" Hey Boss: Mean It, When You Say It! "

Copyright: alphaspirit / 123RF Stock Photo

In the corporate environment, I have been to the top of the sales mountain quite often.  In addition, I've been recognized as a top manager as well.  Yet I don't know how many times, I was forced to stand on a stage and take a picture with someone who could care less about who I was or why I was standing beside them.  There was no sincerity in their voice, and no genuine feelings in their handshake or their smile. Once the CEO even call me by a different name, than the one displayed on the prompter in front of him.  Every handshake and smile felt fake.  Now, that could be me being extra sensitive or perhaps them being very poor actors. As a leader, one thing I tried to avoid was sounding like a phony.  Everyone can see through that BS.

Once when I was sales rep of the year, or rookie of the year, or something like that, I took the stage and the VP turned, shook my hand and said to me, "Thank you for sharing this moment with us."

Naturally, I was a bit confused by his remark. I didn't ask them to bring me on stage. My response was:
"Uh okay. Sure. You're welcome?" And then I smiled and took the picture with him and the other suit on stage. I think it was the CEO or somebody important.

Afterward, my boss came up to me and said, "Hey Doug didn't like the way you dissed him on stage."
I responded both dazed and confused, "What do you mean...dissed him?"

"Well you didn't thank him after he said thank you for sharing this moment."

" I said you're welcome, but you're absolutely right I didn't thank him.  For what?  He didn't mean it.  All he had to do was say thank you, take the picture and that was it."

"Well it was rude.  What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I didn't think I was being rude.  I didn't know what to say. Besides he sounded fake and insincere.  I didn't call him out, it was just an odd thing for him to say. I didn't know what to say in response."

"Why is that odd?"

"He said thank you for SHARING this moment with us."

"Again, why is that odd. You three were sharing a moment?"

"First of all, that sounds like a scene from some bad romantic comedy, and secondly I never asked him to share the moment. I'm not sure I wanted to SHARE the moment or even have the moment. They should just recognize us and send us on my way. I don't want to stand their and take a picture that I'll never get a copy of."

"What? What romantic comedy? Wait, the picture on stage? I'm sure you'll get a copy of the picture I'm one hundred percent certain you'll get a copy of that picture."

" Really? I've been to President's Club 3 times and I've never seen a picture of me on stage.  Have you?"

He stood there and looked perplex, as if he was trying to recall some distant memory of when he was a rep and he had won an award.

"Now that I think about it.  I don't think I have. That's so weird."

"See what I mean?  What do they do with all those pictures? Where do they go?"

"Huh? Who cares about the pictures.  Just apologize for being rude. He wants you to come and talk to him later...At the after party."

"Oh that'll be good for my career.  I'll be drinking and I'm certain I will say something stupid."

"Well that's on you, not on him."

"No it's on him.  I won't be talking to him after he's also been drinking...that will just make things even more awkward and weird."

"Well he just wants you to explain yourself."

"I don't need to explain myself after he's had three Moscow Mules.  He'll barely be able to stand up. And then he'll try to put me in my place and the whole thing will be blown out of proportion."

"You'd better talk to him. He feels slighted."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow.  After all those drinks he won't even remember what happened. I'm going to celebrate with our team and then go to bed."

"I think that's a bad idea."

"Do you want to know what I think is a bad idea? Reprimanding me for something I said on stage that meant nothing when I just won President's Club for the 4th time. Shouldn't we be celebrating?"

"Oh yeah.  Congratulations.  Now enjoy it and don't forget to explain yourself."

" Gee thanks?", I said and then just started laughing.  It all seemed so silly that I was having to discuss something that happened on stage an hour ago, because the ego of the VP couldn't let it go.
My boss gave me a pat on the back of my suit coat.

"Don't be a dick. Make sure you apologize.", he said and then began to turn and walk off.

"Sure. Sure.  First chance I get.", I said, being just as insincere as the VP had been on stage.  Instead I went over to our team, had a drink with all of them and then headed back to my room.  I didn't want any drama so I thought it best to wait til the morning, and then speak to Doug.

When I woke up, I went down for breakfast and looked around for him, but he was no where to be found.  I checked each table, and after the break my boss came over to me. I assumed he wanted to check on whether or not I had spoken to Doug.

"Hey I couldn't find Doug last night so I didn't get a chance to speak to him.", I said.

"Oh yeah don't worry about it.  Doug got fired last night for groping more than a few of the female reps."

"What?  Are you freaking kidding me?"

