
• Remorselessness -  People who are less than a success have a tendency to act without remorse.  In simpler terms, if they do something spiteful or they make a mistake they don't seem to care. It's as if they had nothing to do with the error or if the act is perceived as malicious they don't see how it was their fault.  Or possibly they just don't care.
• Conniving - Currently I am working with a company who has one senior sales rep who is using other people to get her work done.  She explains that since her numbers are so good what does it matter that she uses people, "lower on the totem pole", as she so aptly puts it, to her advantage. When her new manager approached her about this unfair delegation of duties, she threaten to sue for sexual misconduct on his part.  It was their first meeting and his office door was open the whole time!!!! But apparently, she has been doing this for years, using people and threatening employees and managers. She is manipulative and conniving and for sure I will help this company in any way I can to dismiss just such a person.  Karma's a bitch.
• Jealousy- I exhibit this trait all the time.  I am just as guilty as the next person of being jealous of fellow colleagues, CEO's and business owners.  Hell, I even get jealous of other people's posts!  I'll read something and think, "this post is utter crap, but 500,000 people read it." What jealousy does, is affect your ability to focus on your own goals.  If you can ignore what other people are doing, not get jealous, and concentrate on yourself, than you'll be much better off personally and professionally.
• Stealing - Unsuccessful people have a tendency to steal things.  Lots of things...like credit for a certain job, pencils, pens, commissions, and even some coworkers will steal your identity.  Yep that's right, the number one culprit of identity theft are people you work with.  And they wonder why they're unsuccessful?  They should wonder why they aren't in jail.
• Narcissism - Many people who extremely self absorbed or narcissistic are limiting their own success. They often are over looked for promotions because management doesn't often see them as "team players".  I really hate that phrase, but it's true.  If you can't be part of a team, and support a team, it's very likely you won't advance past a certain stage in your career. 
• Libelous - I was trying to think of what this habit entailed and then it came to me...it's about talking trash about people behind their backs.  If you're a person who derides people and then doesn't express the same sentiments to their face, you're going to get yourself into a lot of trouble.  You might even do it without thinking about it.  I have on occasion been asked an opinion about someone, and offered my views which were not meant to be negative, but an hour later that person will confront me and ask "why did you say that about me?"  Usually I am asked about work habits, or if the person will develop into a good sales rep, but it could turn ugly if I'm not careful with my choice of words.  Plus if I were to go around talking crap about everyone in the office, I would be spending a lot of time by myself and that's not a good thing, especially when you're the CEO.    
• Disloyal - If you can't be loyal to fellow employees or if you're a boss and you're not loyal to your own employees, than they will never be loyal to you.  Heck, in life if you're disloyal you won't have any friends, and I know that from experience. I make that statement with woeful regret.  
• Deceitful - In short, you're a cheater.  Now many people have pointed out that successful people still cheat, and they site Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.  However, I would argue that though both have been very successful, they can't enjoy their success because it will always be tainted with the stain of deception.  Despite their greatness people will always remember that they cheated. 
• Disingenuousness- Damn!  That's a big word! Simply put you're a phony, a fake, not real.  People can spot a person who is fake pretty easily.  If you don't really care about a person, don't feign sincerity, because it simply doesn't work.  Years ago, a fellow employee had a child who was very sick and our boss, who was a total jerk, said "I'm sorry to hear about your kid, but we need to get this project done by the end of the month."  He wasn't sorry. He didn't even give a damn about his employee's child and sure enough 9 months later, that guy was fired.  Why?  All of us hated him, mostly because he wasn't sincere.

I understand that many of you reading this post didn't learn anything new here, and that the habits I've outlined are obviously things we already know we shouldn't be practicing.  So then why do many of us have these habits?  And why are so many incredibly successful people, practitioners of these terrible habits? Because we're all looking to gain some type of advantage, not just in business, but in life.  Even people that are already successful still want "get a leg up" on everyone else. However you don't have to be a jerk to be a success.  In fact, I would argue that if you're a jerk, then despite all you're success, to me, you're a failure. 

I Am Not A Cheerleader

A long time ago, at a company far, far, away, I was passed over for a promotion.  Why?  Because I was told it didn't seem like I wanted the job. That I wasn't a "cheerleader" for the company or the position...and I guess they were probably right.  I've never been a sales person or manager who was "in your face".  I've never been a high energy guy, instead I've always had a pretty mellow disposition, but I'm still competitive as hell.  In fact, if you ever seen me play a sport, and I mean any sport, you would be scared at how crazy competitive I am.  But in this case, I just wasn't into the interview process.  I figured I had the position sewn up and I was more annoyed than honored that they had to interview me before they promoted me.  What a cocky bastard I was?!

So last week, I ran into the same issue.  I was contacted by a company, and they wanted to speak to me about helping them with their sales process and possibly training their sales representatives.  When I first walked into the offices of the Regional Vice President, I thought for sure it was going to be an easy sale.  He already like what I had to say over the phone, he'd perused the website and saw all that we had the offer, and we had met previously at a conference.  Naturally, I thought the deal was all but done.  I was dead wrong.

Here's how my visit went:

VP: "You have a great list of clients, and you've shown improvement at every company you've worked with, but why should I work with you and not some of your competitors."

Me: "I think you've just answered your own question. You said I have an impressive list of clients and have shown improvement at every company I've worked with.  If you need a list of references I can give them to you.  Is that what you need?"

VP: "No I'll take your word for it. But what makes you so good? You seem very unassuming.  Almost humble.  I need someone who's gonna set my hair on fire! Why should I use your firm as opposed to me sending my people to a Dale Carnegie or a Miller Heiman seminar.  Those companies have been around for years and they have great reputations. So why should I use you guys?"

Me: "Do you want to be like everyone else?  Because if you do, then send your people to Miller Heiman or Dale Carnegie.  Or do you want to be different?  Better yet.  Do you dare to be different? If you want to differentiate yourself than you need to get out of the box.  Not think outside the box but actually get out of the damn box!  That's where my company's at, and that's what we teach.  We don't think outside the box, we LIVE outside the box. So where do you want to be?"

VP: "I want to be different but going with your firm is a big risk.  You're good but I don't know you that well.  Like I said, I need someone to set the world on fire. How will you inspire my team?"

Me: "First of all, I am not a cheerleader.  If you're looking for someone to motivate your team and get you excited, don't come to me.  I am not Tony Robbins. I am not the guy from "Rudy". I am a teacher, a trainer, and I am an entertainer.  I'll keep your people engaged, focused , laughing, and get them to see things differently. But I am not a cheerleader. You said over the phone you wanted something different.  I am here to offer you something different. That's what you want isn't it?"

VP: "It is. Absolutely. I am just afraid your firm might be too different. I need someone to motivate me and my team. Not just be different. "

Me: I chuckled a bit, "Listen, as I said before. I'm not a motivational speaker.  I teach sales leadership and sales techniques. And think about it.  If you need someone to motivate you and the team then maybe you've got the wrong team."

