The Silent Majority: Why We Lose Good People

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A number of years ago, when I was still working as a sales manager, I had one of my best reps come in and offer her resignation.  I pride myself on being able to tell when a rep is having issues and ready to quit, but this person took me completely by surprise.  She was doing very well, and had even been interviewed for a promotion.  However, during the process, she felt that the interviewer, our VP, was just "going through the motions", and it was insulting to her. In other words, she didn't want to be interviewed just because she was a top rep, she wanted to really be considered as a viable candidate.  She believed that her candidacy wasn't being taken seriously...and she was right.  Our regional VP had just interviewed her to "feel her out", and to determine if she was a flight risk.  Odd, but he never covered this with me before hand.  I found out about it when she handed me her resignation. In short, we lost a good person!!!

Why?  Because we dangled a carrot in front of her and took it away.  No one wants to interview for a position just out of respect.  People expect to win, not lose.  The most insulting part of the interview for her, was that he didn't even review her resume! Needless to say, I was furious.  I called our VP immediately.

"Hi Tom. Ann just came in to my office and offered her resignation. She said she would rather work somewhere she can be promoted. Anything I should know about from your interview with her?"

"Nope. You just told me she didn't get promoted.  That's on you.  You're the one who recommended her for a promotion.  She wasn't ready."

"I thought she was ready! But apparently you already had a candidate.  She said you didn't even review her resume.  Is that true?"

"Oh yeah it was late, and I thought there was really no point. She wasn't our candidate anyway, so I cut it short. I think we all agreed she's a little too green at this point. ", he didn't even sound upset, which made me even more angry.

"Well I didn't agree, that's why I recommended her for a promotion.  She's the number two rep in the country for god's sake.  How can you ignore that?"

" All I can say, is that you probably shouldn't have had us interview her.  Like I said, it's all on you.  We didn't ask to interview her."

" Yes you fu#$ing did!  You asked me directly, do I have any one who I think would make a good manager and I told you I liked Ann. "

"Oh you did?  I don't remember that.  What are you getting so upset about?  You'll find another rep.  You always do.  Plus that's a pretty good territory.  Anyone will do well in that area." , he said this, and I felt my blood starting to boil.  The problem with some corporate managers, is that they don't perceive people as human beings, but rather as assets.  This was Tom, it was like working with a slave trader.

"Tom.  I'm going to hang up the phone before I say something I'll regret.  And then you'll not only be out of a rep, but the best sales manager you got."

"Don't get all high and mighty. You're not that good. Why is this bothering you?  She'd probably get promoted and then want to have kids.  Then we have to deal with all that other stuff."

"All that other stuff?! Tom, don't go there.  Now you sound like a sexist idiot.  I'm hanging up the phone and calling HR if you don't knock it off right now."

"I was only kidding.  Geez you're taking this a little too far.  So you lost a good rep.  Like I said you'll get over it."

"But she won't.  You just don't get it do you? "

"Get what?  That you lost a rep?"

"No Tom, that we're going to lose a lot more reps if we don't take their careers seriously.   Good people don't complain, they just leave. "

"And then we find more good people.  That's our job."

" Well I'd like to just keep the good ones I have."

" THAT'S your problem.  It's not possible."

" No THAT'S your problem.  Goodbye Tom, I gotta go. I need to post an open position. "

" Call me when you have some candidates."

" Uh, yeah whatever."

I remember that conversation distinctly because I felt badly for the rep, and even worse for the people I was about to hire.  I had believed in the company, and felt strongly that it offered a career path for everyone.  But it didn't.  Invariably, I was so disgusted with Tom and the whole company, I did the same thing that Ann did...I left.

How many people are you losing because they don't see a career path with your company?

Better still, do you even care?  Think about it...

-SFTD

Leadership Doesn't Come From A Book

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I have an acquaintance who just became a sales manager.  He's as green as they come, but like all people who have been successful sales reps, they know everything already about leading people...or they think they do. Why?

Because I asked him, "What are you planning to do with your new team?"

"What do you mean do?  I'm gonna lead them! I got this great idea from this military book on how to lead people.  It's totally cool.". At least he was enthusiastic about his new job.

