I've heard that women sales reps get accosted all the time by potential or existing customers, but I've never had this happened to me...until recently. I don't understand how women can deal with sleazy doctors, lawyers, customers, mechanics, or midget butchers hitting on them when they go into accounts. Until yesterday.
I was visiting an account for rounds with a nurse director and she and I were having a good time as usual. Her name was Emily and she was a very pretty woman, in her mid thirties, with a great sense of humor and very smart. We finished our rounds fairly early and then she pulled me into her office.
"I really like your product, but I'm more interested in you. What are you up to tonight?", she said politely as if we were just having a casual conversation.
" Uh, this is a little awkward, but I'm busy.", I wasn't but I lied.
" Listen. You and I have been rounding and flirting now for months. You find me attractive don't you?"
I did. I had to admit she was a very attractive older woman, and if I was still a horny young man, I would be totally excited she was asking me to go out on the town. But as an older man, I felt a little bit weird about the entire situation. I tried to deflect the question.
"Of course you're attractive, but what does that have to do with our business relationship."
" Well, if you find me attractive and I find you attractive who cares about the business relationship. We're just two people having a good time together. We should go out for drinks after work. C'mon it'll be fun! I'll pay that way you won't get in trouble."
What's odd is I could see her point. If we in fact were attracted to each other, I thought why not meet her for drinks, but then I realized this was just a recipe for a big bowl of Trouble Stew.
"I'm flattered, and you are very attractive, but I don't want to lose my job.", I answered and I was serious. This was definitely one of those situations that would put my job in jeopardy.
" What? You think I don't know that. But who's gonna know? I'm not going to tell anyone. Are you?", she said and started moving towards me with the look a fat kid gives to a candy bar. I backed up instinctively.
" It's not that. Someone could see us out together and automatically assume the wrong thing.", I said and kept backing towards the door.
" If you ask me, they can assume all they want, but it's not the wrong thing. It's definitely the right thing!", she said with enthusiasm and I could sense that her hunger for "candy", meaning me, was not going to be satisfied til she had me.
" Uh, this is getting weird. I thought you were buying our stuff because it works. Not because of me."
" You're product works great but I just like seeing your ass everyday. I love those pants.", she said and smacked me on the butt. I jumped like a frightened cat. She smiled.
" Emily, I don't think this is gonna work. I like you and all but I can not only lose my job but ruin my career. I should go." I said and I reached for the door but she leaped in front of me.
" Oh no you don't. You're not leaving just yet. I wanna show you something.", and with that she promptly removed her top. She was wearing a pretty black bra underneath. I backed away from the door to give her room to do whatever else she was planning to do.
"What do you think?", she said looking down at her breasts.
" That bra is really pretty.", I answered, by this time I'm sure my face was flushed red.
" Not the bra you idiot. These!", she said and cupped her breasts, "They're nice huh? Not bad for a 30 something woman. Of course their fake but they're great!"
I had to admit they were spectacular, and it was obvious she was in great shape. So here I had a beautiful woman in only her scrub bottoms and a bra, standing in front of me, wanting me to accost her. Believe it or not, I didn't know what to say. Part of me was rising to the occassion while the other part of me was trying to resist. I had to think of something fast.
"I can see that part of you likes it." , she said and looked at my pants, "Wow. That's impressive."
My body was obviously not listening to my head in this situation. I laughed a little bit, trying to buy some time and amuse her.
"Ah that happens all the time. Especially this time of day.", I said and laughed again.
"Really?", she said and moved towards me, "And I thought it was all because of me.". She moved slowly with a sheepish grin on her face and her eyes were locked with mine. She was moving in for the kill and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to resist. It had been months since my last relationship and I hadn't been with a woman for quite a while. And now here was a lovely woman in front of me, wearing a bra, and ready to pounce. My resistance was starting to wain. Her perfume, her bra and her beauty were starting to get the best of me, and as she moved closer to kiss me only one thought went through my head. "You're fired!" I heard my boss say this loudly and I snapped back to reality. I slid under her and moved away.
"Playing hard to get huh? I like that she said with a smile." and she moved towards me again.
I had to think of something, anything to get out of the situation. And then suddenly it came to me in an instant. As she was moving in again, with my resistance down, and my desires up, and just as she was about to kiss me, I blurted it out.
"Emily, I'm gay.", I lied.
Her head snapped back and she looked at me, "What?!"
" I'm gay. That's why I can't go out with you. I didn't want to say anything. It's kind of embarrassing for me.", I said and looked down at the ground.
She looked down at my pants, "Uh...that is not how a gay man reacts to a woman."
" I was looking at the picture behind you.", I said. Her head turned and a semi-erotic photo of a nude man was hanging on the wall behind her. She turned back and looked at me. I looked down at the ground again.
"That's a Robert Mapplethorpe photo isn't it?"" Oh my god you are gay!", she nearly shouted. "Now it all makes sense. No wonder I like you so much. I'm kind of a fag hag.", she said and began laughing. I laughed awkwardly with her and as I did, the sexual pressure and tension were now gone from the conversation.
" You're a fag hag?", I said acting surprised because I was surprised.
" Oh yeah. For years now. And I've always liked gay guys. Oh this completely makes sense. ", she said and she started looking for her top.
" You're not upset?", I asked finding her top and handing it to her.
" Upset? No not at all. This happens to me all the time. I'm always falling for gay guys.
At that time, I began to question my own masculinity. Did I dress gay? Did I carry myself like a gay guy? Was I too metrosexual? All these questions popped into my head. But I stayed the course .
"Oh well that's a relief. I'm glad you're not upset."
" Not in the least. In fact I'm flattered that you at least seemed aroused."
" You won't tell anyone will you? People are weird about that stuff", I said.
" Nah, your secret's safe with me."
" And what about my business? Is my business safe with you?"
" Oh yeah that's safe too. Don't worry at least now I have someone to go shopping with me. ", she said with a smile and started laughing.
" I can do that.", I said with a smile of relief. Now I just need to figure out how to dress more fashionably.
-M