"Nope! Apparently he was pretty drunk and grabbing asses all night.  Well he grabbed the wrong ass and it turned out to be the head of HR. "

I just started to laugh. "I feel bad for those reps, but I'm glad it wasn't my ass he was grabbing."

He laughed as well, "No kidding.  Some guys just think with the wrong head."

"That's true.  Well he got what he deserved if you ask me. You still want me to apologize to him?"

"F you!", he said, and I believed he was definitely being sincere.

-SFTD

"A" Personality Stands For....Aggressive, Achiever, or A##hole?

Copyright: jayfish / 123RF Stock Photo

I can remember vividly every time someone has told me "I am your proto-typical A type personality."

Instinctively I think, "Oh you're an asshole and you're letting me know you're an asshole." Which might be a bit harsh in judgment but when people tell me up front they're an A personality type, I tend to cringe...

I've worked with a lot of assholes.  In fact, I've probably worked with more assholes than a Costco size pack of toilet paper.  The problem is that these people don't know they are assholes.  I always felt it was my "duty" to point this out to them, which more often than not, led to frequent shouting matches, hurt feelings, and me ending up in a lot of trouble.  Once I learned how to be a little more diplomatic with my approach to "calling them out", I had much more success in making converts of them and turning them into mere asses instead of assholes.

One thing that I've noticed about these "A" type of people is that they have a slew of opinions.  Opinions about how people should dress, how people should act, how people should talk, and even how many kids their employees should have.  Yes I've had a manager tell me a woman had too many kids to perform her job to his standards. They have so many opinions it's hard for them to keep them straight.  I had a general manager who literally thought that anytime there was an attractive single woman on the staff they were sleeping with someone on the team.  Really?  As if they had to sleep with someone to spurn their career forward?  He was an idiot.  At one point he thought everyone on my team was sleeping with one of my reps and the reasoning behind his bias...was his own libido!

I remember an instance where his over active imagination got the best of him and me.  We were having our weekly one on one in the conference room and he started in on me about one of my female reps.

"Someone on your team has to be screwing that Natalie. If I wasn't married I'd bang her.", he said to me.

"Mark. No one is 'bangin' her.  She's engaged and she's made it very clear she's engaged.", was my response.

"You're saving her for yourself. Eh? You're bangin her.  I know you're bangin her.  I'd bang her."

"Can you please stop using the word bangin.  What are we ten years old?  I am not involved at all with her and you need to stop thinking all the reps are out to sleep with her.  She's made it very clear that she's here to do her job and nothing else. And please stop talking about her like she's not a person."

"Oh listen to Mr. Sensitive! You've got the hots for your rep.  Don't you?"

"Actually no I don't. And even if I did, I wouldn't share it with everyone. Which is kinda what you're doing right now." 

"There's nobody here but the two of us, and you're soft.  You won't tell anybody.  I know you, and I know you're hitting that." , and as he said this, the woman in question, Natalie,  walked by the conference room and we could see her through the large glass windows which allowed a full view of the office. She was wearing a short skirt, blouse, and modestly high heels. I could literally feel Mark's eyes popping out of his head.

"No I'm not.  Now can we please just focus on the numbers so I can get out of this awkward situation.", naturally he ignored what I had just said.

"I can't get over how hot she is.  Where did you find her?A modeling agency?"

"USC. Really?  Is this meeting going to be all about Natalie?"

"Is she hitting her quota?"

"Yep.  She's right there. 99% right now. She'll make it by the end of the year."

"Good.  Very good.  Oh I bet she's hitting it. Maybe I should have a one on one with her, just to let her know who's in charge around here."

"Uh. Why?  She know's you're the GM.  How many other reps have you had a one on one with?"

"Just Mike. Oh... and Todd. But they've both gone to President's Club a few times so I had to meet with them.  But I think I can make some time for Natalie."

"Dude, you're kind of being gross right now.  I think you need to put your libido in check. "

"I'm not doing anything except offering to help mentor your sales rep. Just trying to show her some aspects of our culture.  You got a problem with that?"

And as he said this he smiled and I could see it was kind of a veiled threat.  This is where the A type personality came crawling out.  To me it was simply a front for a little man with a lot of insecurities.

"Remember, I'm in charge here not you.  And really, I kind of inherited you, I didn't hire you, so don't think you're in any position to do anything at this point.  You're on your way up here, don't blow it over a silly one on one with your rep." He looked me straight in the eye as he said this, as if he wanted me to back down.