"Well that's good. It's always good to learn new ways to do things. I hope that works out for you." In my mind I was thinking, "He is TOTALLY gonna blow it!"

" Oh it totally will, totally.  I got this. This stuff comes straight from a navy SEAL so it's gotta be good.  Right?", he said.  Almost trying to convince himself as much as me.

" Oh I agree. SEALS definitely understand leadership. Did your company give you a mentor?", I asked.

" Naw. I don't need a mentor.  That's why I'm the boss now.  If I needed a mentor they'd never have made me the manager.  I'm a born leader, why do I need a mentor?"

He reached into the backpack he was carrying, and pulled out a book. "My mentor is right here in this little book.  I got all the mentoring I need.". He said pointing to the book and he smiled, but not a good smile, more like a grimace.  As if he had heartburn or gas.

"Good luck with that.".  I said and smiled, knowing full well he was screwed. I could have offered my advice, but I knew he wouldn't have taken it.  Some people have to learn the hard way.

Leadership doesn't come from a book.  It comes from your heart.

SFTD

Cherish Your Employees And Enrich Your Life

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During the holiday season, I receive a lot of cards.  Let me rephrase that, I receive a TON of cards. Many of them from businesses, companies I've helped, many from friends, and a few from people I really care about...employees. The holiday cards I get from accountants, businesses, real estate agents, or insurance brokers are all nice, but the cards I receive from employees are the best! 

Business holiday cards are usually pre-printed with some nice sentiment, but they are rarely hand written, and are usually just signed by the person sending the card.  Subsequently, the personal message is lost to me.  It's almost as if the business or person sending the card is simply fulfilling an obligation, not actually wishing me or my family a wonderful holiday.  However a card from an employee or better yet a former employee is awesome! It means one of two things, either they appreciate the efforts I've made to help them in their careers, or they are sucking up to me.  I don't expect a card from any employee, but if they have taken the time to buy me a card, and fill it out, then I should cherish every one of those sentiments.  Even if they're just "blowing smoke".  Why?  Because they thought of me.  They took the time to write something personal and stuff it in an envelope and mail it, or stick it in my mailbox, and that is priceless.

This year I received a card from a person whom I had mentored over 10 years ago.  I was leafing through an old Rolodex, and for those of you under 30 you will have know idea what the hell I'm talking about, and I came across his address and sent him a card.  When I returned from my holiday I found a card from him in my mail box, and I was truly touched by the sentiment:

"Hi_____: It was a great pleasure for me to receive your card.  It completed my day to hear from somebody I have great respect and gratitude for. You are, by far, the best boss I have ever had in my professional career.  I want to wish you and yours all the blessings and a Happy 2016. Loads of thanks!"

If you were to read this passage as a curmudgeon like myself, you might think, "well it's not that big of a deal, and you did send him a card first."  However, keep in mind, that he didn't have to reply, and he most certainly did not have to tell me I was the best boss he ever had.  I was not expecting him to reply, but he did and he made my day that much brighter.

Cherish your employees, both present and past, and they'll make your life that much fuller.  He may not have changed the world, but he sure put a dent in my universe...and for that I'm thankful.

Have a great New Year!

Should You Drink With Your Boss?

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With the holiday season coming soon, there will be plenty of parties and opportunities for many of you to share drinks with your coworkers or more importantly with your boss. For years and years, I was always under the impression that it was not appropriate to get drunk with the boss.  In fact, it was frowned upon because you might end up saying something you'd regret, or you might get so drunk you throw up on your boss' shoes.  Mixing alcohol and the work environment has so much potential for both levity and tragedy that I have always stayed away from my boss at any holiday party where libations were prevalent. However, after hearing a few stories from some close friends, I think getting drunk with your boss may not be so bad after all.  I have a few friends who recently were promoted and not based solely upon performance, but because they had partied with their boss. So to that I say, "drink up!"  The holidays just might be a great opportunity for you to bond with your boss. However, be wary that there a few guidelines to follow, when imbibing with your "fearless leader."

