Now before I get a bunch of comments from people who actually do these jobs, I just want to state that this is my preference not to perform these tasks. In addition in order for me to get a bunch a comments that would also require a bunch of followers of which I have....wait for it....2. And they don't comment so here were go! These are jobs that despite desperate conditions in our "New Economy", I could not perform, even inadequately.
5.) Porn Star "Fluffer"- In spite of my physical appearance, I'm not sure I could get either women or gay men who star in porn "aroused". First of all, if I took off my shirt, the ivory complexion of my skin is far too brilliant for most people to look at without Blu Blocker Sunglasses, and so they might go blind, but would not be "turned on". In addition, if I had to talk to them, that would make it difficult as well because I have been told I'm a better lover with my mouth closed. And lastly, I don't like gay porn that much, so I just wouldn't be that motivated, and I'm sure the porn stars wouldn't be either.
4.) Male Prostitute - Although I've been told many times that I have the "goods" to be a great male prostitute, I've never thought this job would be appealing. And by "goods", I believe they meant I am a man, and I have genitalia, nothing more...literally. The show "Hung" on HBO has done a wonderful job of romanticizing this type of employment because in it the lead character is a part time male prostitute. And as a prostitute he seems to sleep with the most beautiful women in Detroit where the show is set. Are there really that many good looking, wealthy, women in Detroit? The reality is that most of the time your sleeping with someone who is not attractive, not good in bed, and probably asking you to do things like barking like a dog, or putting things in places there not supposed to go. "You want me to do what with the Gouda?". I say if this is offered to you - pass
3.) Sewing Machine Operator - This is one of the jobs that has been listed for a long time as one of the worst jobs in history. Since the 1910's, garment workers have been used and abused by factory owners and nowadays it is no different. If you go to Vernon CA, the heart of the garment district in Los Angeles, you'll see hundreds of illegal immigrants,from various countries, working in below minimum wage jobs to help support their families either overseas or in Latin America. I couldn't do this job for a variety of reasons, but number one - I'm tall, geeky, and I look like an American so if you're an owner, operating outside the guidelines of the labor laws, you probably wouldn't want to hire me. Secondly I have big hands and I can't thread a needle very well, and lastly the only thing I've ever helped to sew was a crushed velour sweat suit for myself when I was a kid. It was purple and it was so cool...for Prince, or a 70 year old!
2.) Cowboy - Although this job seems romantic and incredibly appealing it is a lot of work for very little pay. Cowboys are not as well compensated as some people might think and the loneliness of the trail is not for me. Who wants to be riding for days or months on end with nothing but men? Unless you're a gay porn "fluffer" this job does not sound that appealing. Oh yeah you get to commune with nature all day long, and bond with other guys but after a week, I would be wanting to just stop on a Monday night, pick up a bottle of wine, and watch the "Bachelor" (God I'm so glad Brad sent Michelle home). Moreover, I'm bowlegged and riding a horse would probably enhance this condition so I wouldn't want to end my days walking around like Ron Artest. John Wayne made this job seem incredible but it's lost it's luster for me.
1.) Janitorial Service for a Strip Club - I've cleaned bathrooms since I was a kid. That was my daily chore as part of a big family. And when I was a partner in nightclub I cleaned the bathrooms daily because no one else would and we couldn't afford a cleaning service. But I could not do this job. I worked in the linen industry for a while and we handled a chain of strip clubs, and the things I would see early in the morning would completely gross me out. In my current job, I see bodily fluids in hospitals all day, but in a strip club it's a different story. People in hospitals don't want to share there bodily fluids with other people, it's just a by product of their conditions. However in strip clubs there's fluid flying everywhere; sweat, blood, semen...you get the picture. Some strip clubs double as whore houses so this is a great place to involuntarily pick up some disease as well, or run into celebrities like Nicolas Cage or Charlie Sheen. Yes this did happen to me once in a club in North Hollywood but neither of the guys was carrying a briefcase full of cocaine. But that's a story for another post. The pay is low, the lighting's low, and you never know what you're gonna pick up off the floor: I'll pass on this one.
If you can handle any one of these jobs, more power to you, but I would pass on all of these positions, and just brush up my Career Builder resume. Have a great day and be thankful for what you have and for what you do!
-M
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