VP: "I've got the right team, but I need them to improve...NOW. So you're not a cheerleader?  You're a teacher? Again why do I need you?"

ME: "I am a teacher.  But more importantly...I'm an innovator.  Do you want a cheerleader or an innovator. A cheerleader did not invent the telephone.  A cheerleader did not develop the iPhone.  A cheerleader did not invent the pacemaker. So do you want to a cheerleader or an innovator?"

VP: "I want an innovator.. Absolutely."

ME: "I am an innovator! Let me teach you and your people how to be innovators as well."

VP: "Okay. Let's do it."

And he shook my hand and we made the deal.  I have never been a "rah rah" guy.  I am low key, smart, hmmm modest, and I inspire people through my actions, not my words. Talk is cheap.  You don't need to be a cheerleader to lead. You don't need to be a cheerleader to develop people.  And you definitely don't need to be a cheerleader to be a trailblazer, a creator, or an innovator.

You just need to be...

Success Or Failure? What Are You Focusing On?

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Tonight was a complete failure.  I was working with my wife to try and get her to go to bed early, because she had a big meeting early in the morning.  I made her cookies...yes I made cookies, believe it or not. I also tried to get her to drink warm milk, and I even made her take a sleeping medication which helps her fall asleep. But it's now past midnight and she still hasn't fallen asleep.  Why? She may hate me for writing this but it's because she's not focused on falling asleep, she's focused upon what will happen if she doesn't fall asleep.  Big difference.

All the stress and anxiety she is feeling is because she is set on the wrong goal.  Her goal is to avoid missing her meeting in the morning, which has negative connotations associated with it, rather than setting her sights on falling asleep early which will bring only positive things to her life.  People will say "what's the difference?  Both goals are the same...get to sleep early and make the meeting on time."  But the routes to the end are vastly different in nature.  This is why she can't sleep.  She's focusing on the negative aspects of missing the meeting and what will happen if she over sleeps, as opposed to working on the positive aspects of falling asleep, making her meeting on time, well rested, and the good things that will come about as a result of her efforts.  There is a major difference between the two perceived outcomes.  The goal is the same but her mind is racing a million miles a second, thinking about all the consequences of her missing the meeting, that she can't relax and fall asleep.  It's pretty sad.

When you have a big project or meeting do you focus on the negative aspects or the positive opportunities? I know this all sounds like power of positive thinking bullshit, but in practice the theory is not that crazy.  What should motivate you is not fear, but rather the joy of knowing something good may happen.

When I was younger, my managers always preached "positive discontent".  How stupid is that?  That was our company philosophy and actually I still think it is part of my old employer's philosophy.  I believe the idea was to push people to be more than average.  To rise above everyone else and that is a good thing for sure.  But is it good to always be discontented?  I don't believe it's a healthy maxim. Why? Because then you'll never, ever, enjoy the fruits of your labor, and it will drive you crazy trying to seek perfection. I could never see the point in not being satisfied with your efforts.  It's okay to be proud, just not too proud. And it's alright to be happy with your work.  It might actually be a good thing...

Which brings us back to my question, what do you focus on in those key moments in your career?  Success or failure? Your choice can make all the difference.

Have a good day!







 

Thank God Steve Jobs Never Wrote Code



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I was asked to speak at a company meeting this past week, and I am always interested in what the CEOs, CFOs, and COOs are trying to convey to their people.  What is their message? First of all, there are a lot of clichés and war room messages.  "Circle The Wagons", "Stand And Deliver", "Take Ownership", and "Be The Best" are just a few of the many themes I've heard from these meetings.  It seems odd to me that many of these themes are based on movies or phrases from the current lexicon or business jargon.  It's never something visionary or different, just an old term rephrased or changed to suit the needs of the company executive.  I never feel like the company officers are really invested in the term or the theme, because they're not.  The terms are stale, the executives are stale, and they create no motivation for the people in the room. Basically, a lot of these meetings are down right BORING.

Unfortunately, a lot of companies are led by "bean counters", or "numbers guys", who care only about the company financials and not the company vision.  They are simply trying to survive but not create something great.  In this particular meeting the company message was "Grow It And Own It", which meant the sales people needed to expand the business which would give them an opportunity to acquire more ownership in the company with stock options or grants.  The CEOs vision was to grow the company 30% in the next year.  30%! Granted the company was the smallest in its market but it still had revenues near $100 million.  Moreover, the overall market was only growing at a rate of 4%! WTF?  I was listening to the CEO speak and I remembered him telling me about his history with the company. He had started as an engineer in the company and worked his way up through the ranks.  However in this instant, he was still thinking like an engineer!  He had no idea how he was going to grow 30%, he just knew that in order to reach his goal, the company had to grow 30%, even with a market growth of just 4%.  I'm not an engineer, but I was curious as to how he was planning on making this plan work, because statistically it didn't add up.

The room was filled with about 10 sales managers and 50 reps all trying to figure out how they were going to grow at a rate of 30%, and they were looking to him for the answers.  There was palpable tension in the air when he revealed they were going to bring a new product to the market.  People were stirring in their seats and getting excited about the big reveal, and I thought back to when Steve Jobs first introduced the iPhone to the world.

The year was 2007, and the cell phone market was booming.  Ericcson, Motorola, and Nokia all were big players in that space and it appeared no one was going to overtake them any time soon.  Cell phones were clunky and cumbersome and people wore them with clips on their belts.  You had to flip them open and pull up the antennae in order to get a good signal and none of them allowed you access to the Internet, or if they did it was limited access. You couldn't access an app because there was no such thing as an app! It's hard to believe this was just 8 years ago.

So what did Steve Jobs and Apple do?  They took a market that was closed and opened up a whole new market space.  It was new and exciting and people told him that he was crazy for entering into the cell phone business.  Apple was a computer company not a cell phone company.  Yet he had been successful with the iPod, why not change the cell phone industry.  Steve Jobs was not a coder, he was visionary.  He wasn't an engineer he was a conductor, orchestrating changes on a global scale.

So when this CEO was about to show this revolutionary new product, even I got excited.  As he went through his presentation he talked about how it would change the industry. All the reps were on the edge of their seats.  I could see the anticipation building as the CEO talked about all the qualities this product would bring and the benefit it would provide to customers. Some of the sales reps seemed to actually be salivating, like dogs waiting to be fed.  And when a picture of the product finally flashed on the giant screen, I thought they would all leap out of their seats and shout "hurray", but instead they slumped.  It turns out that the revolutionary new product wasn't new at all, nor was it revolutionary. It was a product that had been on the market for 5 years already that the company had purchased along with all the patents and IP that came with the product.  The CEO was planning on re branding it and selling it in other markets.  Collectively the entire room heaved a sigh and the energy and excitement was gone.  I could here the managers and reps frustration.

"If they couldn't sell it, how the hell are we gonna sell it?"

"I swear I thought he was going to introduce the new iPhone and instead he gave us a flip phone."

"Great! A new product to sell that doesn't do anything new or different."

" How is this going to revolutionize the industry?  It's an old product."