"I just want to make sure she stays on after your meeting."

"What is that supposed to mean?  I'm not going to do anything but mentor her.", and as he said this he had a creepy look in his eye and he gave me that odd smile.

"I would recommend you have the one on one right here in the conference room.  That would probably be best.  Show her that you hold all the cards.", I said, but I actually wanted to make sure their meeting was conducted in full view of everyone in the office.

"Good idea.  Show her who's in charge of her career.  Who has the power.", and as he said this he rubbed his hands together as if he was cold and seated by a camp fire.  It was odd.

"Yeah that's all about you buddy. You're in charge Mark.  We all know that."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Nope. I'm just stating the obvious.  You're in charge.  I'll send her in after we finish here."

"You do that.  For sure.  Let's wrap this up quickly so I can prepare for my little one on one with Natalie."

"Okay." I said with no inflection in my voice at all, as if I were bored with the whole conversation. I had moved on to business.

For the next 30 minutes we reviewed our sales numbers, projections, and forecasts.  We had tracked each rep's progress over the last 6 months, and measured their activity.  I provided field reports and ride along reports and each time we touched on Natalie's progress, my boss would get this glassy look in his eyes.  He paid attention for a time, but every time Natalie would walk by the office or I would mention her name he would lose his focus.  Finally, our meeting ended and I had someone page Natalie to report to the conference room.

I thought long and hard about letting her take the meeting, but I also knew that it would be in full view of the rest of the people in the office.  As Natalie walked into the conference room she tousled her hair and smiled at both of us.  At that moment, I knew who was in charge and it wasn't Mark.  That tousle of hair left him with his tongue hanging out, and at that point she could have got him to do anything she wanted, but she wasn't that type of person.  She was driven and she was career oriented.  She was all about her career, and I certainly recognized that first time I recruited her at USC. She was focused.

I introduced her, "Mark you remember Natalie."

"I sure do!", and he tried to give her a hug but she stuck out her hand for him to shake, which he did so sheepishly.

"Natalie, a lot of what we do here is predicated on Mark's leadership...so he wanted to meet with you just to see how you're doing and to discuss your future." 

She simply smiled and nodded her head. "That would be great."

"Yeah and I just wanted to give you an idea of how you'll fit in and how I can help you with your career.", added Mark.

"Well I'll leave you two.", I said and started gathering my reports.

"I can take it from here.", Mark said  and pointed for Natalie to sit, as if it were her duty.  I watched as he pulled up a chair right next to her instead of across from here, which I immediately thought would be trouble...for both of them.  I waved a hand in the air and left.

As I was walking to my office, I wondered how long it would take for him to screw that situation up.  He was relatively new to the GM role, and his inexperience was obvious.  His "A" type personality was about to get him in trouble.  I got to my office, sat down, and turned on a timer that we had been using for presentations.  I set it for 35 minutes.  I was a bit nervous, and at 33 minutes our head of HR, Grace, came running into my office.  She looked a bit flustered, and I already knew what had happened.

"We have a situation.  Can you come to my office?"

"Yep. Let me guess Mark and Natalie? "

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I saw that kettle boiling for the last month.  What happened?"

"She kicked him in the balls."

"She what? Wait can you say balls?"

"What do you want me to say? Groin? She's in my office now."

"Did anyone see what happened?"

"We all saw what happened.  The conference room is in full view of the office. He kept putting his hand on her thigh.  3 girls in the office saw it all go down. "

"Did you call the Jim?"

"Yep.  He's on his way here now.  I guess we'll both be here all night."

"I told Mark to not be an idiot."

"Well that's the problem.  Mark's not an idiot, he's an asshole."

"That's true."

" He'll soon be an unemployed asshole if it's up to me. "

"That is also true."

"And you're an asshole for letting this happen."

"Why am I an asshole?  I didn't tell him to put his hand on her thigh."

"Well, we'll see if your responsible for any of this when we talk to Natalie. You'd better hope she's alright."

Fortunately for me, she was fine.  A bit flustered, but still not completely traumatized by the event.  She said it had happened before at different jobs and she knew how to handle someone like Mark. So after a suspension, and an investigation Mark was fired. It turns out he had tried this before, but people were afraid to come forward.  For my part, I was found culpable but not responsible.  I guess there are different forms of assholes, and I was just one of them.  Lesson learned...

SFTD

The Grinch Who Stole Vacation Time...

