Brag Books Are BS!

I know this subject has come up before, yet I just spoke to someone who went to interview with Eli Lilly for a sales position, and she not only hated the people conducting the interview, she was offended when they seemed upset that she didn't bring along a "brag book".  For those of you who don't know what this is; a brag book is a list of all your career accomplishments assembled into one "book".  In other words, all the awards you have won, along with quota achievements and any plaques you might have been awarded.  Yet what is it really?  It's total bullshit.

Apparently, the regional vice president asked her specifically, "Why didn't you bring along your awards.  I just had a guy yesterday lay out all his plaques and awards in front of me to show what he'd achieved.  I mean anyone can make up numbers and put them on a resume."

Naturally she was offended, "Hold on a second.  If you're insinuating that I'm lying then I'd have put a lot better numbers on my resume than I did.  If I was going to lie I'd do a much better job than that, but I'm not a liar."

He responded, "But you're in sales, so let's just say sales people exaggerate the truth sometimes." At this point I would have walked out of the interview.  Who would want to work for such an asshole?

She is more patient than I am, but she was so dumbfounded by his response she struggled the rest of the interview and afterwards she didn't even leave him a thank you card.  He was insinuating that all sales people are liars.  He didn't say it directly but what the hell is the difference between exaggerating the truth and lying...NOTHING.  What a jerk.

And as for the validity of brag books.  Anyone can also go to Staples and buy a certificate of achievement and put their name on it and ten other ones, and then place them in a binder.  When I was a sales manager, the biggest mistake I ever made was believing in a brag book.  I interviewed a copier sales person who had a book full of awards and even a few plaques which he brought to the interview.  Little did I know, these were all forgeries!  The sneaky little bastard had taken other peoples awards and copied them and then inserted his name.  He even had the plaque made at a trophy store.  How do I know that?  He told me when I fired him because he never left his house.  He sold $0 in 6 months!  Not a cent!

The lesson here is that if anyone asks for a brag book I would tell them this, "Awards mean nothing to me because lets be honest, I'm only as good as my last sale.  Talk is cheap and so are awards it's how you perform in the field that makes the difference between a good rep and a great one."

If they press the issue as this stupid regional manager from Eli Lilly did, than my response would be , "People can make up numbers than can make up positions and then can make up awards.  Staples can even make them for you if you ask.  I don't live in the past but I do look forward to the future."

Brag books are BS.  Don't believe the hype...and have a great day selling!

-M

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Recently one of my long time customers was promoted to a new position, the head buyer for my specific type of products! I was so excited for her but more importantly for me. :)  I sent her a card congratulating her, I knew that she liked our products, and so I immediately thought,

 "Yeah baby!  I'm gonna be rolling in the sales now!"  WRONG!

I apparently had misjudged how much she liked the products in relationship to how much she liked her new job.  Previously, she would text me about issues, or call me anytime, but now the chatter had stopped.  I couldn't even get her on the phone or make an appointment.  WTF?  It was strange, and I couldn't understand what I had done to ruin the relationship.  I kept reviewing the steps I had taken that might have pissed her off, but I couldn't think of anything I had written or spoken, that would have ended our relationship.  I kept retracing my steps and blaming myself for doing something to upset her.  But again, I was WRONG.

I spoke to a few of her colleagues and it turns out she has a position of power in which she has to manage costs and they told her she had to immediately cut costs by 30%.  Naturally, she went with cheaper products even though she knew clinically they didn't work.  Why?  Because number one she's new to the position, and  she's not a nurse anymore but an administrator, A "numbers" person, and these people don't think clinically, they think financially.  And this is what she had become, a numbers person.  Instinctively, I tried to get an appointment to sell her on the clinical benefits of all our products, but she cut me off with an email, which read:

"M,

   I have spoken to our VP about your products and how effective they are, but at this time he has explained to me that costs are our greatest concern, and so we have signed a contract with a cheaper supplier.  I have to be honest, I think it may be a mistake, but I am too new to the position to be "rocking the boat" right now.  I have always appreciated your honesty and integrity and if things don't work out with this supplier I will call you ASAP.

All the best,

V   "

Most sales professionals, especially trainers will explain that I must have missed something in the process, and I didn't explain how the benefits of the clinical nature of our products can translate into dollars and cents and savings for her.  I say BULLSHIT.  I find it amusing that trainers are always sticking to their system and giving you theoretical answers as to why you didn't make the sale.  As if sales people are all robots and if we follow a system it will always work.  Wake up sales teaching professionals!  Systems don't always work, but people do! Individuals who try to tell you that they never miss a sale because they are able to "dollarize" the effectiveness of their products every time are big time liars.  NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, makes a sale every time.  I don't care if your Tony Robbins or Zig Ziglar, it just doesn't happen.  However here is what I can tell I learned from this process:

1. Relationships - Just because you have good rapport and people like you doesn't mean they're going to buy from you.  Even when you have an intimate relationship with your contact, that doesn't guarantee a sale.  They are more likely to buy from you, but if you can't get in front of the actual person making the decision in order to have an impact, then you're are screwed.  You may be screwing the person using the product, but that doesn't mean the company will buy from you.