I don't think this was the reaction the CEO was hoping to get.  I think he was hoping they would stand and applaud, but they remained in their seats, heads down, contemplating their future and the future of the company.  As he stood there on the stage, a man alone, I felt sorry for him.  He was an engineer, not a visionary.  He was deep in a forest of formulas and codes and he couldn't get himself out.  He couldn't see beyond his computer screen to the bigger picture; changing lives, changing markets, or changing the world.  He didn't need to think outside the box, he needed to stand outside the box.  This is how you change the world.

Thank god Steve Jobs never wrote code.

Too Much Emotional Intelligence? Is That Possible?

 

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

 

If you're reading this to feel good and looking for a happy ending with peace, love, and rainbows, then stop reading now.  If you're reading this to understand how the corporate world can sometimes "throw you a curve", than continue reading.  The more you understand, the better off you are in managing the corporate culture. In fact, this story is about how love and understanding is unappreciated in the corporate environment.

 



Last week, a friend of mine who is incredibly successful in medical sales was being interviewed for a VP position with a very large company.  He had been working at the company for over 6 years, his team was #1 in the country, and he felt like he was more qualified than the rest of the other candidates to win the position. 

The position was overseeing an entire team of people who would be selling and cross selling a variety of biomedical devices.  Since my friend had experience in selling and managing a team he thought for sure he had a good chance of being promoted.  Compare to the other candidates, he had more experience in the field, better sales numbers, more tenure, a better reputation in the company, and he had sold all of the biomedical devices being offered so he could relate to any of the 100 or so sales reps he would be leading.  It seemed like a "no-brainer" to me.  But then again, I was being objective and assuming the people making the decision were intelligent, but of course I was wrong.

After 2 weeks of interviews with 12 different people it came down to 3 candidates, and I apologize to all the women out there that who were probably qualified but didn't make the final cut. But that's another issue corporate America needs to work on.  I've listed the final 3 candidates below and their stories:

1.)The Outsider - It is so typical of companies to bring in an outside candidate to lead their team because they want to "shake things up".  However, what happens is this type of hire usually shakes things down, and I mean specifically employee morale.  The message being sent is "none of you are good enough to be our VP".  I'm not saying don't hire candidates from another company, but I would recommend if you, meaning CEO's,  have internal people who are more than qualified than promote them for God's sake!  The Outsider had a wealth of medical experience but in an operational position, and why was he even being considered for a sales VP?  No idea, but then again, I'm thinking rationally.

2.)The Insider - Too often, people hire someone in their own image.  Someone they like, simply because, "she reminded me of myself at her age", or "he's a lot like me, self made, tough as nails, and takes no prisoners." How narcissistic is that?!  Well candidate number 2 was with the company a little over a year, and he came from a different medical device company.   He had already turned over 4 of his reps in less than a year and he was floundering at number 15 out of 30 in the country.  However, my understanding from my friend was that he was hired to assume this VP role because the CEO had made a "suggestion" to hire him a year earlier.  What is interesting is that my friend liked him, and was rooting for him, if he himself didn't get the job.  Can you imagine that?  My friend was big enough to support a decision for a candidate with less experience and poor performance.

3.)The Right Stuff - So this seems like the obvious candidate to promote to the position.  He had come through the ranks and moved up the ladder because he was able to motivate people in a positive way.  Even during the interview process, one of the panel had said to him, "you seem to have such a great reputation in the company, great numbers,  and you really know how to rally the troops. It seems like your the ideal person for the job."  Now, when he told me after all the interviews that this panel interviewer had said this to him, I immediately knew he wasn't going to get the position.  Why?  Because no one tells you that you're the ideal candidate in the interview process unless they are trying to find a way NOT TO GIVE YOU THE JOB! That's a preface for them to start picking you apart and finding any reason they can not to give you the position.

Needless to say, he wasn't awarded the VP position.  When he asked some of the interviewers for feedback on what he needed to work on, if this opportunity ever again presented itself, they all seemed to respond with similar answers:

• "You do a great job of working with your people to get results but can you make the tough decisions."
• " Your ability to engage your employees might influence your decision to fire them or lay them off."
• " When you have so much invested in your people, it's not always easy to let them go. Some of the panel wasn't sure you'd be able to do that. "
• " You do such a great job of getting people to work together, but how well can you lead them when they aren't unified? And will you fire people who aren't working out?"
• " Your emotional intelligence is very high and that's great in the field, but at a VP level it's almost a liability, rather than an asset."

He told me this, and my response was, "are you f#$king with me?  One of them actually said you might have too much emotional intelligence?"

Keep in mind, my friend had laid off a lot reps when the company had downsized and he had hated doing it, but he did it anyway.  Despite his high emotional intelligence, he had made the hard decisions, and he told me that it made the lay-offs easier.  Because without a relationship with his employees it may have become a volatile situation in some cases.

My friend was confused by the answers and the decision but he still has a good job, at a good company and this opportunity may come again soon.  But still it really sends out the wrong message to the field, particularly when a person so well respected, with great numbers, is passed over for a promotion.

So I guess the message he received from this corporate sleight of hand was this:

"Care about your employees but don't care too much."

Have a good day?

A Misconception About Millenials...

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

I met with a long term client yesterday and for the whole day he complained about his work force.  He owns a small tech company, so most of his employees were millenials.  Young people, who were very smart, worked very fast , but also worked very hard.  But he didn't see what I saw. 

He saw, "A bunch of kids trying to get ahead without putting in the time. Just working here until they can put out their own app or start their own company."

"Yes but they can help your company even if they're only here a short time.  Why do you think they want to leave?"

"Because their stupid parents filled them full of pipe dreams about how they can be anything they want to be or start their own company, or be the next Mark Zuckerberg.  They've all watched 'The Social Network', way too many times."

"So you think they all want to start their own company? Is that it?  And why would they want to start their own company?"

"Because they think they know everything and won't listen to a damn thing I say.  They're a bunch of  know it alls and they're straight out of college.  It's annoying."

"So they won't take direction?"

"No I didn't say that. Some of them are very good at taking direction.  In fact Robert, is great!"

"Well what is it?  Do they question your judgment?"

"All the time! It's so annoying.  It's like every assignment we give they have to ask why they're doing it.  They won't just do it without throwing out a ton of questions.  I can be assured that if we implement a change in development, I get about 30 emails asking, 'WHY?' "

" Well, this is the year 2015, and they aren't in the military so people have a tendency to question authority...and also their parents taught them to question everything."

" They shouldn't.  It wasn't that way when I was starting my career at Microsoft."

" Oh my god, now you're starting to sound old.  These damn kids!  I used to commute to work in snow shoes!", I said and just laughed at how absurd it all seemed. Every generation seems to complain about the young people coming up through the work force. Now that's annoying.

" Well not snow shoes, but sometimes snow tires.", he answered and I chuckled a bit.

" Do you wanna know what I think the problem is with your employees?"

" Yes I do.  Please remind me again why I hired you as a consultant?"