Copyright: shakzu / 123RF Stock Photo

Two days ago,  I got a call from a friend who just wanted to wish me a happy holiday, and to catch up on how my family and his family were fairing.  I told him I was enjoying my time off and asked how he was enjoying his annual trip to visit his parents and siblings.  Every year, he would make a trip back to the Northeast to stay for a week and visit with his elderly parents.  However he advised me that his company told him no one was permitted time off this holiday season unless the President of Sales signed off on request.  He submitted a request for vacation time but was denied. I was appalled.

"Are you below quota or something?"

"Nope I'm at 110%."

"Are you in trouble?  Did you receive a poor performance review?"

"Nope.  I was above expectations.  In fact, I got a raise!"

"What's with the humbug?  Is Scrooge running your company?"

"Could be?  No. Unfortunately, we have a new President of Sales.  We nicknamed him 'The Grinch' "

"Well are you out of vacation time or something?"

"And again the answer is no, I save time every year for this trip.  Apparently now it's frowned upon to enjoy your holiday. I don't know what this guy was thinking, but I'm going to start looking for another job."

"What the hell is wrong with this dude?  That's sends a lousy message to the field.  It's not like you're delivering packages or something. You're not servicing customers are you? That doesn't make any sense."

"I know, I know.  No one is happy about it.  Believe me.  I think half the field is now looking for another job."

"Really? Or are you just exaggerating?"

"No, I'm not making this up.  Two regional managers have left already."

"No kidding. Well apparently that President is giving himself a lump of coal this holiday season."

"Oh no!  He made it clear that 'only the strong will survive', and that he's going to 'weed out the wimps, so that we'll have a sales organization we can be proud to be a part of.' "

"I guess that doesn't include people like you?"

"Nope, I've only been to Presidents Club 5 times out of the last 8 years."

"Well if you were really good it would have been 8 or 8!", I said and laughed.

"Piss off! Why don't you hire me?"

"You don't like what I do.  I seem to remember you saying it was as much fun as watching grass grow?"

"Good point, but anything beats working for a Grinch."

"Ya know what?  I may not hire you, but I'll certainly help you find a company that'll appreciate you."

"Let's do it."

"I feel like my heart just grew ten times today!"

"I doubt it, but let's hope the Grinch will learn his lesson."

"I doubt it.  Some people are just born jerks."

"You sound like you have experience in that area.", and this time he laughed, pretty loudly.

"Thank you for the holiday sentiment."

"Happy holidays! Gotta go, the Grinch is calling me."

 

"Seriously?  It's 6 O'clock on Christmas Eve?"

"I told you he's a mean one...Mr Grinch. Call me in the New Year!", he said and hung up the phone.

Let's hope that many of you are enjoying some valuable time off with friends and family and The Grinch didn't steal your vacation time...

Have a joyous holiday season!

SFTD 

Don't Promote Unqualified Managers Or Under Achievers

Copyright: bowie15 / 123RF Stock Photo

I was just listening in on a conference call of sales best practises, and I listened to all the speakers and was very impressed.  Yet I thought to myself, "where are all these people speaking ranked in relation to their peers?"  When I looked at the numbers I was stupefied!  Most of them were not only below quota but not even close to achieving their goal.  I had to question the management's decision to have them speak on the conference call since they really had no credibility with their numbers.

It reminded me of the days when I was a rep or manager and I would be listening to someone speak, but then I would find out later they had no numbers to support their sales or management strategies.  In my opinion, they lost all credibility.  You have to "walk the walk, not just talk the talk." Which made me think of all the times I saw someone get promoted who had no business being a manager.  In the military there is a saying "f#$k up, move up." Well this can also pertain to business as well.
However, the worse thing you can do is promote an under achiever and here's why:

1. Employee Morale - If you're an idealistic newbie who just started with the company, and you see people being promoted who are terrible at their jobs, it is completely demoralizing.  Here you are, a  new employee to the company and busting your ass, but someone else who isn't doing as well gets promoted.  The first thing you say to yourself is "what the heck is going on around here?" The second thing you think is "I need to dig in or I need to get out of this place." Promoting an underachiever demoralizes hard working and competent employees.

2. Turnover - As a general manager, senior manager, you might be wondering how promoting someone who is an under achiever will increase turnover.  It's actually a pretty simple formula.

M + M = T

Management + Mediocrity = Turnover 

I can remember years ago, when the company I was working with at the time, promoted a mediocre manager to a general manager, and he went through 12 mid level managers in one year!  Not two managers...TWELVE! It continued until eventually he was fired.  Pretty pathetic that he was promoted and again not based upon his past performance but on his relationship with the VP.  A lot of good partners were lost in the process of a year, and the business took another 2 years to recover.

