Post Holiday Blues

You know that Elvis song "Blue Christmas", I might write a song entitled, "Blue after Christmas", because that's the way everyone is feeling today as we head back to work following the holidays.   Yes the holidays can suck, especially if you celebrate them alone.  Now if you celebrate them alone but are surrounded by toy action figures who are your "friends", you may want to seek help.  Or at least get some real friends. And if you had a family holiday from hell, or you got in a fight on New Years Eve, then you might actually be looking forward to work this week.

Yet for most of us, it's that lousy day where we come in all fat and happy and realize that we need to go to the gym to lose all that from the egg nog, fudge, cookies, candy, turkey, stuffing, matzo balls, lutefisk, or whatever else you ate during the holidays. I can't believe people actually eat lutefisk?  It's disgusting. I heard over the holidays,a few restaurants in Minnesota can make it taste like lobster.  To me it taste like lobster for sure, lobster that's been sitting out for 5 days in a chemical solution that would kill a cockroach, and then soaked in radioactive water.  Doesn't that sound delicious?

In order to overcome the depression of heading back to work I have five quick recommendations for you to recover from your holiday hang over:

1.  Act Like It's Still The Holiday Season - Hey, no one said the holidays have to end after New Years.  I say we prolong it right through til Spring.  Why should we let "The Man" tell us when to end our celebration?  In the Year of The Protester I say we protest an end to the holiday season and extend it til at least Easter.  So keep wearing ugly sweaters, send out cards, and keep your tree up until April 1st.  Well, keep the tree watered otherwise you might have a potential fire hazard in the living room.  Don't take down your lights, hell some of you leave them up all year round anyway.  But turn them on, and play lame holiday music loud and annoy your neighbors.  It's the spirit of the holidays that never dies, and why should it die on January 2nd. 

     2. Wear Festive Underwear - If you are afraid that someone will look oddly at you for still        wearing reindeer antlers or funny looking sweaters, then don some holiday undergarments. Here's a    few samples for both men and women from abcunderwear.com and maidenform.com. Nothing will make you feel more festive than these lovely undergarments, and wearing them will keep you smiling through til spring.  Their nothing like a holiday party in your pants!

The pair above is a little too sexy for my personal taste, and I don't think I would look that good in a thong, but to each his/her own.  I prefer the Santa Boxers at the top of the post, much classier.  When you wear something that makes you feel festive, then they day progresses that much faster.  The underwear doesn't pertain to just Christmas alone. There are also Hanukkah briefs.   These are brought to you courtesy of Cafe Press and the printing at the bottom reads, "Light My Menorah".  Jewish or Gentile, these are awesome; and if you wear these how could you not be in a good mood! 

 

      3. Drink Egg Nog Daily - There is no drink that screams "It's The Holiday Season!", like egg nog.  A completely gross and fattening concoction of milk, cream, sugar, and eggs.  But oh what a tasty delight it is!  Now I recommend drinking light egg nog since whole egg nog would make you as big as Santa Clause.  And I recommend you run out and buy a bunch of it NOW!  Because it will soon be off the shelves of stores since it's primarily a holiday drink.  So go buy about 10 gallons so you can make it through the winter. 

I also recommend that after drinking all this egg nog you have your cholesterol checked once per week, exercise daily, and have your arteries cleansed before they become clogged.  It's fattening yes, but boy it taste sooooo good...

     4. Re-gift Those Crappy Holiday Gifts - If you received a "White Elephant" for the holidays, make sure you share that rare holiday treat with someone you know.  Nothing makes you feel better than confusing people with a gift they won't want, and it's not even the holidays.  Call it an "Un-Birthday Present".  And make them feel the love, or hate, or whatever.  You must have customers out there that you don't like or whom you are not terribly fond of.  Why not give them a little gift during the winter to lighten their spirits, like Divinity candy?  No one enjoys that hard, white candy, that is almost impossible to eat in less than an hour. They'll be sucking on that stuff for hours just to get it soft enough to chew. Why don't you re-gift all your friends with holiday pound cake? They can either eat it, or use it as a door stop.

Personally, I have a lot of chocolate which I know is not good for me and I shouldn't eat.  But why should I keep it all to myself?  I'll pass it on to friends or clients, who I know are resolved to losing weight, just to challenge them to overcome their obsession with sweets.  Am I an enabler?  Maybe?  But at least I don't have to look at all that sponge candy anymore. And he if they start eating the sweets I'd say it's a win-win for us.

     5. Wear Snuggies or Sweatpants Everywhere - Unfortunately some of you may be doing this already, which is really sad.  But during the holidays, most people wear nothing but sweatpants or snuggies during the entire 2 weeks.  So why stop now that the holidays are over? So you haven't showered in ten days, who cares?  I'm sure you can easily go another ten days without water desecrating your body.   If you're required to be in the office, wear a Snuggie for Casual Fridays.  If you have to go visit customers, or prospects, make light of what you're wearing and say, "Sorry I just rolled out of bed", which you literally did.  They'll think it's funny! 

Wear your sweatpants to the mall, or out to the movies.  Why shouldn't the entire year be a holiday for you.  I have noticed that some of you already do this consistently, so you might wanna curb it a little during the summer.  Those Snuggies can get extremely toasty in May and June.  But remember this nothing screams it's the Holiday Season like the stale smell of your own body. It brings out the flavor of the cookies...

I hope you take my advice, or at least some of it, to get over your holiday blues if you have any.

Happy Year Round Holidays!

-M