" You hired me because I'm good, and your my friend so you're getting friend prices.  Basically you're cheap.  But the problem isn't with your employees, it's with YOU."

" What?!  Are you crazy!  Me?  How could I be the problem?  Can I get my money back please?"

" You're the problem because you aren't trying to work with them.  You're just blowing them off as millenials.  Let me ask you a simple question. Do you like millenials?  Or do you think they're spoiled little brats, who all received participation trophies, and never had it tough like all of the Gen X'ers or even Baby Boomers?  What's the deal?  Are they spoiled?"

" Absofreakinglutely.  They're all spoiled little punks.  Trying to get ahead without actually putting in the work. I started this company after a lot of hard years, putting in long hours and learning the business.  Half these little bastards want to have their own start up before they're even finished with college!"

"Well at least they have goals and dreams.  I didn't know what I wanted to do straight out of college.  I thought it was banking, but here I am working with you and consulting.  And I love it."

" Right now, I don't like your consulting so much, but go on. What do you suggest I do to fix MY problem?"

" Let me ask you something.  If it's not too personal how much did college cost you."

" Well I went to Berkley, so I was maybe $20,000 in debt when I graduated?  What does that have to do with my employee problem?"

" And how long did it take you to buy your first house?  I've known you a long time so I know you have a nice house.  How long did that take."

" 10 years I guess.  Give or take a year.  Again, what does this have to do with my millenials?"

" And how hard was it to get into college, to find a job after school, and start your career?"

" I see where you're going with this crap.  I got very good grades and got hired by Microsoft but it wasn't easy if that's what you're saying. And I worked my butt off to get where I am."

" I never said you didn't.  But I want you to keep in mind how much it cost to graduate from a good school nowadays.  Especially Berkley, and what's the cost of a home in California?"

" The cheapest price for a decent home?  $500,000 probably.  Again, I see where you're going with this and the cost of an education and home has nothing to do with the way my employees act.  This is ridiculous.  Do you have a point here?"

" I do.  Here's my point.  Millenials usually come out of school with a huge debt, and no prospects to buy a home in the next ten years.  So why do they want to make it rich quick with an app or a start up?  Because they're already behind the eight ball.  They are in debt, with a decent paying job, but no chance to pay off their loan in the next ten years and buy a home.  So what choice do they have?  The don't unless you offer them one."

"What do you mean? I'm not paying off anyone's student loans or giving them a down payment on a house.  Screw that!"

" I'm not asking you to do that. That would be stupid.  I'm asking you to give them a chance.  To offer them a future which they can buy into, and that will make them and you more successful.  Do you think Zappos is offering to pay everyone's education or pay for their house?"

"Zappos?  No I'm sure they're not. Is that the shoe place?"

" Yes it's the shoe place.  But what Zappos is offering is a future and a chance for them to have the same opportunities we've had.  Plus Zappos is very interested in their employees contributing to the direction of the company and offering their opinions."

" But we're not Zappos!  We don't have that kind of money."

" You don't have to be Zappos.  You just have to listen and you have to give a damn.  If you show an interest in their future and offer to help, then people won't be as prone to leave and start their own company. If you give a damn, then people will respond and give a damn about your company and do their best to contribute.  The problem is right now your blaming them, when really the only one to blame is yourself.  Remember good leaders take responsibility for everything."

"Oh that's right.  Let's blame me for everything and coddle them just like mommy and daddy. Then I'm stuck with a bunch of overpaid, entitled, cry babies."

" I didn't say coddle them, I just said listen to them, and show you care about their future.  Right now the reason they don't want to stay and they don't want to help is that you're not treating them like people  You're treating them like kids."

"I don't treat them like kids.  I treat them like adults."

"Oh really? I just heard you tell Frank, one of your inside sales guys,  that he should learn to speak more clearly and either take the marbles out of his mouth or go outside and play with them at recess."

"I thought that was funny! I was trying to make a joke."

"Well it came across as demeaning and could be demoralizing to poor Frank.  I heard the other sales people snickering."

"He does speak poorly, like he has gravel in his mouth.  What am I supposed to say?"

"Why did you hire him for inside sales then if he doesn't speak clearly? That's on you dude. And you could call him into the office and have a discussion about speaking slower and more succinctly, instead of making fun of him in front of the other employees.  How would you feel if I made fun of you in front of your employees?"

"That's easy, I would fire you.", he said and then laughed out loud. "No I wouldn't, but again that's funny."

"It is funny.  But not everyone get's your sense of humor and if you're in a position to affect their careers, that can be pretty scary...to them. I know you think they're spoiled but they're not.  They're screwed."

"What? How are they screwed. They make more money than I did straight out of college."

"Oh please! When you graduated, Lincoln was still in office.  With inflation, the cost of education, and the high cost of housing, these kids don't have a future as bright as their parents told them they did. They were told they're great, they're the best, and they're all special.  Well imagine the shock when some of them realize none of that is true.  That they're just normal, everyday people.  They've got a lot of issues to overcome."

"Oh boo hoo, hoo. I feel so sorry that they didn't get all the presents they wanted at Christmas time.  Excuse me if I don't shed a tear that their dreams didn't come true."

"You're a dick. I can tell you that cause I've known you for a long time, but seriously I bet that's what all your employees are thinking.  That you're a dick. And you wonder why they're leaving?   You need to understand that things have changed and that you need to get people to buy in to your vision, in order for your company to be not only successful ...but great."

"I should definitely fire you.  But I'm still listening."

"It's not the same as it was when we were young, and if you want to get the most out of your employees you need to do two things. Number one, you need to care about them, and number two you need to give them a career path.  Especially in the tech industry, otherwise good people will just leave and go somewhere else."

"I have had a lot of turnover in the last year.  It's almost 40%.  I'm not going to change everything, but I do think you may be on to something.  What do you suggest I do, since I'm such a dick?"

"Stop being a jerk, and start caring about your employees.  I know their 'kids', and you think they're spoiled but they're really not.  They're disillusioned, they're over confident, overly skeptical, and in debt.  They don't trust you with their future and right now you're not doing anything to change that.  I would suggest you start by being more supportive and not so demeaning.  Talk to them for god's sake."

He laughed, "Now you're just talking crazy. Actually speak to them?", he said and then we both laughed.

"Yes actually speak to them.  There will be a few who still want to leave and start their own company but if you can keep the rest, and get them to buy in to your vision, then you'll be way ahead of everyone else. "

"Alright I'll give it a shot.  I can't believe I pay you to tell me this crap.  I think you need to give me a discount since all you did was tell me I'm acting like a jerk.  My wife could have told me that."

"Yeah, but she would have have charged you more than I do."

"True."

Have a good day out there and treat everyone with kindness and respect!

Ways To Survive: Practical Advice In An Impractical World

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I've noticed that most of the commonly read posts on LinkedIn focus on how beautiful everything in the work place can be, and that life is filled with candy, popcorn, unicorns, sunshine, and rainbows.  These posts relate how wonderful it is to work with people who are wonderful, and how glorious it is to be alive and what you should do to make your life equally magical, just like the author.