• Drink moderately - If you like a drink now and then, be sure to drink in moderation.  If you get completely wasted you're not going to be able to get your point across and in random cases you might not even be understood.  Slurry is a word used to describe an insoluble liquid, but it may also describe the words coming out of your mouth, if you've had too much to drink.
• Suck up! - And I don't mean liquor.  I mean your boss is probably drunk and wants you to tell him how great he/she is, so let him/her have it.  Share with him how wonderful you think he/she is, and make sure he's not so drunk he doesn't remember all the compliments that you heaped upon him. Be nice early and often, so the next day his memory doesn't elude him.
• Keep your pants/skirt on - It doesn't always pay to sleep with your boss.  Although I have seen a few people sleep their way to top positions.  However, there is too much baggage to carry around when you start an intimate relationship with your boss...especially if they're married!  Alcohol can make some ugly people seem pretty attractive, but you must resist! 
• Be a confidant - Your boss probably has no one to vent to, so make sure you listen carefully.  Liquor has a tendency to break down many work place barriers. All types of useful information will be forthcoming the more he/she drinks, so be sure alert enough to remember all the juicy details. 
• Drinking buddies - You would be surprised by how many career changing decisions are made over a pint of beer.  I once heard a manager tell me that he assesses the merits of an individual in the interview process by this criteria. "Can I go and have a beer with this guy/girl?". If you're not a drinking buddy with your boss, this holiday season might be a good time to start.
• Do not whine - The only wine you want to see is in your glass, not coming out of your mouth. Managers tend to remember people who complain a lot.  It's better to keep your thoughts to yourself rather than turn the holiday festivities into a gripe session. It's supposed to be a party!
• Stay off the dance floor - Unless you're a very good dancer I would not go near a piece of laminated wood.  Under the influence of alcohol we all think we can dance like Michael Jackson, but the truth is many of us ending up looking more like David Hasselhoff. If you don't want to be the talk at the water cooler the next day, avoid the hardwood.  
• Don't Drive - After all your hard work getting to know your boss don't become a statistic. Be smart and be safe.

I know that many of you will be having a good time at your holiday parties, and interacting with your boss, so this might be the best time to get to know her/him.  Follow these simple guidelines and you'll have a good time, and it might even help your career...a little bit.

Have fun!

17 Habits of Wildly Unsuccessful People

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In today's business world we are always looking for the quick fix, or some good advice that will help us be more successful. I can't even count all the posts on LinkedIn which begin with, "The One Thing...".  It's a bit too much for my taste.  And really, is there simply one thing that can cure all of your business issues...hell no!   However there are some good tips on developing habits which will help you not only with your job but with your life.  Unfortunately for you, this post is not about those good habits you need to develop.  Sorry! Rather, this post reflects on those bad habits you need to avoid if you want to be successful.  If you can avoid falling into the trap of developing these bad habits, you may find success in both your job and your personal life.  After reading this post, many of you might think that some of these habits are good to have, and many successful people practice these habits.  But at what cost?

