Why People Don't Like the Gym

For years I've been going to the gym, to relieve stress, and stay in shape. My family has a history of high blood pressure and to avoid the same physical issues, I try to work out at least every other day. However, I really don't like the whole gym experience. And after speaking to a bunch of friends and fellow sales reps, I now understand why P90X and other home workout DVDs are so popular. People don't really enjoy going to the gym. And here's a few reasons why:

1. The Smells - No matter what you do, the smell in a crowded gym can be utterly disgusting. Personally, I like the smell of stale sweat because it reminds me I am going to put in a good work out. However quite often it doesn't smell like stale sweat, it smells like stale vegetables, or in some gyms, I picture wheels of cheese sweating on treadmills. In addition, some of the worst aromas are those of the other patrons. Guys and girls wearing cologne or perfume to the gym? Really? This isn't a night club and it isn't the 1980's. I don't see Jamie Lee Curtis around trying to be "Perfect". Lose the cologne "Romeo".

And there's nothing like getting on a machine after a guy who hasn't bathed in a year uses it. It literally smells like an unchanged kitty litter box. (Why would I know what this smells like?) I literally have to disinfect the every part of it before I start my workout. Or sometimes I just don't use that machine at all.

One time, I started to get on a machine and it smelled like the person must've had an "accident", or farted after getting off the machine. "Thanks for the gift, fellow gym member" =)

2. The Muscle Heads - You see these guys at every gym, especially like a Golds Gym or private gym. And now they're even more popular because of shows like "The Jersey Shore". They're the meatheads who work out daily, drink protein shakes, and generally make a lot of noise while they're working out. They check themselves out in the mirror a lot, and always, always, always, drop the weight so every one can see how much they're lifting. They have loads of "bacne", their hair is blown out or their head is shaved, they have lots of bad tatoos (DC Logo on their arm), and sometimes they even have a little groupie girl with them who's just as "swoll", but she has more facial hair then any member of their clan.

One time at my gym I went to use a weight machine after one of these guys and he was grunting loudly because he was pushing a lot of weight. I didn't change the weight and did my reps quickly. After I got off he said, "Wow you press that much? We should work out sometime?"

I responded and loudly, "Sorry dude, I can't hear anything with these headphones on. Have a good workout."

I never want to be a contributing member of that club.

3. The Pick Up Guy - There are usually a few of these at every gym. And these dudes are the reason a lot of women hate going to the gym. For some reason no one ever gave these guys the memo that it's a gym not a bar. And since the women are sober there is no chance they even want to talk to you, let alone drop their digits in a your hand. But these men are persistent. I have two of these guys in my gym and one day I forgot my headphones so I was overheard one of these dudes making his "play" for a pretty girl while I was on the elliptical. The two of them were stretching in front of me in this open area near the machines.

Pick Up Guy - "Do you mind if I use that mat next to you?"
Pretty Girl - "No not at all"
Pick Up Guy - "I'm come here all the time. I never seen you here before?"
Pretty Girl - "Oh I just moved here from Texas."
Pick Up Guy - "Really? That's quite a move. Are you a model or an actress."
Pretty Girl - "Oh I just moved here to go to school."
Pick Up Guy - "Nice. It's just you're so beautiful I thought you had to be a model."
Pretty Girl - "Well thank you I'm not. But that's very nice of you to say."
Pick Up Guy - "Well I hope you like it here. I have once question to ask you, did it hurt. "
Pretty Girl - "Did what hurt? My workout?"
Pick Up Guy - "No. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven. Cause you look like an angel." (At this point I am laughing out loud)
Pretty Girl - "Hahaha. Uh yeah that's awkward...Uh I'm gonna go work out now."
Pick Up Guy - "Okay. See you around."

Now I know why women don't like the gym. All that testosterone floating around someone is bound to hit on you even if you're wearing headphones, an overcoat, and a ski mask. The Pick Up Guy will always find you and make his pass.

4. The Fit Cougar - These are usually recently divorced older ladies who probably met there ex-husband in a gym and are looking for fresh "meat". They are always wearing make up, not a lot, but enough to attract a Muscle Head, or the Pick Up Guy, to their watering hole. They are in really great shape, and generally are just there to meet their next date/victim. Sometimes this species even has a little playmate with them, a younger dude who is in good shape but probably social inept. He hooks up with Cougars because he can't get anyone else,and for a Cougar he's easy prey.