They offer advice about how to tactfully confront your boss and get that promotion you've sought for years.  How to ask for a raise, or what successful people do every single day, and how you can be just as successful as Steve Jobs. Seriously?  How you can increase your bottom line 30% if you just do this one thing the author recommends. Really? Well unless you live in a vacuum, it's not all sunshine and rainbows out there in the business world.  And if someone is preaching that if you do what they suggest, your life will be sunshine and rainbows, well they're full of sh#t.

The business world is cold, dark, damp, and it's wrought with terrors.  It is like a lifelong trip to the NCAA basketball tournament, the FA Cup, the NFL playoffs, or a never ending episode of "Game Of Thrones". Survive and advance.

The most practical advice which anyone can really offer to you is "stay in the game".  Don't let your peers, your manager, or your friends take you out of the game, unless that's what you want. Listed below are 5 ways to keep your head above water and how to survive and with luck, thrive, in today's competitive business climate.

1. Trust No One - People have their own interests at heart.  Gandhi or Jesus are not working alongside of you, so don't think that anyone will support you and sacrifice their own career. If a friend or coworker screws up and asks you to cover for them, don't do it.  Chances are that when management tries to find out what happened, your coworker will blame the mistake on you. If your boss asks you to do something that you know is wrong, you're better off reporting it to HR. Most likely, he/she will point a finger at you if their career is in jeopardy...just read my last post.

2. Avoid Gossip - It is really easy to get drawn into a conversation about people in and around the office, warehouse, station, shop, or any business enterprise.  Listen but don't add fuel to the fire.  No one can get mad at you if you say nothing.  The only thing they can say is you're boring.  I once made an off hand remark at Happy Hour about how my boss was managing the team and what a surprise the next day he called me in to his office and threatened to fire me.  If I had kept my mouth shut, none of that would have happened.

3. Be Prepared...For Anything - I know that people always say be prepared. However I'm saying don't limit yourself to just your job functions. Be aware of all that is going on around you and with your company.  I had a friend who worked for a medical device company for years, and once she found out the company's patents were running out, she prepared herself for the worst; unemployment. She contacted recruiters and fortunately she landed another job before the company laid off 300 people. 

4. Create Allies - It's hard for anyone to be successful by themselves.  Even brilliant inventors like Thomas Edison and Steve Wozniak, needed allies to help them survive.  Choose wisely who you ally yourself with and you may not only survive, but advance in today's competitive marketplace.  Where would Steve Jobs have been with out Steve Wozniak, or Thomas Edison without Edward Hibberd Johnson? Most of you at this point are wondering who the heck is Edward Hibberd Johnson, but that's not the point. Align yourself accordingly to ensure your survival.  

5. Be Invaluable - I once had an employee who took on so much responsibility that my branch couldn't function without her.  I realized immediately that she was not only loyal, but she took on all this extra work for a reason. She could never be fired.  She knew, that if she were irreplaceable than I could never get rid of her. Whether she was a pain in the ass or not, and she was a major pain in the ass.  She did a wonderful job, but she was grumpy all the time, and she clashed with a lot of the employees. Yet she was an integral part of our business and so she survived despite her unruly temper. We address the anger issue and she became well liked and more important, invaluable.

These are just a few tips to help you along the way, but there are many more to come in future posts.  A few of you, might have some of your own to offer.  Experience is a great teacher, and any advice to help all of us along the way will help.  Remember, the road ahead is not always paved with gold, and we all need help to avoid the potholes. 

Have a good day. And stay in the game...

What's Wrong With Me?

Copyright: andreypopov / 123RF Stock Photo

My first job out of college, after a year,  I was fired.  I remember it vividly, because it left an emotional scar on me for the rest of my life. I felt like a complete loser, even though I was fired by the manager because our branch had been audited, she had done something against company policy, and then she had laid the blame on me. I didn't steal any money.  I didn't swindle our customers.  What I did was follow her order, and I held off returning a bounced check from a customer just to make our branch loan numbers and collection numbers look good. She told me it wasn't really wrong, but rather...untimely.

"If they audit us, tell them you left it in your brief case. We won't get into trouble for being absent minded."

She knew this was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, but I wanted to show her I was loyal.  And for my loyalty, she fired me.  The only real thing I had done wrong was trust in her. A common mistake by a new college graduate who assumed everyone in business will do the right thing.  WRONG!

The truth is everyone in business does try to do the right thing...the right thing for themselves, but not necessarily for everyone else. People will serve their own interest because this is what comes naturally.  When confronted with a choice between letting another person go, to save her own butt, she did the right thing...for her.  And she left me with a big professional and emotional scar which obviously I still have, since I'm writing about the incident years later. 

After being fired, I kept thinking, "what's wrong with me? Why did I listen to her when I knew damn well that what she was asking me to do was against policy?  Why did I let myself get pulled into her little scheme to fix the numbers for our branch in order to make her look good." Heck, I was an idealist at the time.  I should have turned her in to corporate immediately.  But I didn't.  Why?

Because what was wrong with me, what is still sometimes wrong with me, is that I acted out of fear.  I did what she asked, because I was afraid she would fire me if I didn't.  Although I protested a few times that I didn't think it was within policy guidelines, I still let her convince me to follow her plan.  I was afraid that I would get fired and yet I was still fired.  But what's even more interesting is that I didn't realize that I was acting out of fear.  I thought I was being loyal.  I wasn't.  I was being a wimp.

Fear is what was wrong with me, and is still wrong with me.  When I let fear influence any decision, I find that my judgment is not always sound.  It is clouded by thoughts of failure, loss, or pain.  Most of the worst business and personal decisions I have made were influenced by fear.  Here's just a few:

• I took a job I hated because I was worried that I wouldn't find a better one, and I would run through my savings.  That was two of the worst years of my life. 
• I stayed with a business partner too long because I was afraid I couldn't run the business on my own.  That partner embezzled money from the business and me.  The business went bankrupt.
• I sold a business that had a lot of potential only to realize later that I was afraid I would not get a sound return on my investment. I missed out on a big opportunity.
• I kept an employee around for too long because I was afraid she would sue the company, and in the end she sued us anyway.  But by then the rest of the staff was upset we hadn't acted earlier.
• I stayed in a relationship too long because I was afraid of being alone.  In the end, I ended up alone anyway.
• I was afraid to get married to someone because I didn't think she was the right person.  Instead, she went and found the person right for her and for years I regretted not marrying her.
• I took a long term lease for way too much money because it was a prime spot in Los Angeles and I was afraid the landlord would lease it to someone else.  That cut into my company's profits for years.

Fear has dictated a lot of my life decisions, but it doesn't have to dictate yours.  When you're faced with a tough decision, take a step back, be objective, and make the best decision even if it hurts.  The pain will be temporary, but your happiness may last a lifetime. 

There may be something wrong with me, but at least I know it's repairable. Have a great day!