"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

• Tardiness - If someone really wants to be successful they can start by arriving on time.  I sometimes find myself falling in and out of this bad habit, and it gets me in trouble.  Some people are really focused on time, and if you're not timely, it can lead to a bad situation.  Be on time as often as possible, and if you are late, you had better have a damn good excuse, like a car accident, or an illness, or a death in the family.  People don't mind if you're on time, but they freak out when you're late. One example of a bad excuse for being tardy is "I was getting my nails done." Which was exactly what I heard from a guy last week...yes it was a guy.  
• Depressing - Everyone has those days where you feel like that character "Debbie Downer".  Where nothing goes right and you're in a bad mood all day.  However, if that's the way you start out everyday, then nobody will want to work with you.  Please don't feign happiness either because then you're just trying to fool yourself.  Life is to be lived and enjoyed and even though you're at work, and you may hate your job, make the most of it, and try to get through the day without bringing down everyone around you.  No one wants to work with an "Eeyore", they would prefer to work with a "Piglet".
• Whining - The only wine I want is in a glass, and I'm sure your colleagues and coworkers feel the same.  You won't make progress in your career if you're constantly whining about problems.  It is better to solve the problem than be part of the problem. I was working with a company just last month, and we were asking for input from employees.  We were in a meeting, and one guy just kept shooting down every idea offered, until finally I asked him, "Do you have any ideas on how to fix this problem?" He answered, "No.  But I know what won't work and none of your ideas are going to work.". My response was simple, "Instead of focusing on what won't work, can you please help all of us focus on what will work?  I think we'll make a lot more progress that way. You're input is more valuable in helping us find a solution, rather than pointing out problems." He grumbled a little bit, but then he helped us, which was good, because that could have become a pretty ugly situation.
• Irresponsibility - People who are wildly unsuccessful never take responsibility for anything...including themselves.  If they don't succeed it's always someone else's fault.  Or if their life is miserable it's because somebody is ruining it, but it's not them.  They have no control over how well things go, or how badly things go.  It's all out of their control and if everyone would just pitch in to help them, than everything would be alright. Granted we can't control every aspect of our lives but we should focus on what we can control, and take responsibility for our own lives and careers.  Otherwise we're just dust in the wind.  
• Self-Defeating Attitude - Yesterday, someone said to me, "I just can't do it."  I wanted to slap them, but you can get arrested for hitting your mother nowadays so I decided it was best to calm down.  And no, I would never hit my mom. But seriously, I hate when people say that can't do something even before they try.  Be realistic but don't be a defeatist. I realistically can't fly and I won't try right now because it would be suicide, but I can learn to fly eventually.  Nothing was ever accomplished by sitting on the couch, and saying "I can't do it." 
• Stupidity - I think this habit needs no real explanation. If you have a habit of being stupid, you probably won't be successful.  And by stupid I mean not using common sense, or following a reasonable thought process.  Think before you act, otherwise you're going to have a hard time getting through life.
• Myopia - Unsuccessful people have a certain way of seeing things...their way.  I once had an employee who every time a customer or a fellow employee had an issue with him, he would respond, "They're not seeing things my way.  They're not listening to me.  I'm telling them exactly what we need to do but they don't see or hear what I'm trying to get across.".  The problem wasn't with the customer or fellow employees it was with him.  He was the one not seeing or hearing other people's views and opinions. 
• Immaturity - There are people I work with who are in their 60's and I still consider them to be pretty immature, and I've met teenagers who act more mature than many adults.  It's not a question of age it's about being mature.  Handling things in a civilized manner and not pouting if you don't get your way, or throwing a temper tantrum if things don't go well.  People who are not successful have a tendency to act like they're in kindergarten rather than a university.
• Remorselessness -  People who are less than a success have a tendency to act without remorse.  In simpler terms, if they do something spiteful or they make a mistake they don't seem to care. It's as if they had nothing to do with the error or if the act is perceived as malicious they don't see how it was their fault.  Or possibly they just don't care.
• Conniving - Currently I am working with a company who has one senior sales rep who is using other people to get her work done.  She explains that since her numbers are so good what does it matter that she uses people, "lower on the totem pole", as she so aptly puts it, to her advantage. When her new manager approached her about this unfair delegation of duties, she threaten to sue for sexual misconduct on his part.  It was their first meeting and his office door was open the whole time!!!! But apparently, she has been doing this for years, using people and threatening employees and managers. She is manipulative and conniving and for sure I will help this company in any way I can to dismiss just such a person.  Karma's a bitch.
• Jealousy- I exhibit this trait all the time.  I am just as guilty as the next person of being jealous of fellow colleagues, CEO's and business owners.  Hell, I even get jealous of other people's posts!  I'll read something and think, "this post is utter crap, but 500,000 people read it." What jealousy does, is affect your ability to focus on your own goals.  If you can ignore what other people are doing, not get jealous, and concentrate on yourself, than you'll be much better off personally and professionally.
• Stealing - Unsuccessful people have a tendency to steal things.  Lots of things...like credit for a certain job, pencils, pens, commissions, and even some coworkers will steal your identity.  Yep that's right, the number one culprit of identity theft are people you work with.  And they wonder why they're unsuccessful?  They should wonder why they aren't in jail.
• Narcissism - Many people who extremely self absorbed or narcissistic are limiting their own success. They often are over looked for promotions because management doesn't often see them as "team players".  I really hate that phrase, but it's true.  If you can't be part of a team, and support a team, it's very likely you won't advance past a certain stage in your career. 
• Libelous - I was trying to think of what this habit entailed and then it came to me...it's about talking trash about people behind their backs.  If you're a person who derides people and then doesn't express the same sentiments to their face, you're going to get yourself into a lot of trouble.  You might even do it without thinking about it.  I have on occasion been asked an opinion about someone, and offered my views which were not meant to be negative, but an hour later that person will confront me and ask "why did you say that about me?"  Usually I am asked about work habits, or if the person will develop into a good sales rep, but it could turn ugly if I'm not careful with my choice of words.  Plus if I were to go around talking crap about everyone in the office, I would be spending a lot of time by myself and that's not a good thing, especially when you're the CEO.    
• Disloyal - If you can't be loyal to fellow employees or if you're a boss and you're not loyal to your own employees, than they will never be loyal to you.  Heck, in life if you're disloyal you won't have any friends, and I know that from experience. I make that statement with woeful regret.  
• Deceitful - In short, you're a cheater.  Now many people have pointed out that successful people still cheat, and they site Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.  However, I would argue that though both have been very successful, they can't enjoy their success because it will always be tainted with the stain of deception.  Despite their greatness people will always remember that they cheated. 
• Disingenuousness- Damn!  That's a big word! Simply put you're a phony, a fake, not real.  People can spot a person who is fake pretty easily.  If you don't really care about a person, don't feign sincerity, because it simply doesn't work.  Years ago, a fellow employee had a child who was very sick and our boss, who was a total jerk, said "I'm sorry to hear about your kid, but we need to get this project done by the end of the month."  He wasn't sorry. He didn't even give a damn about his employee's child and sure enough 9 months later, that guy was fired.  Why?  All of us hated him, mostly because he wasn't sincere.