These ladies are single and ready to wrestle not mingle. And they are very protective of their territory. They hiss at the younger girls who get near their machines. And if you pass by them, they might just purr at you to attract your attention. I try to avoid them but the Pick Up Guy and Muscle Head love these ladies.

5. The Overly Enthusiastic Trainer - These people are in such good shape and so "pumped" it makes you ill. They push everyone really hard to be in the best shape of their lives and everybody in the gym has to hear it. The other day I was wearing my headphones and cranking a Nine Inch Nails song and I could still hear the trainer barking out the reps for a Fit Cougar. If I can hear someone over headphones that's just too loud. I wish these people would tone it down just a bit. They're training one person, or a class, not the whole gym.

This is all I have time for today. More in the next post. Have a good day selling!

-M

" I'm Out To Lunch "

I get so frustrated some times with this job, especially when dealing with small accounts. It's the small accounts that I find the most difficult to deal with in most sales jobs. Why? Because they have a lot of the same things in common:

1.) They're cheap-These people would recycle toilet paper if it would save them money.
2.) They think they should be treated like a big account - Why do the little guys/girls always think they matter more to you than your sanity?
3.) They're cheap - They eat dinner at Rescue Missions because they're too cheap to buy food.
4.) The owner has stayed in business by "nickel and diming" vendors - These are the type of people that clean up at yard sales. "Heh I'll give you a dollar for that dining room set."
5.) They're cheap - They own a Rollex watch they got from "my guy", not an actual Rolex.
6.) The owners usually have this over inflated self worth - These people always think they're the shit. They may not boast, they may not brag, but believe me, they think they're better than any "cheap salesperson". To them you're dirt.

So today, on the recommendation of a fellow customer, I go into this "establishment", for the 3rd time, hoping to set up an appointment with the Director of Nursing. Mind you, this is a place that deals with one of my biggest customers who are recommending that I help educate their staff. I'm not going to receive very many sales from this place, but I'm going there to improve the relationship with on of my largest accounts.

Now keep in mind I have been there on two other occasions, made two phone calls and sent an email to this person to set an appointment. And I have received no response. I walk in for the 3rd time and as usual, there is an empty reception desk in the front room and so I venture towards the back of the office. A man named "Jack" approaches me as if I'm a representative from a government agency trying to shut him down. He looks scared.

"Uh how can I help you sir?", he asks.

" Oh my name is M, and I'm with __________", I respond and hand him my card. He reads the card and his expression changes almost immediately. He looks relieved at first, and then irritated.
"I'm here to see Joan. Michelle from __________recommended I set up an educational luncheon for the staff.", I state matter of factly.

He still looks irritated, " Oh wait here. ", he says and then walks into an office with an large window and an open door. I can see everything happening through the large window. He whispers to a woman, who looks at me then at the card and then at me again.

"Tell him I'm at lunch.", she says to him, clearly audible to me. He comes out of her office, walks over to me, and hands me back my card.

"She's at lunch.", he says.

" Yeah I heard.", is my response. "I'm sorry but ___________, has asked me to come on their behalf to offer an educational luncheon for the staff. Who do I set that up through anyway?", I asked.

"Joan of course.", he answers as if I'm stupid for asking that question.

" I said I'm at lunch." , Joan shouts from her office.

" Okay " I answer loud enough for her to hear.

"She's at lunch", Jack says to me, still looking put out by my visit, "You need to call first. You can't just drop by the office."

" I've been by 2 times before and I have called, and I've left an email. Here's my card just tell her to call me if she feels like it. Otherwise I'll stop wasting both my time and hers. ", I said and this time I was a little irritated.

" I'm at lunch!", Joan shouts again from the office as if I should leave because she's shouting at me now. I ignore her completely and focus on Jack.

" Well, you should call first.", Jack said again repeating himself and sounding like an idiot.

"Right, you said that already and I told you I did call on several occasions. Look I'm only doing this for every one's benefit. So tell her to call if she wants to, otherwise tell her to enjoy her lunch."