3. Branding - Initially,  you may wonder how does branding figure into promoting the wrong person?  However, the best way to build a brand is to hire the right people and promote them.  Why do people want to work at Apple, Google, and Facebook?  Not just because they're dominating the tech industry but because they are good places to work, with career paths clearly outlined. They have established cultures which help make and keep them successful.  The quickest way for a company of that size to fail, is by promoting unqualified or poor performers.  They would instantly lose credibility and their brand would suffer.  Uber is a pretty good example of how promoting people who aren't ready or underachievers can hurt your brand.  How much has that company benefited from promoting people who weren't ready to be managers? I'd say not at all, since they just lost about $20 billion in market cap.

4. Messaging - What type of message are you sending if you promote a person who is not on the top of every one's list of over achievers?  You're basically saying it's okay to not perform because you can still become the "cream of the crap".  People who are successful want to see their career path as something obvious.  Yes it's ideal to think that way but when you're young and just starting out, it's easy to see things in black and white.  And guess what?  That's how things should be.  Not caught up in this murky world of gray where an obvious "kiss ass", but non performer, gets promoted.  We should all step up like Spike Lee and "Do The Right Thing".  Which if you haven't guessed means promoted the performers.

5. Future Growth and Profits -  Years ago when I worked at company C, they promoted a young man who hadn't yet proven himself as a performer to the position of branch manager.  He'd had a decent tenure as a Service Manager, a passable tenure as an Office Manager, and a decent time as a Sales Rep.  He was a good guy, and well liked by all, especially his general manager, but he wasn't ready to assume this leadership role.  Everyone in the region knew it, except for his boss and the Vice President.  So naturally, they ignored every one's advice and promoted him.  The branch he was promoted to oversee had made growth and profit numbers for 2 straight years. (Rule 35)  After he took over, they didn't make a profit for the next two years and he was demoted.  Not only was it bad for him especially to be put in that position, but the company also suffered because they lost profit for the following two years.  Sometimes it's best to wait and promote the "right" person rather than promote someone who isn't performing or really isn't ready to assume a weighty leadership role. The sad thing was that it ruined his career and others as well.

I have not always made the right decisions as a manager, or as a person.  I'm not perfect, but I can tell you that I never promoted someone who didn't have the numbers or the performance to support my decision.  First of all, I would have felt like an idiot and secondly it just wasn't fair to anyone else on my team.  To take an under achiever and move them up the career ladder would have been sacrilege.  That's not to say all of my decisions were correct, but at least I felt comfortable with them. I hope you can all feel the same way, and this post helps point you in a better direction...if not just ignore it as the insane ramblings of an idiot.  Either way, I'm glad you read it!

SFTD

Drop The "Corporate Speak"

Copyright: happystock / 123RF Stock Photo

Today, I spoke to a regional manager for over an hour and I still don't know where he stands as far as his messaging or what he's like as a person.  For sixty minutes I heard nothing but corporate speak.

"I'm really a player's coach"
"I get the best out of my people and they get the best out of me."
"I'm really just here to help better support my team."
"I just want to know what I can do to better help support everyone."
"I don't want to just talk for an hour, I want people to be engaged."
"I don't micro manage but I do hold people accountable for their activity."
"It's not about me. It's about my people."
"I understand that people need to balance work with family but it's work that supports our family."
"I want small wins to lead us to great victories."
"Passion fuels life and work."

After one hour, I finally just had to say to him,  "Can we just talk? I don't want to hear any more corporate speak.  Let's just cut through the corporate colloquialisms.  Talk to me straight.  All these phrases are well and good but I want to know who you are and what you want. "

"I want what's best for my team."

"Really?  What does that mean?  In simple terms, and don't use a phrase from a successories poster."

I heard him pause for a moment. "I want them to be successful."

"You've said that at least 5 times in the last hour.  Why do you want them to be successful?"

"So that I'll be successful?", he seemed to be searching for another corporate phrase.  "Isn't that what it's all about?"

"Well yes and no.  But now we're getting somewhere.  Why do you want to be successful."

"Because success is the measure of a man!"

"Really?  This is not a pep rally dude.  We're just talking about training and what you and your team need to be successful. But really why do you want to be successful?  On a personal level, not on a corporate level. Tell me personally what is motivating you."

