The Interview from Hell

As a Sales Manager, Service Manager, or just a manager, you come across people that you should definitely not hire, but who might be better off behind bars. And I don't mean the kind that serve alcohol. I mean prison bars. About 8 years ago, I interviewed one such person. I feel that after the experience I was not only better for it, I was lucky to be alive!

I was working as a Service Manager and I had a fleet of drivers who reported to me. However, these were not only drivers, but sales representatives as well. So they had to serve the customer and sell additional products in the process. This called for a unique individual who could be both humble enough to serve the customer but also have enough courage to ask them for a sale. In layman's terms they had to be able to take a lot of crap from people and still get them to buy our stuff. So sales experience was a priority.

Enter into the situation, Jimmy Johnson, and no it isn't the NASCAR driver. Jimmy, was probably close to 50 years old, an amiable enough person,(first appearances are deceiving) who came to me "looking for a change of pace". He thought he could drive a van well enough, he had a clean driving record, and so why not give it a shot. Jimmy appeared fit enough, and he spoke low and slow, with a midwestern accent, probably from Texas or Oklahoma, and he seemed like a nice enough fellow to start. He came into my office in a collared shirt, without a tie, which was already a bad sign. He shook my hand heartily or angrily, I can't remember which, and took a seat in front of me. The interview went something like this:

"So Jimmy, I have your application here, do you have a resume?"

"No I don't. Do ya need that?", I assumed Jimmy didn't have a computer.

"Well, it would certainly help. But it's not a requirement. Most jobs you apply for nowadays they ask for a resume, so as a piece of advice you might wanna write one up."

" Sorry about that. I didn't know."

" Like I said. It's not a requirement. I'm more interested in the person than a piece of paper. So why don't you tell me about yourself.", the typically stupid first question on our interview guides.

" What do ya wanna know?", he said and looked offended.

" You know, the usual stuff. Where you're working now, where did you work before, what are you looking for in a job.  Stuff like that." I said calmly and affably.

I always tried to make applicants feel at ease during an interview, this way you could get to know the "real" person your interviewing. Keeping in mind you're about to spend thousands of dollars training and working with this person so you'd better be damn sure of your hire. You want to ensure that they're dependable, hard working, amiable, and that they're at least sane?

"Oh, I work at Pep Boys. Customer Service...behind the counter."

"Do you like it?"

"It's okay. Why?", again he seemed offended that I would ask him this question.  He seemed easily offended by everything...like my breathing.

" Just a question. What did you do before that?", I said and I could see Jimmy was a little nervous and fidgety in his seat. "Jimmy, these are just standard questions. It's not an interrogation, but we have to know where you work, what you do, what you did before? Otherwise there's no way for me to tell what kind of worker or a person you are."

" Oh! I'm a really hard worker.", he said and sat up taller in his chair.

" Uh huh. Most of the people I interview say they're a really hard worker. What sets you apart from some of the other people applying for this job?"

"Sets me apart? I dunno...What? Don't you believe I'm a hard worker?", and again he seemed upset by all the questions as to his character.

" I do. I do. But there are other hard workers applying as well for this job.  But why should we hire you as opposed to them?"

"Cause I'll work harder than them is why.", he said and smiled, proud of his answer. As he smiled I noticed he was missing a tooth on the left hand side of his mouth. It didn't seem to bother him though. I chuckled at his answer. Jimmy didn't appear to be the brightest bulb in the bunch but I didn't want to cut him short and offend him, so I changed my line of questioning.

" Okay Jimmy. I get your point. You're a hard worker.", I said and smiled at him and he smiled again, the missing space where a tooth was supposed to be, staring at me. "Let's try some different questions. You work at Pep Boys right now. Is that correct?"

"Yes sir. 5 years now.", he said proudly.

" How do you like your job?"

" Well I like it okay, but I wanna change jobs now?"

" And why do you wanna change jobs?"

" I got a little girl and she's gonna have a little girl, and so I need to make more money to support them. That's why I got the idea to come here."

" So you wanna change jobs to support your daughter and grandchild? Is that right?"

" Yep. You gotta support your kids no matter what. It's a father's duty."