What Your Mom and Dad Didn't Tell You About Sales People

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When I was young, my parents would always be nervous whenever their insurance agent, or sales person, would come over to our house.  It was so intense they wanted all of the kids out of the house and they put together a game plan for dealing with Mr. MacDonald who was the insurance agent.  It was as if the devil himself was coming for a visit.

"Okay, don't give him anything but water to drink. No beer.  Next thing you know I'll have a beer and we'll be all chummy and I've signed my life away.", I could hear my dad saying from the kitchen while I hid under the porch, listening.

"Isn't that what he does?  Sells life insurance?", my mom would respond.

"What? Don't confuse the issue.  He's coming because he wants to sell us something and dammit I'm just not gonna let that happen.  Not this time."

"I think he just said he wants to renew the policy is all.  It's been over 5 years."

"Naw, he's gonna increase our rates.  I know it.  Don't ever trust a salesman.  Ever.  They're slick and they're evil."

" His daughters go to school with all of our kids.  He can't be that bad."

" That's what he wants you to think.  That he's just like us.  But he's not.  He's coming here to sell us on some new policy or get us to take more insurance that we don't need.  We have to resist."

" Whatever you say honey.  He seems pretty normal to me."

" Well he's not.  He's the devil."

And this would go on right up until the time that Mr. MacDonald arrived and I would hear them talking from under the porch, with my dad always saying no we don't want that, and then my mother quietly chiming in, and then after an hour or two, Mr. MacDonald would leave and my dad would seems confused and frustrated, but oddly content...with himself.

"I told you he was going to try and sell us something.  New requirements my butt. I taught him thing or two.  Ya can't pull one over on me."

"No you can't honey.  And really all he wanted was for us to renew the policy."

"And that's all he got.  Shifty salesman. Sell your soul for a nickel."

"He always seems nice, and very polite.  He seems like just a normal guy with 3 kids."

"He's not. He's a salesman."

Every meeting with Mr. MacDonald every few years went exactly like this, and each time my father would renew or up his insurance coverage. And of course, he would complain about what a sneaky person Mr. MacDonald was, and how he was taking my parent's money for "doing nothing but sitting behind a desk in his big house on Lake Street. " It was cyclical but it was consistent and I give credit to Mr. MacDonald for being patient and not insulted by father's stand offish demeanor.  He remained polite and pleasant during each meeting with my parents.  My dad would never insult him, but he would never trust him, or so that's how it seemed.  But my dad renewed with him every time, and my father was loyal to a fault, so Mr. MacDonald couldn't have been all that bad...right?

Here's something my parents didn't know about Mr. MacDonald, but I did.  He was a guy just trying to earn a living like everyone else.  No magic, no snake oil, and no mirrors.  Just a nice man attempting to provide for his kids.  And at times it could be hard, just like anyone else in town.

I knew this because I had been in the grocery store one time and saw Mr. MacDonald trying to pay with a check and the store manager refusing to accept the check for payment.

"Your last two checks bounced Bill.  Do you have any cash?"

" I do, but not enough to cover all of this stuff.  You know I'm good for it Ted."

" Sorry Bill, but I need cash for all of it.  Everything okay with Kathy, I know she's been sick. Haven't seen her in the last 6 months.  I heard in and out of the hospital. She doing okay?"

" No she's not Ted.  That's where all the money's going.  She's up at Roswell. Sorry about this, I'll have to put some stuff back.", Mr. MacDonald looked very embarrassed and very sad.  He looked over at me and I looked away.

" No you won't. I'll cover it for today.  You pay me back when you can.  And tell Kathy we're pulling for her."

I thought at that point Mr. MacDonald was going to cry, "I'll pay back every cent when I get my next check Ted.  I'm so sorry."

"We've all got problems Bill.  And we could all use some help at times.  Give her my best."

" Will do.  Thanks again.  See you next week."

I realized at that point that Mr. MacDonald wasn't just a salesman, he was a simple man with problems just like the rest of us.  Yes he had a big house, and a big car, but he also had a wife in the hospital, and the bills were obviously piling up.  My mom and dad didn't see all that, and I felt like telling them about what I'd witnessed when I returned home, but it didn't seem appropriate.  I felt like it was too private a moment for me to share about Mr. MacDonald.  I never mentioned it to anyone until now.

What my parents and your parents never told you about sales people is that they are simply human beings.

Trying to make it through life like the rest of us, one day at a time.

Can You Live Without Your Cell Phone?

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As an experiment, I tried the other day to go one business day without my cell phone.  I figured one day was as long as I wanted to be disconnected from the world, but some people suggested that I try it for a week.  Keep in mind most of those people were over 60 years old, and hadn't developed the same dependency as most of us have on our smart phones.  I heard some crazy ideas from some crazy people.  Here's an excerpt from a conversation with my uncle.

"You can't get love from an iPhone"
" What about Tinder?"
" What's that? Tinder? Is it some kind of fire starting thingy?"
" You could say that."
" Why do you have to have that damn phone all the time anyway?"
" So people can contact me."
" Can't they call your office?"
" Yes but I'm rarely in my office. So it wouldn't make sense."
" Well maybe you should spend more time in your office."
" Yeah that'll solve the problem."
" Well if you don't like what you hear, don't ask!"
" I won't anymore."
" Well you're an ungrateful SOB."
" Yep and that's pretty sad."
" What's so sad about it?"
" Cause you're my favorite uncle."

Following a few more odd conversations with even less technically savvy people, I was very reluctant to try and go a day without using my phone.  In fact, I was freaking out!  I had a whole list of concerns:

1. How will anyone contact me? - I have many family members, relatives, friends, customers and they call me everyday, or send texts, or emails.  Therefore, how would they react without hearing from me instantly? Would they feel ignored and resent me?  Could our relationship survive a day without contact?
2. What if a customer has a crisis? - I don't work as a doctor so no one was going to die if they didn't contact me, but I still had clients that might need a quick consult on an issue with an employee. And how would they get ahold of me?  Would they be able to wait a day?
3. How will I know how to get where I'm going? - I drive a lot every day. And I have become so reliant on Google Maps that even though I know every area of the city of Los Angeles, I still feel like having Maps on is a nice security blanket. What am I suppose to use?  A Thomas Guide? Where would I even buy one?
4. What if I have a medical emergency? - I'm pretty healthy.  I exercise just about every day and my family does not have a history of heart disease, but what if I have an aneurysm or heart attack or something?  How will I get medical attention quickly?
5. What if my friends are sending me an IM? - How can I miss out on all the bad inside jokes between my group of friends?  Will I be ostracized?  Will they not include me anymore?
6. How can I go a day without facebook? - I receive so many messages and updates from my friends, that going an entire day without logging on to fb would be a social catastrophe. How would I know where my friends were eating or what their kids were doing?  Or worse, if they had a photo of them I wanted to mock, where could I direct my sarcasm?
7. Will I survive an entire day without Game of War, Angry Birds, or Words With Friends? - I can go a day without talking to clients or friends...I think.  But not being allowed to play my favorite games instantly, could be soul crushing.
8. How can I make it through a whole day without texting? - Forget about phone calls, those take up a lot of time and thought.  What am I going to do if I can't send a text?  Someone will find me on a street corner babbling to myself.  I will be a social pariah!
9. If I see something spectacular how will I remember it? - I don't know about you but I need a record of everything I've ever done. So if I see a leprechaun, or a man walk on water, how am I going to share that memory? I won't have video or a photo of it. I'll have to keep it in my head!
10. What if I need to call my mom? - I don't speak to my mom as often as I used to, and probably because she doesn't use her cell phone, unless it's an emergency.  So she doesn't use it all really.  But if I needed to talk to her or consult her while I'm out in the big city, how do I get in touch with her.  I would feel like an orphan.