He stepped back for minute looked at me, kind of surprised by my response and just said, "Uh okay."

"I'm still eating lunch!", Joan shouted again and I could see directly into her office where she was looking at a computer and nibbling on a carrot stick.

" Got it!", I shouted back and I turned to leave. As I was about to walk out the door, I don't know why I said this, but I mumbled to myself, "I hope you choke on it."

" What was that?", Jack asked me, knowing I had said something sarcastic.

"Have a nice day." I said, smiled and walked out the door.

I never went back, I never called, I never emailed that account again. If a customer isn't willing to return your phone calls, or even set an appointment after 3 tries, they're out. Time for me "Cut bait" and go fishing elsewhere. A salesperson's time is way too valuable to waste.

-M

"Dr. Would You Like a Mint?"

In any type of sales whether it be medical, financial, auto parts, or copier sales, you come across some people who have questionable hygiene practices. People who might brush their teeth with "buffalo chips", bathe in vinegar, or perhaps use mozzarella as under arm deodorant. People who make it difficult for you to stand near them let alone have a detailed conversation about their needs.

A few months back I was attending a symposium and one of the keynote speakers stopped by our little table to discuss some of our products. The other rep who was there began speaking with him and I listened in for a few seconds and then caught a whiff of his breath, which made my eyes water. My partner was far braver than I and hung in there to discuss how our products could help his patients. I stood, at a distance, and waited for her defense to wither and when I saw her wobble a bit, I stepped in again and faced the fetid storm. However, I had a strategy.

As the doctor spoke about his practice and what he was doing, I tried to breathe through my mouth instead of my nose. This seemed to work, and for a time I was able to carry on a conversation with him, but on occasion I would catch the scent of rotting vegetables emanating from his mouth as he spoke. I thought to myself, "Did he eat a shit sandwich for lunch?" But I carried onward because he was a very reputable doctor in his field, and he liked our products. Finally, I got some relief from my sales partner, who after rummaging through her purse, stepped in to relieve me.

"I need a mint strip, heh M, you want a mint strip?", she asked me, holding out the package and hoping I would say yes and the doctor would follow suit.

"Oh yeah thanks. I think there were too many onions in that sandwich at lunch.", I said and laughed to relieve the awkwardness of the moment. I took the mint and popped it in my mouth while she did the same. Then came her cue:

"Doctor do you want one?", she asked.

" No thanks.", he answered.

But she persisted, "Ya sure?", she said, "They just melt in your mouth. Try one.", she said and held out the package while both of us waited anxiously for him to accept.

"No that's okay thank you anyway.", he answered and my partner turned to look at me in shock. Why would someone refuse a mint strip? He must be allergic to nice smelling breath.

So we continued on with our conversation, taking turns talking to the doctor and facing the onslaught of his blasts of bad breath. We were like partners in a wrestling match, slapping hands and "tagging" each other as we jumped in and out of the ring. I wanted to grab the mint strips and jam them down his throat every time he spoke, but I maintained my composure. After what seem like a long period of time, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Doctor, how about we set up a time to meet you in your office next week. That would give us an opportunity to meet with your staff as well.", trying to end the conversation so that he would move on to the next table.

" Next week, oh that wouldn't be so good. How about the week after.", and as he said the word "after", I thought I saw a wisp of smoke emanating from his mouth.

" The week after is perfect. Let's say Tuesday the 19th at 10 am?", I responded just trying to keep vision from blurring and preparing for his response.

" That's good. Very good. I anxious to have the other doctors in my office learn more about your products. They've worked very well for me."

" Great!" , my partner responded and each of us shook the doctor's hand.

Just as he started to move to the next table he turned around and said, "Do you still have any of those mint strips left? Maybe I'll try one. My mouth is kind of dry.", he said to my partner.

" Sure doc. Here take the whole pack, I got plenty.", she added and smiled.

" Wow. Thanks!", he said, smiled, and moved on.

I turned to her and said, "You realize you just saved some one's life don't you? "
She looked at me, " What? How so?"

" Are you kidding me? The mint strips? All the other vendors here should be thanking you because that doc's breath was a killer."