2. Know The Decision Maker - I was told by everyone that V would be the ultimate decision maker regarding all purchases of my products.  However, if you read that email, it doesn't seem like she is making the decision.  She has been given a mandate and the decision has already been made for her.  So if she has to cut costs in this area by 30%, then switching to the cheapest product makes sense...especially if you are new and want to keep your job.  My next step, would be to try and get to her boss, and this may take some time, but I'll get there. I may have to start stalking him/her.

3. Life Is Not Over - This was a big opportunity that I missed because I couldn't move fast enough on the true decision maker.  Yet, it's not the end of the world!  There is so much business in my market that I can go out and find 2 more customers that will make up for the loss of this revenue.  The issue is that this was some low hanging fruit and I blew it, but I don't feel terrible.  Hey, tomorrow is a new day, and in the end maybe I'll benefit from this experience.  I won't say I'm bitter, but I hope her boss gets herpes...simplex 1.  I'm not that bitter.

We live, we learn, and sometimes we break up, but life goes on.  Have a great day selling!

-M

The Company Newsletter

When I was young I wrote a newsletter at my high school.  It was very well received because it was funny, irreverent, and mostly because it was an "independent" newsletter.  In other words, me and a few other friends got together and wrote our own school newspaper because we felt our high school did a lousy job of catering to the students.  So with this "guerilla" journalism people thought it was cool to read it, and it became very popular.   In fact, in fact you might say it was a "success".

Company newsletters on the other hand are complete shit.  Yes that's right. I wrote it out, and spelled it correctly: S-H-I-T. They don't cater to employees they send out messages to employees.  I know, because I used to write a company newsletter for our branch and I was always being chided for it being too "employee oriented".  WTF?  Isn't that what a newsletter is about?  The employees!  Isn't it designed to boost morale and get everyone working together?  Apparently, I was mistaken.  I thought people were supposed to actually enjoy reading the company newsletter, so I asked people what they would like in it, and I delivered.  Bad idea?  Apparently, because after 6 months I abandoned the idea and told them if they wanted a newsletter get someone else to write it because I actually had a job to do.  Consequently, even though I was asked to come back and write it for another larger location of over 500 employees, I refused.  If my message is not to entertain and inform the employees, than it's pretty stupid to have a newsletter.

Which brings me to my current job. A few years ago I was exceeding my quota exponentially, and the marketing director called me and wanted me to share my stories of success in the company newsletter.  Again I refused.  Why?  Because when I told her what I did to differentiate myself in the field, her immediate response was:

"Did you get that approved?"

She didn't say, "good job", or "that's really interesting, how did you go about doing that?" Her immediate response was, "did you get that approved?" 

I work in health care so obviously there are a lot of restrictions on what can be printed and what cannot be printed, and it needs to comply with all different kinds of regulations.  I am well aware of the guidelines.  So what I did was well within the guidelines of regulations. I didn't claim our products cured cancer, or gave a person super human strength.  All I did was make up 7 different name badges that said something funny.  That was it.  They weren't making any claims they were just funny.  However what they did was get a conversation started at every location I went to...so long as someone read the badge.   And this in turn led to appointments which led to sales: end of story.

So when I told her how one badge, led to an appointment with a Medical Director, which then led to a very big account conversion she asked, "Well what did the badge say?  What was so funny about it?"

I answered, "It said.  When you read this badge you will think of unicorns and rainbows. And then I put my name underneath.  That's it."

"That's it.  That's not even funny." , was her response in a voice so dead pan, I thought for a moment it was a recording, or a GPS device was speaking to me.

" Well it's more silly than funny.", I said.

" Not really.  What else have you done besides the badges?", she asked, and I waited for her to tell me to turn right on 4th street.

I could tell that she had a highly under developed sense of humor...like a coffee table.  Which might be why our marketing material was so awful. 

"Well I did a seminar with that program you developed."

She became extremely excited, "Oh great!  And how did that go?  Pretty good I bet?"

I responded, "Yes it did.  It went fairly well, but it didn't create the buzz that my badges did."

She advised me, "Let's just put that in there, it'll be good if everyone sees that the program worked."

"Okay, it's your newsletter.", I answered and so she put my name in a story,  along side 3 other people who all used the program she had developed and had devised.  It had nothing to do with my big conversion or how a simple thing like a name badge can lead to an appointment and then a sale. It was all about her program and how it was being promoted. 

In fact when she sent me a draft of the newsletter I called her immediately, "No mention of how I used humor to differentiate myself from other reps?"

"No.  We don't want people getting too creative out in the field.  They might do something stupid and get us in trouble."  she said, again using her best dead pan voice.

"Oh you mean like getting a sale?" , I said.

"No.  I mean like creating their own flyers or marketing material.", she answered and then paused and added, "Or making their own company badges."

"I got it.", and then I laughed, "I got the message loud and clear."

" What's so funny.", she said.

" Oh nothing.  Like the badges you wouldn't get it."

" I don't like your tone.", she said with a little more stern and threatening voice.

" I don't like your newsletter.  Thanks for including me though! Have a good day!", I said and hung up the phone.

Of course my boss called me fifteen minutes later and lectured me on why I shouldn't be pissing off our marketing director.  I told her that we would be better off with a new marketing director, and thankfully one year later we got one.  There is justice in the world...



Have a great day selling!

-M