There's No Crying In Sales

I just got back from a regional meeting and boy are they ever fun! Actually, they are fun when the "meeting" part is over with, and you get to eat, drink, and have fun with your fellow reps, but other than that; those types of meetings are stressful.  Especially if you're behind your quota, which fortunately I'm not, they can be a nightmare for reps.  Let's face it, the way quotas are set in healthcare sales is truly fucked up.  I'm gonna say it, because when I first got into healthcare sales, I blew my numbers out of the water and the next thing I know, the company is DOUBLING my quota.  I already had the highest revenue in the region and they decided oh well he can DOUBLE that total next year.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  Oh yeah I did 1.5 million in sales, I can do 3 million easy.  That's right people my quota was $3 million dollars!  Since I had been doing so well I went to my boss for advice.'

"Jim, I think we have a problem with my quota."
"What's the problem?"
" It doubled? That's the problem.  I won't make any commissions next year."
" Yeah I noticed it was kind of high."
" Kind of high?  It's 3 million dollars Jim.  What the hell is that all about?  When I got to my territory it was wasn't even producing $800,000."
" I know and you did great this past year.  In 6 months you took that territory from 95th to 5th in the country.  Too bad you didn't start the year with us, you would have gone on the "Winners Circle" trip."

As an aside here, why is it that managers like to tell you what might have been? As if this is some type of encouragement or compliment?  It's pretty stupid in my opinion, and just pisses off the rep. I was dumbfounded by his response.
"Jim, is that supposed to make me fucking feel better?  I COULD HAVE gone on the trip if I had been with the company a year.  Oh that's awesome.  Thanks for the pat on the back."
"Heh watch the language.  Well I'm just saying you're doing great and we think you'll continue to do great."
"But I won't make any money."
" You can do it. You just need to focus on more capital sales."
" Why didn't they make the quota an average of the whole year?  It seems like they just took the last 3 months when I was killing it?"
" Well that's how we base the numbers.  The last 3 months."
" Well that's stupid. If you have a great last 3 months as a rep, you're screwed.  I shoulda slept through the winter like a bear."
" Yeah I don't know why they do that? It does seem a little unfair." , he said sounding as perplexed as me about the whole situation.  Keep in mind, this man had worked in healthcare for 25 years.
" That's your answer? Listen Jim, this affects you as well.  The region did well so your quota has to be really high too.  Is there any chance we can have them adjusted?"
" No chance.  I've worked in this business a lot and the only time they get adjusted is when the company is paying reps TOO much money."
" Well that's a sound business philosophy.  Screw the people bringing in the business.  Thanks for the pep talk Jim.  I feel so much better."
" Any time.  Call me if you need anything."
I didn't even respond.  I just laughed and then said, "Yeah. Okay."

    So in short, if you do extremely well one year, you're screwed for the next, which leads us to the regional meeting.  This is when the senior management comes in and either applauds your efforts or tells your manager as they are leaving, "Fire these poor bastards.  They suck".  Which is not what any manager or rep wants to hear.  Primarily, because if you're a manager, and you need to be told to fire a rep, then you won't be a manager for much longer.  And secondly, because they make all the sales reps do presentations on the "State Of The Territory", and what the rep's plans are for improvement, and if the senior manager doesn't like the presentation, or the rep..."sayonara, adios, chao, and adieu" to that underperforming rep.  No stress at all. Right?

   Each of us was required to do a presentation and then there was a "question and answer" session at the end, but usually it occurred while you were in the middle of your presentation.  I put them in quotes because it wasn't really questions and answers but more like interrogation or adulation. Questions were asked to either tear a rep down or build them up.  There was very little room for in between.  The questions are listed below with their actual meaning listed to the right:

Questions for sales reps who were below quota

"How do you manage your time?"                    "What the hell are you doing out there? Nothing obviously."
"What are your plans to improve?"                   "How are you going to keep this ship from sinking you loser?"
"What's preventing you from hitting quota?"    "You're so fired, but I have to ask this question."
"What's your biggest obstacle?"                       "Besides the obvious, why are you so shitty at this job?"
"How many calls do you make a day?"           "I know you're not working but again I have to ask this."
"Is your day planned geographically?"            "Do you drive around all day and hope a patient hits your car?"
"What time table do you have for improvement?"     "When you fail, on what day can I expect to fire you?"

Questions for sales reps who were above quota

"What do you think has made you successful?"        "Tell these idiots how it's done.  Impart some wisdom."
"What are you doing differently this year?"            "What did you do this year to keep from getting fired?"
"Who do you call on for each product line?"          "I have no idea what you do or where you go, so enlighten me?"
"What marketing pieces did you use this year?"      "I've never looked at our marketing pieces. Can you show me one?"
"What would you tell a rep who's behind quota?"      "I love you and I would sleep with you if it wasn't against policy."
" What do you plan to do with all your commissions?"      "Where are you taking me to dinner for being so nice to you?"


     During one of the presenations, a rep was being grilled by a senior VP, and she broke down and started to cry.  I almost started to chuckle, because I thought to myself:

 "There's no way they are gonna let her slide because she's crying.  There's no crying in sales! She is just making it worse.  She'll probably be fired right after this meeting."

    Remarkably, her tears worked!  I was shocked. She was given sympathy by both her manager and the senior VP.  Everyone was sighing and consoling her and asking her if there was anything they could do to help her achieve her goals.  A few well placed tears and this woman was getting off without even a hint of even constructive criticism.  Meanwhile, the reps that followed her were grilled more than a burnt ribeye steak.  They were made to feel like shit, rather than given sound advice on how to improve their situation.  I sat and watched as each rep presented and was soundly ridiculed for their performance, their dress, and even their demeanor.  It was appalling and frightening at the same time.  I was befuddled by how easily senior management had been manipulated. 

 I sat there dumbfounded, completely shocked by the strange turn of events., until someone shook me and said, "Okay M, it's your turn to present."

I broke from my reverie, stood up, and as I started speaking I felt my eyes welling up with tears...

-M









   

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