"My wife is pregnant.  It's our third kid and I really want to be help continue to support my family. I want the best for them."

"Bingo! Hey there's a real person on the line.  Thank you. That's how you need to relate to your team.  On a personal and professional level.  Talk to them...like a person."

"It's hard for me to open up, I don't like to get to close with people in case I need to fire them."

"Okay, that I understand.  I've been there, but if you're always using corporate phrases they won't know who you are.  Plus that gets old really fast. It's important they know who you are.  You want to inspire them personally and professionally.  I'm not saying tell them your deepest darkest secrets but just try to relate.  Talk to them like you would anyone else outside of work. "

"You mean share stuff.  Like personal stuff?"

"Yes like personal stuff.  How old are your kids?"

"Meghan is four and Jeff is eight."

"How hard was that?"

"Not too hard. But again, I don't want to share too much because if I fire them I'll feel bad."

"Let's just focus on how you're going to inspire them not how you're going to fire them."

"You're starting to sound like me."

"Dammit!"

I heard him chuckled a bit on the other line, "Gotcha!"

I laughed too and then responded, "Just remember you're dealing with people and they want to be lead by a person not a corporate robot, so talk to them without all the cliches and I think you'll garner a lot more engagement and respect."

"Work smarter not harder!"

"Oh for crying out loud!", I shouted and he just laughed.

" I got it.  Drop the corporate speak.  Good advice."

" Thank you. Thank you."

SFTD

Role Playing...It's Not Just For Kids

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I have a friend who is headed for a Plan Of Action meeting in Dallas this month, and she's all stressed out because there is a role play involved.  Keep in mind, her company has over 300 sales reps and all of them will be required to do a role play to assess their skill level at selling the company's products. The role plays will be graded by managers on a point system and once a rep has passed the role play scenario, she/he will then go through a "competitor gauntlet" to further assess their knowledge of the company's competition.  Sounds like fun doesn't it?!  For who? The reps? HELL NO!

I have been in sales for a long time now, and personally I have always felt that a role play was a terrible way to judge the ability of a rep. Why?  Because reps are more nervous about being judged than they are in front of a customer. Inevitably, they almost always make a mistake, but not because they aren't knowledgeable, but more than likely because they are so nervous.  A role play is more like a talent show audition than a real life scenario.  Don't believe me?  Just ask 100 employees if they enjoy role plays.  The answer you will receive 9 times out of 10 is "no!" and some people will even answer with an emphatic "hell no!". Yes there will be that one rep who say "yes", that same person did summer stock in high school and is in the cast of the local theater company's version of "Of Mice And Men".  Those people are natural actors, and good at role playing because they understand what it takes to "fake it".  However, not all effective sales reps are actors...in fact most are not.

Teachers and educators have all stated that role playing can be an effective tool for training in schools.  However it must be conducted in an environment that is free from judgment or criticism. And in the classroom it is used as a tool to empathize with people or characters. Well, that's not the world of business.  We are judged every day by our peers and our bosses, but mostly by our bosses. Moreover, many managers show little or no empathy towards their employees.  Let me share a role play I was asked to do a long time ago when I was a rep.  It was conducted in front of an entire ballroom of people at our annual sales conference.  The audience included the CEO, COO, CFO, and board members along with the entire national sales force.  No pressure right? They drew names out of a hat and guess who was the unlucky winner?  Me.  Here's how the role play went:

President of Sales:  "Why don't you tell me about this new product you guys have?"

Me: "We have a new product?  I wasn't aware of a new product?"

President of Sales:  "Well if you weren't you might be looking for a new job."

Me: "You mean ______?"

President of Sales: "Uh...yes.  What can you tell me about it and how it might help my patients?"

Me:  "I know it's manufactured by vampires." 

At this point many of the reps in the ballroom laughed, but the president of sales was not smiling.

President of Sales: "Really? Vampires? I believe you're beginning to skate on thin ice young man."

Me:  "Of course I'm joking we don't have any vampires working for us. We have elves. Little medical elves." 

Again laughter and louder this time, but not even a grimace came from the president of sales.

Me: "It is a great product that can improve healing rates by almost 43% over conventional therapies.  We have two randomized controlled trials currently published in _______.  In both of the RCT's patients benefited greatly from using ________. Can you think of any patients who might benefit from this type of therapy?"

President of Sales: "That's better.  As a matter of fact I can.  What else can you tell me?"