I have not listed all my concerns, which would have taken several hours, but these were in the top ten.  I know it was only a day, and I wasn't totally denying myself computer access or anything like that, so I figured, this would be pretty easy.  In fact, then I got really brave and made another contingency, that I wouldn't use my computer from 8 am until 8 pm.  I was going to really "rough it" like pioneers way back in the 1980's! So I prepared for bed that night, without using my phone as an alarm clock. That was weird. And I drifted restlessly off to something resembling sleep because I was worried I wouldn't wake up on time...even though I rise at the same time everyday with or without the alarm.

Here is a diary of how the day went:

6:45 am - 7:00 am - I rose as usual exactly at this time and looked for my cell phone.  Which I realized I had put inside a watch box in another room.  I felt okay, no need to worry, I would check my emails after coffee
7:00 am - 8:00 am - Since I was basically freaked out to be out of contact with the world I hopped on my computer for an hour, check all my emails, my facebook page, and perused different sites for a while. I then worked on a few projects, and I was finished just before 8 am.
8:00 am - 8:20 am - I showered, dressed, and got ready for my appointments.  I was feeling pretty confident that I could get through the day without incident.  I was feeling very cocky at this point. I thought of other things and forgot all about my little "experiment".
8:20 am - 8:30 am - Subconsciously started looking for my phone before I headed out.  Couldn't figure out where I had put it, and then realized I wasn't supposed to be taking it with me. Felt like an idiot as I walked out the door.
8:30 am - 9:00 am- Drove to client's offices without a problem.  This seemed to be getting easier. But my hands were twitching for a phone at each intersection, wondering if I was going the right way. I thought at one point about using the compass app on my phone but then realized I didn't have my damn phone!
9:00 am - 10:30 am - Met with my clients, who know that I am old school and use a paper day planner in addition to my phone calendar.  They kept asking, "Are you going to remember this? We'll send a meeting request to your phone.  Wait where is your phone?"  I told them I forgot it, which they seem to buy as an excuse, but not before adding, "Oh god, I would die without my cell phone!"
10:30 am - 11:00 am - Took another drive to a familiar client, but this time I got crossed up on the off ramps from the freeway.  In Los Angeles, if you don't take the right off ramp, at the right time, you can get stuck in a maze of streets trying to get back on the freeway.  I did and I was frustrated for a few minutes but remembered from my years as a courier the way back to the freeway.  I made it just in time the appointment.
11:00 am - 12:30 pm - I met with one of my most loyal clients who was having trouble identifying candidates for his team.  He had just turned over two people and I reached in my pocket for my cell phone to post a job for him online, and realized I had no cell phone. I just had laugh.
"What's so funny?", the owner asked.
"Oh nothing.  I forgot my cell phone.", I said.
"I don't think I could function without my phone. Damn you must be going crazy!"
"Not yet, but I'm getting there. I'll manage.  Hey it's only for one day right?"
"You don't sound that convinced."
"I'm not.", I added and then we both laughed.
12:30 pm - 1:30 pm - I had lunch with the same client and I told him about my little experiment.  He found it amusing. The problem was that during our conversation he kept looking at either emails or texts on his cell phone, which made me feel awkward without my phone, and also upset me because he didn't feel engaged in our conversation.  I had to keep myself constrained. He even took a call at one point which previously had never bothered me, but today was pissing me off. I had this impulse to grab his phone and throw it across the restaurant, hoping it would land in a bowl of soup. Fortunately, I repressed that impulse and made it through the lunch without an incident.
1:30 pm - 2:30 pm - I had a long commute to my next appointment which was way down south in Orange County.  Which actually isn't that far south from LA but it takes a long time if you're driving on the freeway.  Since I had an hour to reflect on my day and how it was going, I started to get paranoid.  I felt like I needed to contact my office to see if there were any messages for me, and then I was wondering about the mountain of emails piling up in my inbox, or the attendee lists for my next seminar.  Did we oversell the event?  There were going to be a lot of upset people if we oversold.  As the hour commute passed, I felt like I should call the office when I got to my next appointment.  In fact, I felt HAD TO call the office because I was feeling a good and bad disconnect from my business world.  Good because I felt free of burden, and then bad because I had an overwhelming sense that everything was going wrong in my absence.  Which was stupid because I had great people on my team and the business could easily function without me being present. 
2:15 pm - 2:30 pm - I made it early to my next appointment and asked if I could use a phone to contact my office.  When I called, they put me right through to our Marketing Director.
"Oh my god.  I'm so glad you called. We have a huge problem."
"Oh no.  What is it?"
"Well for our upcoming seminar we oversold the venue.  We have a lot of angry emails from customers."
" Well that's happen before."
" No it's worse.  The venue says they double booked our event with another one and they need us to cancel."
Okay now I was panicked. "What!  You tell those bastards they can't do that to us?  We do a lot of business there.  What the heck is wrong with them."
" They want you to call them asap.  Do you have your phone? I'll give you the number."
" I left it at home and you know that. But give me the number anyway. I'll call from here."
" Oh that's right, I forgot about your little experiment.  Okay here's the number are you ready."
" Yep."
" It's 1-8-0-0-G-O-T-C-H-A." she said and then started snickering over the line.
" I got it.  1-8-0-0-G-O-T-C-H-A. I'll call them right...you son of a bitch. Very funny."
" What did you think the world would crash if you didn't have your cell phone?"
" Maybe?  I was just checking in is all.  Is there really a problem with the venue?"
" Yeah but I took care of it.  No worries.  They did double book, but they made the other company reschedule.  I really had you going didn't I?"
" Absolutely.  So were all good for the seminar?"
" Yep we're good.  You trained us to think and act on our own, so don't worry so much.  We got it covered."

I hung up the phone.  Went in to my appointment and felt pretty confident in my team and my business.  She was right, I had trained them to think and act on their own, so they could handle any crisis.

2:30 pm - 4:00 pm - I met with another long time customer and we chatted mostly about his family.  Issues with his kids and grand kids.  Like I said, it was a long time customer.  He was adding a few more reps and decreasing the size of the sales territories.  Again, I caught myself reaching for my phone when he asked how far it was from Los Angeles to San Luis Obispo. 
"Maybe you can check it on your computer?"
"Sure. I called you earlier today.  Did you get my voicemail?"
"I didn't bring my phone with me today."
"What? Who doesn't bring their cell phone with them to work?"
"Apparently, an idiot, like me. What was the voicemail?"
"Oh nothing big, I wanted to push back our meeting 15 minutes.  No worries."