I admired his commitment. I smiled, "That's admirable Jimmy, I'm glad you feel that way. Too many men nowadays don't follow that same line of thinking. Good for you."

"Thank you sir.", he said and smiled again, but a big broad smile this time, and a little bit creepy. He was starting to relax.  It almost looked like he wanted to put his feet up on the desk.

" Jimmy, do you work with customers regularly at Pep Boys?"

" Well yes sir. I'm behind the counter like I said, in the Parts Department. I know a lot about cars and car parts. I think that's why they gave me the job."

" How do you like working with customers? Is it enjoyable to you?"

" It's okay. Sometimes they can be really nice, and then other times they can be a down right pain in the butt!", he said and chuckled. I laughed with him.

" I see. Is there anything that motivates you in your job? Say dealing with customers?"

" Motivates?", he looked at me confused. As if I'd asked him to solve the world problems with one answer. 

" Gets you excited to work? Makes your day go better?"

" Oh I like car parts and cars. That gets me excited. I especially like it when I find a part a fella's been looking for for a long time. And I'm able to help him. That happened the other day. A fella was looking for a part for the AC on a 74 Corolla and we just happened to have one. It was weird, but this part had been on the shelf for years and we just happened to have it. Yeah that kinda stuff uh m-o-ti-va-tes me. Stuff like that." And as you can tell by the way I wrote it he pronounced motivate very slowly and correctly.

I took that as a pretty respectable answer. And that's a standard question in interviews, "What motivates you?" If an applicant is reasonably intelligent they can figure that one out, and how to answer it. The only problem here was that I wasn't certain of Jimmy's level of intelligence, but he answered it admirably. So I moved on to the standard follow up question.

"Okay Jimmy. Good answer. Now can you tell me what demotivates you?"

" Demotivates me sir?", he had that confused look again.

" Yeah what do you not like in your job, in your life. What just upsets you or gets you riled up?"

" Oh. Never been asked that before. Course haven't had an interview in 5 years. And never one quite like this. ", he said and then laughed. He seemed at ease, and I laughed with him.

" Hmmm...Well sir I don't like it when people push my buttons."

" Push your buttons? What do you mean by that Jimmy?"

" Well sir, when they rile me up. They do something that makes me really mad."

" Okay...Can you think of a time recently when somebody pushed your buttons?"

Jimmy's face tightened for a minute and he wrinkled his nose as if he was thinking hard. Which for him, I'm sure took all of his cognitive powers. He did this for an uncomfortable period of time before I interrupted his thought process.

"It doesn't have to be work related. It can be personal. Just think of a time recently that someone pushed your buttons."

He went back to thinking again and then he looked up at me as if he'd discovered a cure for cancer,
 " I got it!" he said and smiled.

"Well? Do you want to tell me about it?"

" There was this fella. Well, I mentioned my baby girl before, but there was this fella she was seeing, named Pedro and he used to push my buttons."

"Really, what did he do?"

" Well sir, he got my little girl pregnant. That's what he did. And that really upset me. But that's not the half of it. One night my little girl came to me crying saying she didn't know what to do, that she was lost. And that this Pedro fella was mean to her and not helping with the baby at all. So then she tried to move in with him, but that didn't work out neither. She was real upset, real upset. And then one night she came home with all her bags and told me he was an awful fella and that he was mean to her and threaten to beat her and that she didn't wanna see him no more."

At this point I was intrigued with the story and just nodded and let him continue.

"So I said to her what do you mean honey? You don't want to see him no more? You're gonna have a baby together. Isn't that what you want honey.  That baby's got ta have a daddy. And she said 'No daddy, I'd rather die then let him near my baby. I can raise the baby. But I don't ever want to see Pedro again. Never, never, ever!' Well I looked at her and then I realized exactly what she meant by never ever seeing him again."

" What do you mean you knew exactly what she meant?", now I was the one who looked confused.

" Well, I'm a Vietnam Vet, and when someone says they don't want to see someone no more that means, they REALLY don't want to see them no more. That's how we took care of things in the bush. If you didn't wanna see someone one again, you handled it."

" Handled it? Really?", I noticed that I was the one who was now nervous, "Oh my god what did you do?"