Me:  "Each trial was conducted with over 100 patients and the results were pretty conclusive.  I can get you a copy of the published RCT's and maybe we can try the therapy on a few of your patients. That is if you're interested.  How does that sound?"

President of Sales : "Sounds like you get to keep your job buddy."

And then he finally smiled and shook my hand.  All the other sales reps watching started clapping as soon as I had finished, but some of the managers weren't smiling.  Why?  Because I changed the role play and added some humor.  Yet this was how I always presented to doctors or nurses.  I infused humor into my talk track and they liked it. However some corporate people don't like to laugh...unless they're drunk.  I was told by all my peers the role play was great and by all my superiors that it was awful. 

After that stressful incident,  the only role playing I wanted to do was as a Storm Trooper at Comic Con...well not really.  So the rest of the night, I partied like it was my last day on the job. I was concerned that my lack of seriousness may have put me in the unemployment line.   Yet as the night wore on and the drinks kept coming, our VP of sales, who had a little too much red wine, came up to me and put his arm around me.

"How ya feeling?", he said and leaned on me a little, almost tipping his glass of wine on me.

"Not as good as you are! My role play kind of sucked."

"Nah it was good.  You covered the important stuff.  That's all that matters."

"Ya think so?  Bob said he didn't think I was taking it seriously."

"You seemed pretty calm.  I would have been sweating bullets. I hate doing those f#$king role plays."

"What?  Then why are we doing them?"

"Beats me. The trainers think they're good practice."

"Really? What do you think?"

"I think if I say any more about it, I'm gonna get myself in trouble.  I also think you need another drink.", he said and waved for the bartender who came over.

"Two shots for me and my buddy here.  Milagro. Por favor."

"Thanks.  And after the shot you tell me what you really think about how I did."

"Listen, you just put up numbers and screw the role play thing alright? You'll be fine.", he said and slapped me on the back.  We downed the shots and then he smiled at me.

"You worry too much.  Relax do your best and f#$k the role play....oh wait you already did that!", he said rather loudly, then he laughed hard, and stumbled off into the night.

I knew there was something I always liked about that guy...but then again maybe it was the Milagro talking.

Have a great day and avoid the role plays!

SFTD

Some Times You Just Gotta Say "F#$k It!"

Copyright: dolgachov / 123RF Stock Photo

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I always did well working in the corporate environment.  However, some leaders see you as a threat if you're doing very well.  In fact, they will take measures to bring down your career, in order to spurn their own career forward.  At that point, you have to decide whether it's worth it to keep working for this person or whether you should leave.  Certain people feel threatened and the only way for them to feel comfortable is to get rid of the threat.

I had a boss who to my face would tell me what a great job I was doing, but then secretly he was plotting with the head of HR to have me fired.  And really for no reason other than professional jealousy.  However, he would never tell me himself.  On the contrary he would advise me not to worry about the head of HR, and that he would speak to her. He would tell me that he thought she was too OCD and for some reason she was obsessed with me.  Then he would have her write me up for misconduct.  Would you like to know what type of misconduct? Harassment?  Embezzlement? Berating my employees? Nope.

I was late to 2 interviews with sales candidates.  How late? 15 minutes each time.  I phoned ahead and told the candidates I would be late.  I was on time for 50 other interviews, but this didn't seem to matter to the head of HR.  She documented it twice and told me that if the behavior continued I might be terminated.  No verbal warning, and no consultation...straight to written documentation. I hadn't been written up or given a warning, since I was in high school.  Needless to say, I wasn't happy.

My response was pretty simple and direct, "Are you out of your mind! The company is seriously going to fire me for being late to interviews with just 2 potential candidates? And the candidates weren't even any good!  I need to talk to Richard.", I said, and then tugged on my tie like an angry school boy.

She responded, "I already have spoken to Richard and he agrees.  It's important for our leaders to be on time for interviews.

"It's also important for the head of HR not to fall asleep in staff meetings.  Isn't it?"

" What?! How dare you! I get tired during those late meetings and I have to rest my eyes."

" Rest your eyes?  I think that's called sleeping."

" You say tomato and I tomato."

After this unpleasant exchange me and HR I began to see the whole picture.  Richard, my General Manager was being two faced.  With me, he was applauding my efforts, and praising me, but behind my back he was talking trash.  It got worse.  Since I wasn't the assistant GM our line extensions were one digit apart so one evening I received a voicemail from the regional office that was meant for him. The voicemail was left by our assistant VP and outlined a meeting between Richard and the regional assistant about how they should have me transferred.  I was shocked! I couldn't tell him that I heard the voicemail, so I just waited until we had our weekly conference and then I laid it out.