I understand that many of you reading this post didn't learn anything new here, and that the habits I've outlined are obviously things we already know we shouldn't be practicing.  So then why do many of us have these habits?  And why are so many incredibly successful people, practitioners of these terrible habits? Because we're all looking to gain some type of advantage, not just in business, but in life.  Even people that are already successful still want "get a leg up" on everyone else. However you don't have to be a jerk to be a success.  In fact, I would argue that if you're a jerk, then despite all you're success, to me, you're a failure. 

I Am Not A Cheerleader

A long time ago, at a company far, far, away, I was passed over for a promotion.  Why?  Because I was told it didn't seem like I wanted the job. That I wasn't a "cheerleader" for the company or the position...and I guess they were probably right.  I've never been a sales person or manager who was "in your face".  I've never been a high energy guy, instead I've always had a pretty mellow disposition, but I'm still competitive as hell.  In fact, if you ever seen me play a sport, and I mean any sport, you would be scared at how crazy competitive I am.  But in this case, I just wasn't into the interview process.  I figured I had the position sewn up and I was more annoyed than honored that they had to interview me before they promoted me.  What a cocky bastard I was?!

So last week, I ran into the same issue.  I was contacted by a company, and they wanted to speak to me about helping them with their sales process and possibly training their sales representatives.  When I first walked into the offices of the Regional Vice President, I thought for sure it was going to be an easy sale.  He already like what I had to say over the phone, he'd perused the website and saw all that we had the offer, and we had met previously at a conference.  Naturally, I thought the deal was all but done.  I was dead wrong.

Here's how my visit went:

VP: "You have a great list of clients, and you've shown improvement at every company you've worked with, but why should I work with you and not some of your competitors."

Me: "I think you've just answered your own question. You said I have an impressive list of clients and have shown improvement at every company I've worked with.  If you need a list of references I can give them to you.  Is that what you need?"

VP: "No I'll take your word for it. But what makes you so good? You seem very unassuming.  Almost humble.  I need someone who's gonna set my hair on fire! Why should I use your firm as opposed to me sending my people to a Dale Carnegie or a Miller Heiman seminar.  Those companies have been around for years and they have great reputations. So why should I use you guys?"

Me: "Do you want to be like everyone else?  Because if you do, then send your people to Miller Heiman or Dale Carnegie.  Or do you want to be different?  Better yet.  Do you dare to be different? If you want to differentiate yourself than you need to get out of the box.  Not think outside the box but actually get out of the damn box!  That's where my company's at, and that's what we teach.  We don't think outside the box, we LIVE outside the box. So where do you want to be?"