And that was all he really had to say, "no worries". The rest of the meeting went off without a hitch.  We scheduled a follow up meeting for the next week, and I told him I would map out the best territory break down, based upon the prospects in each territory. 

4:00 pm - 5:00 pm - I drove home, ran into some traffic and could have used an app to get around it, which turned a 30 minute drive into an hour.  However, in Los Angeles there often isn't a way around traffic, you just have deal with it, so maybe even Waze would not have reduced my drive time. When I got home, I wanted to call the office to check voicemails and messages, but realized I don't even have a home phone, plus I couldn't use my computer, or anyone else's cell phone.  Moreover, I couldn't look up where there were pay phones near me, since I didn't have my smart phone to utilize an app.

5:00 pm - 5:30 pm - I drove to the nearest gas station and found a pay phone.  I called in and there were a few voicemails but nothing too serious.  Nothing that couldn't wait til tomorrow to address.  As I was driving home from the station, I was thinking someone should develop an app to find a pay phone in case your smart phone is broken.  But then I thought, "wait if your phone is broken how are you going to use the app to find the pay phone?"  And then I thought, "wait if I go back in a time machine will I meet my younger self, like in X Men?"  And then I determined not to think about such complicated matters like time travel and phone apps for broken phones.

5:30 pm - 7:45 pm - I had dinner and actually spent some quality time with my family.  It was nice not to have to think about work stuff, which is normally running through my head at all times.  And although I wasn't checking my phone every 5 minutes, other people were, which began to annoy me.  I don't know why but I was offended by their lack of attention.  It finally got to the point where I said, "please put the damn phone down and listen for 2 seconds." This seemed to work and we interacted like people used to do way back in the 90's.  It was kind of nice and somewhat nostalgic.

7:45 pm - 8:00 pm - I sat and looked at the clock, and I was "jonesing" to get on my computer to check my emails.  I was like a crack addict who hadn't had a hit for months.  I had felt so disconnected all day, and I was craving to be reconnected with society.  As the clock struck 8 pm, I jumped online and checked my emails expecting to see something urgent.  A problem that needed to be resolved right away by only me.  With a phone call or email I would work diligently to save the day, but instead I found a lot of FYI emails and nothing urgent.  I felt so empty and useless.  Everything had gone on fine without me.  The world had not imploded.  None of my friends had even noticed I wasn't tweeting or sending facebook updates or emailing them.  None of my customers had suffered a crisis that I needed to fix in an instant.  The world without my online interactions had gone along as normal. 

For a few moments I felt very small and insignificant, and then my phone buzzed with a text message. After more than 12 hours of being without my smart phone, I looked down to find a slew of text messages and IMs.  Suddenly, I was back in the fold.  I was a member of society again, and as I read through the messages, for the next few hours I wrapped myself up in a warm cellular blanket, until I fell asleep with my phone on the pillow next to me.

The world could easily get along without me, but I could not easily get along without the world...or my cell phone.

I Have No Control Over Anything!

Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

Yesterday, I had a very close friend complain to me about her new job.  Her new job which was paying her a much higher salary than she made in her last job, that was giving her a sizable car allowance, and that was allowing her to take a week off with pay, just a month after starting.  I know what you're thinking and it's the same thing I was thinking, "WTF is your problem? Most people would kill for a job like that!" 

And yet, we often become so fat and happy with our lives that we expect too much. We complain too much.  We make ourselves feel like victims when in fact nothing could be further from the truth.  Where else but in America can you get paid a lot of money, receive allowance for your car, reimbursement for your phone, expenses for meals, expenses for trips, a week of vacation, and still feel like you have a right to complain.  Why? Because the cafeteria stopped serving filet mignon for lunch? Get a grip people!  There are plenty of qualified, educated people, living in 3rd world countries who would jump at the chance for your job.  Appreciate what you have please...before it's gone.

I was kind of irked by her sense of entitlement so I asked her, "What is your problem?  Didn't you want this job?  Isn't it a lot more money. "

"I did, but it's not always about the money. I wasn't expecting them to be putting so much on my shoulders so soon.  I barely know the products and they're asking me to educate customers. How can I teach someone about something I barely know myself."

"So tell them you're not ready."

"I can't do that.  I'm too new.  They'll fire me."

"What do you mean you can't do that?  Yes you can."

"No I can't.  They won't understand and they keep making these appointments for me, and I'm still in school for my MBA, and all this stuff is piling up on top of me.  I can't deal with all this pressure."

"Who's putting pressure on you?  Your boss."

" No.  Well a little, but he keeps making these appointments and I'm just not ready.  I feel like I have no control over my life now, whereas before I did.  I felt more in control."

" Can't you tell him to stop making appointments for you until you know the products inside and out? And then let you make the appointments yourself?"

" No.  He wouldn't understand.  Besides, I'm new and they can just fire me in the first 90 days anyway.  I don't want to get fired."

" Why would they fire you?  They just hired you.  They don't want to waste money on their investment.  They've invested in you, so they have confidence in you."

" But I'm drowning right now and I have no control over anything!  Not my life, not my job. It's like I'm sinking."

"So save yourself."

" That's easy for you to say.  You're not in my position.  Why do people always think they know what's best for me. You don't know anything, you're just a consultant.  That's what you do all day....consult.  I'm not one of your stupid customers, so stop consulting and just be my friend.  What should I do?"

" Wow! That was pretty harsh.  Well here's something else that's harsh and I'm gonna give you some tough love.  Stop saying you have no control when you do.  You can say "no' to all those appointments."

" No I can't."

" That's BS. You just did!  You have the ability to say 'no' but you just won't say 'no'.  Why?  Because you're afraid.  Well the worse decisions you can make are out of fear.  And if you never say 'no' you will never have control.  You want to take control of your job and your life.  Stop being a victim and learn to tell your boss 'no'.  Try not to let them dictate the course of your life all the time. Otherwise you're setting a precedent for the rest of your career." 

" How the heck and I'm going to tell him 'no' when I'm so new.  That's easier said then done."

" Explain exactly how you feel and don't literally say 'no' but tell him that you don't want to be at a disadvantage in the calls when you don't know all the products.  Ask him to help you along til you feel comfortable. He's got to invest some time in you, to make both of you successful."

" He'll think I'm being too needy.  He wants us to be autonomous and independent.  He used those two words exactly."

" Then tell him you want the same things because that's exactly what you DO want.  You want to be in control, but unless your trained until you feel comfortable then you'll never be autonomous.  You both want the same thing, you're just not there yet."

" That's true.  I do want him to let me just do my job?  And he wants the same thing it's just that I'm not ready yet.  Hmmm sometimes I think you actually do know what the hell you're talking about?"

I laughed, "You do have some control over your job and your life, you just don't know it. Stop being the victim and start being the victor."

"Do I have to pay you for that consult?"

"No just buy me lunch."  

"No!", she said loudly, forcefully, and then she smiled, "Just practicing."