"How are things going this week?", he asked.

I looked at him and he was fidgeting in his chair.  He always fidgeted in his chair, almost like he didn't feel comfortable being a leader.  I sat there watching him and finally I just said to myself, "f#$k it!" 

"You don't like me do you Richard?", I asked him straight away.  No frivolities just straight to the point.

"That's not true. I do.  I think sometimes you question my authority but otherwise you do a great job.  I can't say you don't. We had our best numbers since you came on board. Why would you say something like that?"

"Well apparently I've find out about a little plot to have me transferred, and I'm a bit upset.  I guess you've been talking to Jeff about moving me some where else?"

His face became flushed, and all he could say was, "What?  I don't know what you're talking about.  What are you talking about?  Where did you hear that?"

"Let's just say a little bird told me.  Is it true?"

" Maybe?  Who told you?"

" That's not important.  What is important is that if I'm doing such a good job why are you telling people I'm not behind my back."

" I've never told anyone that you weren't doing a good job.  Well maybe a few people.  It's just you're difficult to deal with sometimes.  You're so, so, so, ....direct."

" And that's a bad thing?  That I'm straight with you, that I don't play games?  That's bad."

" Well sometimes you have to play the game to get ahead.  It's not always about the numbers."

"  I guess you're right that's my problem.  I think it is all about the numbers but if it isn't what is it all about?"

" I've been running this place for over a year and we've been bleeding for a while and you come in and in six months were doing better than we have in 2 years.  That makes me look bad."

" So I'm helping you out but it makes you look bad?"

" Yeah because I couldn't do it on my own.  You come in and it looks like you're doing all the work.  That's bad for me."

" Why is it bad?  You brought in the right person, and you've motivated me to get things done.  Spin it that way to people.  It's not me,  it's you."

" It doesn't look that way.  Our relationship is always on edge.  I can't relax because you're more experienced than me and people look to you for guidance.  They don't look to me for anything.  I need to learn how to be successful as a GM on my own.  That's why I want you to transfer.  So I can do it on my own."

" Dude.  I think you have a bad perception of yourself, and a good leader always hires the right people and let's them do their work.  I think it's a bad idea for me to transfer."

" Well it's too late it's already in the works.  What do you think?  Maybe you can transfer to Whittier?"

I sat there for a long time.  Silent, just thinking about why this idiot who had done nothing for a year and was finally getting some notoriety for the right reasons, wanted me to transfer.  It didn't make any sense, and since he was the former regional assistant, he must have been bad mouthing me to the VP for a while now.  I had been with the company nine years and now I was being passed off like a failure when really I was succeeding, despite my stupid boss.

"Well what do you think?  Whittier needs some help and you're just the guy to help them."

I looked at him for a long time, "Ya know what?  F#$k it!  I quit.  F#$k you and f#$k this place.  It isn't worth it. I'm giving you two weeks notice."

He looked both relieved and shocked.  "What?  Well there's no call for language like that.  And why would you leave the company after all the time you've invested?"

"Richard you have the VP's ear, so it's pretty obvious I'm not going to get promoted because I'm sure you haven't said anything good about me."

"That's not true, I tell Jim you're a hard worker but you have too many of your own ideas.  You don't follow the program."

"Not everyone fits into the same box Richard.  In fact, I think the reason we've been successful is because we're allowed to use our own personal judgment. To be creative."

"That's just it.  You can't just go and do what you want."

"I don't do what I want. I do what I need to do for us to be successful.  F#$k it, I'll give you one week to find a replacement." 

"One week?  Well that doesn't seem fair."

"Fair? Is it fair that I've busted my ass for 9 years and we're doing well and you want me to transfer?!  One week.  that's it."

"Alright. I think you're making a big mistake."

"I'm not making a mistake. You are."

And I left his office.  I went to my desk and started clearing out my stuff.  Sixty minutes later, the head of HR came in and handed me my final check, which I knew was coming.  There was no way they were going to let me stick around a week and bad mouth Richard.

As she handed me the check she smiled, "Here you go.  Good luck.  Remember you have a no compete agreement so no going to the competition.", and she waved a finger at me.

"Remember we're in California and you can't enforce a no compete or I'll sue your ass. This is a right to work state.  You have a nice day!", and I picked up my box and left.

Some times you just gotta say "f#$k it!"