She laughed so loud everyone turned around, but she was truly a Life Saver.

-M

The Annual Sales Meeting Part II

I haven't posted for a while but it's weird I've actually been out selling products! Isn't that amazing? Heh we all gotta pay the mortgage, or in some cases we gotta pay the mortgage, the car payment, tuition, food, groceries, etc. You get the idea.

Well to continue on with the National Sales Meeting Part II... after speaking to a few fellow reps, I found that these people are pretty much "staples" at sales meetings as well:

Weight Lifter Guy - It seems there's always one over bloated, or "swoll" guy at a National Sales Meeting. He talks about how much he can bench press and he's always eating Clif Bars, and snacking on anything with protein in it. He wants to maintain his "adverse reaction to a bee sting" like appearances for the ladies to admire. I think the problem is that most ladies don't admire this look...and so nothing ever happens for this dude. Whether he's single and wants to mingle or married, he's usually at the gym, or consoling himself with protein shakes, but most of the time he's by himself because people don't wanna hear how much you can squat. (I apologize for the assumed disgusting image now in your head)

The "I Was Robbed!" Salesperson - Each year there's always a sales rep, be it a man or woman, who thinks they got robbed for an award. You hear them complaining before, during, and after the awards ceremony. They bitch continuously and it really is annoying. "Well I had more growth in my territory than she did! Where's my award?", or they say things like, "Technically, his boss gave him that last account in November, but I was leading the whole year so I think I should get the award."

Hey loser. I have news for you - YOU LOST. GET OVER IT! I love winning just as much as Charlie Sheen but give me a break with the drunken lament. You didn't win an award, so friggin what? Who cares, there's always next year. Stop whining and start winning. By the end of the night after a few beers you feel like punching this person in the head just to shut them up.

The "Snitch" - There is always one sales rep at meetings who is like Cindy Brady and turns in everybody. He/She is listening in on conversations, spying on reps who are "hooking up", and reporting back to her manager all the things happening that are not in line with corporate policy. They also try to draw you into their little web by throwing out phrases like, "Did you hear what Rob said about Joe our CEO?....Do you agree with what he said? Joe can be a pain sometimes?"

Oh no you don't traitor...don't try to draw me into your little game. This person is like the "paparazzi" of the meeting too. They have a camera and are taking pictures of people getting far too drunk and then showing them the next morning to managers. They have a few drinks, talk shit, and generally don't know how to have a good time. They're too obsessed with their careers to actually enjoy life.

Strip Club Guys - These guys you won't see at every sales meeting because at times they're extremely covert and they don't want to get fired. But they are there, lurking in the shadows. They usually wait til everyone else has gone to bed and then they hit you up and see if you wanna go to a strip club. Or secretly they already checked online to see where the closest club is located. They're well organized and secretive because they don't want to get caught.

Believe me there are a lot of these reps, bosses, and even managers at National Meetings. They're usually married, or in some type of repressive relationship and the only time they get to see a "different" woman naked is at a strip club. And if you ever go out with them, they go absolutely crazy! They rubbed their faces in the girls chests, get lap dances for hours, and spend all their hard earned commissions getting all worked up over a woman they can't have. My favorite line ever from a fellow rep who coaxed me in to going out to eat and then an hour later we're at a strip club is this, "I think this girl really likes me?"

My response, "She's a stripper you ass. She's supposed to make you think she likes you. If you bought me drinks all night and stuffed money in my pants I'd give you a lap dance too. "

The Smart Sales Rep - Oddly enough these reps are in the minority at National Sales Meetings. They're the "goody-goody" reps. The reps who don't drink, don't smoke, and really don't even socialize. They write down everything, keep to themselves, say all the customary things, and don't leave their hotel rooms at night. They usually are responsible, call they're wife/husband and kids, and go to bed early so they can study for the next day's material. They're genuine and really good people. I usually find that I admire their focus and determination, but I also find them to be extremely BORING. Conversations with these reps usually put me to sleep and I find that most of they're jokes and humor come from kid shows like "Sponge Bob Square Pants" or they sing "Wiggles" songs.

"Wow, did you just quote Ernie from Sesame Street?"

These reps need to get out and live a little. It'd do them some good.

-M