" Well, I broke into this fella Pedro's house, and I waited in the dark with my huntin knife for him to come home.", his voice became very quiet, almost a whisper as if he thought people outside the office might hear him. I was hoping they would hear him too, and that they would call the police.

"What?!", I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like a dream. I was literally on the edge of my seat!

" That's right. I waited in the dark with my knife, and for sure I was gonna kill him. And while I was waiting there I thought...this ain't gonna help my baby girl. Killing this fella. I can't take care of her in jail. This ain't the right thing to do."

"So what did you do?", I said at the end of my chair, waiting to hear the outcome and then immediately call the proper authorities.

" Well just then he comes in the door, and I grabbed him and pushed him up against the wall. I put the knife under his throat like this." And he showed me how he did it, by placing his hand under his throat. As he told the story, his voice rose with anticipation.

"And I said, 'Listen up Pedro! You got 2 choices right now. You can leave home to Tijuana tonight, or you can go home tomorrow in a body bag! What's it gonna be?!'", and as he said this he almost shouted the words, "body bag" and "what's it gonna be".

"Oh my god, what happened?", I almost shouted interrupting him but unable to contain myself. I was feeling for a little buzzer under my desk to summon someone to come and get this guy out of my office, but there was no such buzzer.  I was screwed.

He answered now in a calm almost serenely creepy voice, " He went back to Tijuana and my little girl never saw him again. And that's what I mean by people pushing my buttons.", and then he sat back in his chair, somewhat proud of his story.  And he again delivered that creepy smile.

At this point, I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't think straight so I went to the interview guide which was in front of me and looked for a standard question to ask.
"Do you have any hobbies?", I said.

" I don't have too many friends ya know.", he answered.

I nearly fell out of my chair because in my head I thought, "Maybe because you're a psycho!". I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing and faked a cough.

"Excuse me a second Jimmy, just need to get some water.", I said and headed for the door.

"Okay I'll be here when you get back.", he said.

Again I covered my mouth because my initial thought was "I hope not you wacko!" I opened the door, and closed it to make sure he wasn't getting out. I ran into the break room, closed the door and just started laughing. Two of the other managers were in there, and they looked at me oddly.

"Okay guys, if I don't come out of the office in the next 10 minutes call the police. I got a friggin psycho in my office.", I said and started laughing again.

" What are you talking about?", one of the managers asked and he was smiling because I was still laughing.

" I'm serious. This guy's a nut. I'll tell you later. But seriously if you hear anything odd like a chair being thrown or a desk tipping over, bust in. Or if I don't come out soon, bust in. I'll tell you about it later. I gotta get in there before he goes postal on me."

"Alright. But you better tell us all about it when you're done!"

" Oh don't worry I will."

I headed back to the office in less than 5 minutes. I walked inside and didn't even sit down. I stood behind my desk and offered my hand for Jimmy to shake. He stood up and then shook it.

" Sorry about that Jimmy. It must've been my allergies. Well, anyway that's pretty much all the questions I have right now. We're interviewing a lot of people so I gotta go. Do you have any questions for me?"

He look confused again, " Uh yeah. That's it? So do I get the job or what?"

" Well, like I said we are interviewing a lot of people and so we'll call you back if you qualify for the next round of interviews."

" Oh wait, don't gimme that. I heard that before. Don't tell me you're gonna call me if you're not. I don't like that.", and he gave me that look that he had while he was telling his story. As if I had just touched his "button", but hadn't pushed it.  Now, I was starting to get a little bit nervous.  I knew I'd better give him a straight answer. I didn't want to set him off.

" Okay then I'll tell you now. You're not a good fit for the job.", I said and waited for either a sane reply or a knife at my throat.

" What do you mean fit?", definitely confused now and a little irritable.

" It's a service and SALES position and frankly you don't have enough sales experience. Sorry. But thanks for coming in.", I said and offered my hand again.

He shook my hand and said, " I appreciate your honesty. Thanks."

" And I appreciated yours.", I said and led him out of my office. I went back in and locked the door behind me. The receptionist buzzed my phone and I answered.

"You're 2 o'clock is here. Should I have him fill out an application?"

" Sure that should take a few minutes and that'll give me more than enough time."

"Enough time for what? Lunch?", she asked.

"No. Enough time to buy a bullet proof vest!"




-M