VP: "I want to be different but going with your firm is a big risk.  You're good but I don't know you that well.  Like I said, I need someone to set the world on fire. How will you inspire my team?"

Me: "First of all, I am not a cheerleader.  If you're looking for someone to motivate your team and get you excited, don't come to me.  I am not Tony Robbins. I am not the guy from "Rudy". I am a teacher, a trainer, and I am an entertainer.  I'll keep your people engaged, focused , laughing, and get them to see things differently. But I am not a cheerleader. You said over the phone you wanted something different.  I am here to offer you something different. That's what you want isn't it?"

VP: "It is. Absolutely. I am just afraid your firm might be too different. I need someone to motivate me and my team. Not just be different. "

Me: I chuckled a bit, "Listen, as I said before. I'm not a motivational speaker.  I teach sales leadership and sales techniques. And think about it.  If you need someone to motivate you and the team then maybe you've got the wrong team."

VP: "I've got the right team, but I need them to improve...NOW. So you're not a cheerleader?  You're a teacher? Again why do I need you?"

ME: "I am a teacher.  But more importantly...I'm an innovator.  Do you want a cheerleader or an innovator. A cheerleader did not invent the telephone.  A cheerleader did not develop the iPhone.  A cheerleader did not invent the pacemaker. So do you want to a cheerleader or an innovator?"

VP: "I want an innovator.. Absolutely."

ME: "I am an innovator! Let me teach you and your people how to be innovators as well."

VP: "Okay. Let's do it."

And he shook my hand and we made the deal.  I have never been a "rah rah" guy.  I am low key, smart, hmmm modest, and I inspire people through my actions, not my words. Talk is cheap.  You don't need to be a cheerleader to lead. You don't need to be a cheerleader to develop people.  And you definitely don't need to be a cheerleader to be a trailblazer, a creator, or an innovator.

You just need to be...

Success Or Failure? What Are You Focusing On?

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Tonight was a complete failure.  I was working with my wife to try and get her to go to bed early, because she had a big meeting early in the morning.  I made her cookies...yes I made cookies, believe it or not. I also tried to get her to drink warm milk, and I even made her take a sleeping medication which helps her fall asleep. But it's now past midnight and she still hasn't fallen asleep.  Why? She may hate me for writing this but it's because she's not focused on falling asleep, she's focused upon what will happen if she doesn't fall asleep.  Big difference.

All the stress and anxiety she is feeling is because she is set on the wrong goal.  Her goal is to avoid missing her meeting in the morning, which has negative connotations associated with it, rather than setting her sights on falling asleep early which will bring only positive things to her life.  People will say "what's the difference?  Both goals are the same...get to sleep early and make the meeting on time."  But the routes to the end are vastly different in nature.  This is why she can't sleep.  She's focusing on the negative aspects of missing the meeting and what will happen if she over sleeps, as opposed to working on the positive aspects of falling asleep, making her meeting on time, well rested, and the good things that will come about as a result of her efforts.  There is a major difference between the two perceived outcomes.  The goal is the same but her mind is racing a million miles a second, thinking about all the consequences of her missing the meeting, that she can't relax and fall asleep.  It's pretty sad.

When you have a big project or meeting do you focus on the negative aspects or the positive opportunities? I know this all sounds like power of positive thinking bullshit, but in practice the theory is not that crazy.  What should motivate you is not fear, but rather the joy of knowing something good may happen.

When I was younger, my managers always preached "positive discontent".  How stupid is that?  That was our company philosophy and actually I still think it is part of my old employer's philosophy.  I believe the idea was to push people to be more than average.  To rise above everyone else and that is a good thing for sure.  But is it good to always be discontented?  I don't believe it's a healthy maxim. Why? Because then you'll never, ever, enjoy the fruits of your labor, and it will drive you crazy trying to seek perfection. I could never see the point in not being satisfied with your efforts.  It's okay to be proud, just not too proud. And it's alright to be happy with your work.  It might actually be a good thing...

Which brings us back to my question, what do you focus on in those key moments in your career?  Success or failure? Your choice can make all the difference.

Have a good day!